


Choices and Chances

by Layla_Crimson



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Fix-It: s04e16 Waters of Mars, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Other, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, Romance, Universe Alteration
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-01-19 13:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 60,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1471681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Layla_Crimson/pseuds/Layla_Crimson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Tyler didn't want to believe the Doctor could leave her behind, but he did.   Fortunately for her, she was prepared to take matters into her own hands.   Back in her original Universe with the metacrisis, she'll make a life of her own with the Doctor that gave her a choice.  But what will happen when the original Doctor realizes she's not gone after all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Won't Be Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> This is canon up to the end of Journey's End going AU at that point. It includes the missing scene where the Doctor and Donna gave TenToo the chunk of coral and instructions as fact. Big thanks to Ash & Elensari for reading for me, and encouraging the story.

Rose stood on the beach, feeling the wind whip by her as she listened to the fading sound of the TARDIS’ engines. A part of her had been prepared for a moment like this, had readied for it, even if she never actually believed it would happen. For a moment, she felt utterly crushed by the weight of her feelings of hurt and betrayal. Then a warm hand slipped into hers, and she turned to see the other Doctor looking at her.

She stared into his eyes, as if sizing him up, and then turned to walk towards Jackie. Rose tightened her grip on his hand, giving it a small tug, and he followed her. Jackie watched them approach, with a small sad little smile. “He really is a bit of a plum isn’t he?”

The Doctor started to protest, and then realized Jackie _wasn’t_ referring to him. She was referring to the Time Lord that had left them there. The protest died on his lips, and he shifted his gaze to Rose’s face. 

“It’s already starting back up, Mum; I’ve got to go before the walls close completely.”

Jackie wrapped her daughter in a hug. Rose kept her grip on the Doctor’s hand, and she used the other arm to hug her mother back. “I know, love, and I’m going to miss you, just promise me you’ll be happy.”

She pulled back from the hug to look Rose in the face. Biting her lip and trying not to cry, Rose managed a nod for her. Jackie then turned to look at the increasingly confused Doctor. 

“You’re taking this one with you, then?”

He felt an icicle of fear trickle down his spine as he looked between the two women. “Go where? What’s going on?”

Rose turned her head and latched her gaze on to his face. He could see the pain and determination that was lurking in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but you don’t have a lot of time to decide, or for me to explain. You can stay here with my parents, and they’ll do everything they can to set you up with a comfortable life. Or, you can come with me, and it will probably be really hard at times. But, I promise I will try to always give you a choice and never leave you behind.”

The Doctor was utterly at a loss as to what was going on, but there wasn’t a doubt in his mind as to what his answer would be. “You, Rose. Always you.”

She nodded, brightening a little under the weight of sorrow she was carrying. Rose turned towards Jackie. “I love you Mum, never forget that, and tell Tony and Dad I love them too.”

Turning back towards the Doctor, she looked up in his face again. “Do you trust me?”

His response was immediate; again, there was no question in his mind. “Yes.”

She let go of his hand, only to wrap both arms around him, her right hand reaching for something on her left wrist. “Then hold on to me, good and tight.”

Wrapping both arms around her, his mind was a whirl of questions that he hoped she would answer. Whatever was going on, he wasn’t going to risk losing Rose. So he did as she asked and held on to her tightly. “Brace yourself.” Her voice was soft as she did something behind his back. 

Then came a sharp, wrenching jerk, and the intense feeling of being pulled through something just a bit smaller then he was. It hurt, but it only took a moment, and then suddenly, they landed. Rose barely rocked in place, but it was their grip on each other that kept him from falling over. Waves of nausea washed over him as he leaned on her heavily.

“You alright?”

The question was soft and laced with concern. “It can be a bit of a rough ride.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He pulled back, but let his hand slide down her arm to find her hand. Taking a couple of deep breaths, he let the nausea fade as he looked around. “We’re in London, and no zeppelins.”

It was a statement, but he turned to Rose with questions in his eyes. She gave him a small smile and nod. “Yeah, I’ll explain in a minute. There should be a park nearby, and we can sit and talk. I gotta make a phone call first, okay?” Right now he was utterly confused and at a complete loss for words, so he simply nodded. 

She gave him a slight smile and started walking, her grip tight on his hand. As they walked, she pulled out her old phone and punched in a number. “I kept it, and made sure it was charged up before each jump, just in case.”

Rose put the phone to her ear, and after a few moments, smiled as she talked into the phone. 

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Yeah, he did exactly what I was afraid of. I’m going to need a little help.”

It was maddening to the Doctor, listening to half of the conversation. Curiosity was starting to eat him up, but he could also see Rose was struggling. So he kept quiet, saving his questions for later.

“Can you come get us? We’re in London.”

“Th’ other one, he was going to leave us both there.”

Well he surmised he was the “other one,” not that he was overly fond of that description. However, couldn’t really put her at fault for using it.

“We’re in London, headed towards a park. How about you call when you get close, and I’ll tell you were we are.”

“An’ Jack?”

Well that answered whom she was talking to. Not that her calling Jack was a horrible surprise, there weren’t that many people she _could_ go to for help here. But the watery sniff she gave kept him more focused on her than other speculation.

“Thanks for helping me.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

Closing the phone, she shoved it into her pocket before reaching up to rub her eyes. Rose then looked over at him, managing a small smile. He could see through that, though, and looked at her with concern. “Are you alright? No, that was a stupid question; you obviously aren’t alright.”

Rose made a sound that was half laugh and half sob. “I’m not alright, but I will be. Just, let’s get to the park and sit down so I can tell you all of it at once, okay?” He lightly squeezed her hand, giving her a nod. 

She clung to his hand as they walked, and then gave strangled laugh. “It’s so strange, you being so quiet.”

“Welllllllll, you did say to wait until we get to the park. I’m just trying to follow your instructions.” He gave her a big grin, hoping it would make her smile. 

“And you are actually following them; I thought you weren’t big on following instructions.” She gave him a pointed look and a smile.

“Oi! I can follow instructions.” He gave a mock sniff, as if he was offended. Inside though, it gave him a fluttery feeling because it seemed she really was accepting him as the Doctor.

“Right, so then that time on Triptor III when we ended up running for our lives because you didn’t, you did that on purpose.” Her smile was a bit brighter as she teased him.

“Those were rubbish instructions. I mean really, everyone else knows that the color red is camp; mauve means danger.” The small flutter got a bit stronger, and he couldn’t help but to grin at her.

They stopped at the corner, and the Doctor could see the park now, and his expression sobered. Rose looked both ways, and then tugged his hand to lead him across the crosswalk and into the park. She grew more sober as they walked further in. Finally she stopped and moved to sit on the bench. 

Rose tucked one leg under her and turned so she could face him on the bench. He copied her pose, keeping her hand in his, lightly rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. The Doctor was full of questions, but Rose had obviously been through a lot, so he waited for her to start.

He could see the sadness start to settle over her again, and it made his hearts—no, heart—clench a little to see it. His voice was soft and gentle, “Just take your time.”

“Time,” Rose gave another half laugh. “Yeah, I’ve got a lot of that now.” At his puzzled look, she shook her head a little. “Let me start at the beginning, okay?”

At his nod, she started her story: “See, it didn’t happen right away, but I started getting these really bad headaches and feeling really . . . disjointed. At first I thought it was just because I really missed you.” His hand tightened on hers as she said that. “But then, it kept getting worse, and we realized something else was going on.”

Brushing some hair back from her face, she took a breath in and continued. “See, that universe didn’t have a place for me. It didn’t bother Mickey or Mum because there had been an alternate version of them there. They were just filling in the holes they left behind. But there never had been a Rose Tyler there, and that dog doesn’t count! So it was like that reality didn’t know what to do with me and was trying to correct itself, possibly by getting rid of me.”

He blanched a little, getting pale. “And he was just going to leave you there, oh Rose, I’m so sorry. I swear to you, I didn’t know. If I had known that, I would have done anything to get you back.”

She shook her head. “No Doctor, m’not worth tearing the universe apart. I wouldn’t have wanted you to do that. But we did monitor things, hoping to find another hole or a crack, that maybe I could get through. Then when the stars starting going out, then we knew we had to find you, to fix things.”

He nodded slowly, but there was a rather large question that loomed in his head. “But, why not tell him what was going on? You obviously talked to Jack in the TARDIS, right? How did you know to have something ready to jump back here?”

Rose looked away for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “When the Dimension Cannon started to work, we didn’t find you right away. It took, well, a lot of jumps before we found the right universe. During those jumps, I saw things, lots of different potentials out there. One of ‘em, well they weren’t Time Lords, but they could read time lines or something like that, and they warned me this might happen.”

He nodded a little and then asked again, “But why not just simply tell him that you couldn’t stay there?” There was something more she was holding back, but they could get to that later.

Now she looked down at their clasped hands. “Because I really didn’t want to believe that he could do that to me. I wanted him to want me for me, flaws and human lifespan and all. He’s sent me away and left me behind before, but it was still so hard to believe he would throw me away.”

Tears started to slide down her face, and he immediately reacted. The Doctor reached for her, pulling her into an embrace, and she let him. Rose buried her face against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. “Now you listen to me, Rose Tyler, you are worth everything, and it broke his hearts to do that to you. But he thought he was giving you a gift, a better life with your family. He thought he was giving you a human version of himself, to have a life and live the adventure that he can’t.” 

She pulled back enough so she could look him in the face. “There is something more he didn’t know, but first, there is something I need to know from you.”

The Doctor reached up to cup the side of her face and wiped some of the tears away. “What do you need to know?”

She took a deep breath, and steeled herself. “Do you want to stay with me? I mean really stay with me. I know we don’t know what’s going to happen next, and I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to make your own life here, and not be bogged down with my problems. ‘Cause I’m going to be sad, I’m going to miss him, and it’s going to take time for me, figuring out this new you and me.”

“Yes.” Really, it wasn’t a question at all in his mind what he wanted. If he had to tell her over and over again, he would until she believed him. “I will spend the rest of my one life trying to make you happy, if you will let me.”

Another set of tears welled up from her eyes, and he carefully brushed them away. “That’s what I want, someone that wants me. Someone that’s not afraid to tell me that they love me, like you did. Who will offer me choices, like you did. I want that, no matter what else happens. Do you understand?” 

He studied her face, not sure why this was so important to her yet, but determined to give her anything she wanted. “I’ll tell you every day. I love you, Rose Tyler. The only way I’m going to leave you is if you want me to leave.”

Her smile brightened, and she wrapped her arms tightly around him. Rose’s words were muffled from her face being buried in his neck, “Then the rest of it doesn’t matter.”

The Doctor stroked a hand down her back, just holding her for a while. Finally he broke the silence, “So, since you seem to be the one with the plans, what’s next?”

She withdrew enough to look up at him. “Jack’s going to pick us up. I’ve got some stuff that I can sell for cash to get us started. We’ll need a base of sorts here, and then, whatever we decide together.”

A wide smile flashed on her face. “We aren’t even going to have to be earthbound. I have a vortex manipulator. It’s not a TARDIS, I know, but at least it means we aren’t stuck—at least until we can grow one of our own.”

He brushed some hair back from her face. “Sounds brilliant, I do have one important question though.”

His face suddenly went serious, and her expression sobered. “What is it, Doctor?”

“We don’t really have to have carpets where we live, do we?” His expression was pained, though there was a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.

Rose burst into laughter. “No, no, we don’t.”

The Doctor breathed a mock sigh of relief. “Then, Rose Tyler, I think this is the start of a beautiful life. Together.”


	2. Chips and Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and the Doctor have some conversation and chips while they wait for Jack.

_“We don’t really have to have carpets where we live, do we?” His expression was pained, though there was a twinkle of amusement in his eyes._

_Rose burst into laughter. “No, no, we don’t.”_

_The Doctor breathed a mock sigh of relief. “Then, Rose Tyler, I think this is the start of a beautiful life. Together.”_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

While they waited for Jack, they started swapping stories from the time they were apart. He told her of meeting Shakespeare, of getting stuck in 1969, of Donna waving at the baby Adipose. She told him about working at that universe’s Torchwood, and lightly touched on some of the places she landed in search of him. Rose had also gone back and gotten her A-levels, and started some studies at a university. He was so proud of her for that, but he noticed that they both were sticking to lighter subjects. 

Studying her, he started to notice the differences between this Rose, and the one he had lost. She was a bit thinner and moved differently. Her Torchwood training, he supposed, but it made him a little uneasy to wonder what she had been through. Because as he observed her, he picked up on the fact that she was constantly keeping watch. Every time someone new came close, her eyes would flick to them, evaluate, and then return to him. His stomach twisted a little when he realized she reminded him of a solider, a hunter, and—his traitorous mind supplied—a wolf. 

Then his stomach twisted for another reason, as it gave an audible growl of hunger. Aghast, he stared down at it, before looking up at Rose. “Blimey, that was loud. Oh, oh, no! Don’t tell me I metabolize things like a human now. Well, that’s just rubbish.” 

Rose couldn’t help it; she burst into laughter and squeezed his hand. “Welcome to what the rest of us have to deal with. Come on, you, I have Mum’s old money she gave to me. How ‘bout we go find a chippy, yeah?” 

Her laughter and grin made his scowl fade away, and he let her tug him to his feet. “Oh, that is so you; it could be end of the world, and you want chips.”

“And I’m still the one paying for them, you owe me, mate.” Rose bumped him with her shoulder as they started to walk. 

“Not my fault I don’t carry money around. How many planets have we been to, Rose? If I carried money around for all of them, well, that would fill even my pockets.” He stuck his free hand down in his suit pocket as he grinned at her.

“I s’pose it would. Good thing for us, then, I planned ahead.” She gave him a wide grin as they started closing in on a chip shop. The tip of her tongue sticking out of her mouth distracted him from investigating whatever it was he felt in his pockets.

Rose noted his dazed look, and her expression morphed into one of concern. “Doctor, is everything alright?”

He blinked at her, refocusing, “What?” Realizing he had been staring at her mouth, a red flush started to creep across his face, and he hastily cleared his throat, his voice coming out a bit high pitched. “Yep, just fine, that’s me, a-okay. Oh, don’t let me say that again.” 

“Aaaand we’re here!” He bounced on the balls of feet, and then tugged on his left ear, looking sideways at her as the stopped at the chippie. 

Shooting him an amused look, she gave him a playful shove. “Yep, why don’t you find us a table, and I’ll be right back.” 

He watched her go, his gaze drifting downward, resting on her bum as she walked away. With a jerk, he realized what he was doing and flushed again, quickly moving to find a seat. _Rassilon,_ he thought to himself, _what is wrong with me?_ Finding a table, he dropped himself into a seat, taking a deep breath as he did so. 

It was then that it really hit him. Taking in that breath, he realized the scents he took in were somewhat muted. Oh, he could still pick up on traces of different things in the air—chemicals, personal scents, pollen on the breeze. However, it wasn’t as sharp and distinct as it was with his full Time Lord body. He had to think about things hard and carefully analyze them in order to distinguish fine details. It was like someone had draped a blanket between him and the rest of the world, dulling his senses slightly. Which lead to another disturbing thought, just what else was affected?

Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose as he took a quick inventory. He already knew he had only one heart, and yep, no respiratory bypass either. This body was a bit more fragile, still stronger then a human’s but less then his full Time Lord self. And, oh, oh no, this was bad. This was very bad. He had no control at all over his hormones. Which meant it was going to be har- . . . _difficult,_ to hide his reactions to one very attractive Miss Rose Tyler. 

Groaning a little, he did a quick check of his mental and telepathic capabilities. Luckily enough, he retained the Gallifreyan physiology for the brain, which left his mental skills more or less intact—perhaps not quite as sharp—but there at the back of his mind, was the faintest of presence of the TARDIS and of the full Time Lord. 

That presented a whole other set of problems, but it would take the Time Lord actually being on the same planet and in the same time to pick up on him. He was gone now, so he could relax. They might never be in the same time and planet again. Odds were they would just crisscross each other’s paths through space and time. Oh, who was he kidding, this was _the Doctor and Rose Tyler_. Of course, it would happen sooner or later. Which would mean what, for him?

“Doctor, are you okay?” Rose’s voice interrupted his increasingly more morose train of thoughts, as did the plate of fish and chips she set down in front of him. When he breathed in the scent, his stomach growled at him again. Opening his eyes, he looked into her worried expression and dragged up a smile.

“I’m fine,” he hastened to reassure her, as he picked up a chip. He popped it into his mouth, chewing as he took in her skeptical expression. After he swallowed, he sighed and sat back, his conscience prodding at him not to lie to her. Oddly enough, it almost sounded like Donna’s voice pestering him.

“Okay, I’m not fine. I just don’t want to worry you.” His admission had her hand sliding over to clasp his. 

“It’s okay to worry me. I’m not completely fine either.” His eyes met hers, and he saw the pain hidden in their depths. “I’ve learned how to keep going and having you here with me helps. Once things get sorted, well, I’m sure there will be lots we have to talk about.”

He squeezed her hand lightly, keeping it there as he reached for another chip. Somehow he just felt more settled, calmer, having her hand to hold. “Speaking of which, what did you have planned, originally?”

Rose’s smile was ghosting her lips, but it was there. Choosing to eat left-handed, she kept her hand in his, taking bites interspacing their conversation. “Oh, Dad set me up with some stuff to convert to cash. I figure Jack can help with that. Originally, I was thinking of going to uni and studying for a bit. Still can, but I was thinking if we settle in Cardiff, that might help our TARDIS grow, being near the rift and all.” 

“Oh, that’s brilliant!” He beamed a smile at her and saw her smile grow stronger in response. “A ready source of energy for the baby TARDIS will help speed things up a bit. Still, most likely take a couple of years to reach full growth.” 

Then his face fell. “Oh, I suppose I’ll have to get a job; isn’t that just wizard.” 

Rose had to laugh at the face he made. “Could always work for Jack. I’m sure he’d be happy to help us out.”

At that, the Doctor made an even more disgusted face. “Now that just makes it worse.” But the expression faded into a smile as she laughed, because that was what he wanted.

“Jack’s not that bad,” Rose grinned at the look he shot her. “Besides, we have time to decide, we don’t have to decide everything right now. I’ve got more then enough to get us settled, and time to make decisions.”

There was something more; he could see how she was hesitating. “Rose, what is it?”

“Well, we are going to have to get some identification made up. Rose Tyler is dead here, so I’ll have to come up with another name.” She shot him a look, keeping her tone light. “You’ll have to think about that too. I mean, you’ll need human identification, you could go with John Smith, but that’s pretty generic.” 

He stopped eating, his stomach twisting as he stared at her. Insecurities sent a chill up his spine as his mind filled in other reasons. The Doctor went by John Smith, was it she didn’t believe he was really him? “I’ve always used John Smith. I’m still me.”

The look Rose gave him back was calm, and she squeezed his hand in reassurance. “I know you are, and if that is what you decide, that’s what we’ll use.”

It didn’t quite calm the sly lick of panic and insecurity. “I am still me—same memories, thoughts, same man. Just, some bits of Donna got thrown into the mix.”

She gave him a reassuring smile. “S’like when you regenerated, same man just the packaging changed. In this case it only changed a little, yeah?”

He breathed out slowly, calming. Rose believed him, believed in him; he was going to be okay. “Yeah, same man,” he shot her a look. “You’ll still call me Doctor, right?”

“Yes,” she was quick to reassure him.

Rose watched him relax as he started eating again. She was used to the Doctor extruding confidence no matter what. This him, though, seemed to have some insecurity, perhaps influence from Donna? The woman she met in that very wrong parallel world didn’t really believe she was anything special. 

She felt a flash of guilt at the way she was comparing him to the original. It was natural to do so; he both was the Doctor, and he wasn’t, all at once. It was going to take time for that fully to sink in. This Doctor, though, he was staying with her, and that was enough for now. 

He looked up and blurted out, “John Noble.” At her raised eyebrows he went on to explain. “Still me, but with a bit of Donna added. Do you think she would like that?”

Nodding slowly, her smile spread. “Doctor John Noble has a nice sound to it. I think Donna would be chuffed.” As she watched, he relaxed further. They were both on edge; they both had been running for a while. When they stopped, well, she would deal with that when it came. 

Before she could think more along that vein, her phone rang in her pocket. Fishing it out, she saw it was Jack calling, and she answered. “Hello?”

_”Hey Doll, just hitting London now, where are you?”_

Looking up at the corner, she rattled off the name of the chippie and the cross streets to Jack.

_I know right where you are, I’ll be there in ten minutes. How are you holding up?_

The concern in his warm voice was evident, and she smiled slightly. “M’fine. We’re fine. Might need some help with a place to crash once you get us back to Cardiff.

_Already on it, Gwen booked a nice hotel room for you, and I’ve got the bill covered, so don’t worry about it. Got you one room, two beds, so whatever you two are up to, or not, you are covered. Though I think you should take him out for a test drive and give me all the details.”_

“Jack!” Her voice was filled with laughter, “Not happening.”

_“The test drive or the details?”_

“I’ll see you in ten minutes, Jack.” With a grin, she hung up, looking over to the Doctor’s raised eyebrows. “Just Jack being Jack, y’know? He’ll be here shortly, so it’s a good thing we are about done here.” Rose watched him start and look down at the empty plates. 

“Blimey. Didn’t realize we had finished all that. Was too caught up in talking to you, I guess.” 

Bemused at his surprise, she studied him. “Feeling better, though, getting some food in ya?” 

His expression cleared as he considered and nodded slowly. 

“I thought you might, come on lets clear out, yeah?”

They relinquished hands and picked up and tossed things in the nearest rubbish bin. Though as they walked towards the street, it seemed automatic to reach and twine fingers again. It was an instinctive gesture, linking hands—the fit feeling just right. 

Rose looked over at the Doctor, and then her gaze flicked up into the sky. It was dark, but the lights of London prevented her from seeing any stars. He was out there, somewhere, the original Doctor, and a part of her ached knowing that. Was he okay? Was Donna looking after him? It was such a disjointed feeling, being worried about him out there, when he was also right here next to her. 

When she dropped her gaze down, she felt the Doctor’s eyes on her. Looking over, she gave him a small smile. His expression was hard for her to read at the moment. He opened his mouth, a question on his lips, when they were interrupted by a black SUV pulling up to them. The window of the passenger side rolled down and a familiar voice called out, “Someone here call for a taxi?”

Rose’s whole face brightened, and she launched forward, the Doctor coming with her, as both refused to relinquish their grip. “Mickey! Jack didn’t tell me you were going to be here too.”

The dark skinned man grinned, pushing the door open and giving her a hug, which Rose returned one armed. “Yeah, well, I figured Captain Cheesecake could use an extra driver, just in case. After the last time, you aren’t allowed to drive when I’m in the car.” 

Rose just laughed. There was the sound of another car door slamming shut, and Jack came around the bonnet of the car. “Okay, where’s mine, and I told you, Mickey Mouse, it’s _beefcake._ ”

This time, Rose broke free and ran forward, Jack sweeping her up in a hug. “I have to say, Rosie, the other Doctor is an idiot, but I’m glad I get to spend some time with you.”

Rose’s breath hitched once, and Jack’s hold on her gentled. “Rose?”

His voice was laced with concern, and Rose pulled back shaking her head. “M’fine, really, I am.”

The Doctor approached her slowly, caution written all over his body language. She reached over to grab his hand when he got close. “Just really missed you, Jack, how did you get here and everything anyways?”

Jack swung his gaze over to the Doctor, who rocked slightly on the balls of his feet, his face a mask. “Well, that is a really long story. How about the two of you hop in? Mickey and I are just going to stretch our legs a bit. We’ll be right back and then head to Cardiff. Sound good?”

Rose frowned, looking from Jack to the Doctor, who offered a tight lipped smile. “Alright, I still want that story, mind.” 

“In the car, Blondie,” Jack teased her lightly, as he and Mickey started to walk off. 

“Oi, watch it!” Rose gave him a playful swat and opened the door, starting to climb in, the Doctor following her. 

As soon as they shut the door, she turned to look at him. “What was that all about?”

The Doctor was quiet, staring at his shoes before lifting his gaze to meet her eyes. “Do you remember anything from the Game Station—from when you came back to rescue me?”

Rose turned a little, and steeled herself visibly, while keeping her hand in his. “Almost everything now, some of the details are a little fuzzy. I started having dreams in th’ other universe. That’s when it started coming back t’me.” 

“Oh,” the Doctor rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “Do you remember bringing Jack back to life?” 

Her gaze turned inward as she carefully sorted through the memory, she nodded slowly, gaze locking with the Doctor’s again. “I do now.”

“Weeeeeeellllll, you weren’t fully in control of the power, and you kinda brought him back to life permanently.” He watched her face as she puzzled through is meaning and then paled. 

“Y’ mean he can’t die, ever?” Rose was horrified at the thought, eyes wide.

“He can die, he just can’t stay dead.” 

“And we just _left_ him there?” The Doctor winced at her tone and moved hastily to explain.

“Rose, listen, you remember I had to draw the Vortex energy out of you so you wouldn’t burn up?” 

She scowled a little at him. “Yeah, and you kissed me doing it, don’t think we’re not talking about that later.” 

“Yeeeees, well, anyways,” he hastily started explaining the rest, “I was dying; I had to get you into the TARDIS. What happened to Jack made him a living fixed point. Now you need to understand that we are trained from a very young age to stay away from fixed point. A living being becoming a fixed point just feels utterly wrong; it isn’t something that was ever supposed to happen. So I was hurting, trying to make sure you were okay, and my instincts were screaming at me to get away from him. A Time Lord has to be really sick in mind to deliberately mess with a fixed point of any kind.”

Rose listened, her expression calming. “An’ then you regenerated, got regeneration sickness, and fought the Sycorax.”

A somewhat wry and bitter smile twisted the Doctor’s lips. “That was also when my hand got chopped off, the hand that eventually resulted in my creation. Which is an odd way to think about it, but so very true, I was that Doctor then, and this Doctor now.”

They were both silent for a moment, and then he cleared his throat and continued. “By the time that was over, well, I didn’t forget about him but . . .” His voice trailed off, and he tugged on his ear. “You were so uncertain for a bit over my regeneration, and I was a little afraid that you would go off with him.” 

Rose’s mouth opened and then shut, as he stared at his shoes. “Oh,” she finally managed. 

“Yeah, not my finest moment,” he risked a glance up at her.

Rose was quiet, thinking it over, and in that moment Mickey and Jack climbed back in the vehicle. Rose leaned forward, letting go of the Doctor’s hand to give Jack a hug. “M’ so sorry, I didn’t mean to do it, Jack.”

He was startled at first, but then Jack shot a glance at the Doctor, giving Rose a gentle squeeze back before she pulled away. “S’okay, Rosie, I came to terms with it a long time ago. Besides, it’s allowed me to save a lot of lives. I take it the Doctor explained it to you?” 

She nodded, shifting back into her seat. The Doctor slowly reached over for her hand again, and she promptly took it. His taut frame relaxed.

Jack looked back at them as Mickey started up the vehicle, “Next stop, Cardiff.”


	3. Adjustments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose has a nightmare, and next day they go shopping

_Rose was quiet, thinking it over, and in that moment Mickey and Jack climbed back in the vehicle. Rose leaned forward, letting go of the Doctor’s hand to give Jack a hug. “M’ so sorry, I didn’t mean to do it, Jack.”_

_He was startled at first, but then Jack shot a glance at the Doctor, giving Rose a gentle squeeze back before she pulled away. “S’okay, Rosie, I came to terms with it a long time ago. Besides, it’s allowed me to save a lot of lives. I take it the Doctor explained it to you?”_

_She nodded, shifting back into her seat. The Doctor slowly reached over for her hand again, and she promptly took it. His taut frame relaxed._

_Jack looked back at them as Mickey started up the vehicle, “Next stop, Cardiff.”_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rose’s heart beat so loudly she could hear the pulse of it in her ears. Her feet slapped against the ground as she ran. She was always running—it seemed like. The surge of adrenaline and the thrill of adventure were her friends, but not here. Here she ran through a long tunnel of darkness. All around her, pinpricks of light were winking out. 

Fear coated her stomach, twisting it as she ran towards the blue box at the end of the tunnel. Inside, it held all the answers and the hopes of two universes. It held the love she craved, that her very soul cried out for. Her path to him was not clear. It was filled with French courtesans, with aliens that chased after her, and with men with guns. Metallic voices called out things like “exterminate” or “delete”—echoing harshly in her ears. 

The end of the tunnel was finally in sight, just a few more feet to go, when she slammed into a massive white wall. It sprang up from the ground—this immense, smooth, hard wall—separating her from her hopes and dreams. She couldn’t stop herself; her body crashed into it, shocked by the abrupt end to her flight. Her fingers scrabbled along its surface, desperate to break through.

She couldn’t get through the white wall, but suddenly she could see through it. Her heart leapt with joy as she saw the Doctor on the other side, his slender frame covered in brown pinstripes and wrapped in that long coat. The Doctor’s eyes focused on her for a moment, and then her heart sank when he turned around and started walking away. Desperation surged through her as she clawed at the wall, calling out, “Doctor, _Doctor,_ I’m here. Don’t go!” 

He turned around slightly, as if he had heard her, before turning back and continuing to walk away. Rose’s world narrowed, burning stars crashing to the ground as he got further and further away. “Doctor, don’t leave me, please! _Don’t go!”_  
~~~~~

The newly minted Doctor John Noble braced his hands on the railing of the balcony to their hotel room. It was very early in the morning when he had woken from sleep. At first he had just laid there, wondering at the warm weight of Rose Tyler curled against him. Somehow, out of all of this, he had managed to hang on to his hearts’ desire. Well, his singular heart’s desire. He only had one now, but if anything, the love he felt for Rose had only grown, not shrunk. 

So many thoughts started buzzing in his head; he was unable to fall back into sleep. Afraid he would wake her, he carefully eased away from Rose and climbed out of bed. It wasn’t an easy feat, the way she had been wrapped around him, but he managed. Rose had always been a bit of a deep sleeper. He knew that from the times he would burst into her room on the TARDIS to wake her for some mad adventure, most of the time being chased back out again with a thrown pillow. 

Now there was no TARDIS—just each other. Well, no TARDIS yet. The piece of coral he had would take time to grow. Less time, thanks to Donna, but still time. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to resent that fact, because he had his pink and yellow human with him. He had had a taste of life without her, and life with her, TARDIS or not, was better. He opened the door to the balcony to get some fresh air, and possibly, he hoped, to calm his thoughts. 

Standing out there, he was glad it was dark, because he was clad only in his thin undershirt and boxers. Neither of them had extra clothes, though there was the promise of shopping tomorrow, or rather later today. He found that oddly appealing, which was strange. He was forced to chalk that up to whatever influence Donna had on his creation. 

The Doctor shivered slightly at the chill, forcibly reminded of the lack of control he had over this human body. On the trip to Cardiff, he had barely managed to mask his reaction to Rose’s closeness when she leaned against him. When he shifted in his seat, she had almost pulled away, but he kept an arm around her, reassuring her everything was fine. He was glad Rose didn’t seem to have seen Jack’s grin in the rear-view mirror. 

When they got to the hotel, there had been an awkward moment about sleeping arrangements. In the end, neither had wanted to be apart, so they curled up together in one of the beds. They weren’t ready quite yet to push things further, regardless of what his body thought, so it was just sleeping. At that point he was finding himself tired enough that he could mostly keep his mind off tempting things. Instead, just having Rose near was enough. 

He went back to ignoring the slight chill, returning to his previous thoughts. Later, he was going to need to make a list of everything they would need for growing the TARDIS. Hopefully Torchwood had some equipment they could use; otherwise, they would have to use the Vortex Manipulator to go shopping. Ooooh, more shopping. Wait, wait—that was a Donna-like reaction. Another one. 

Then, behind him, he heard Rose crying out. The Doctor whipped around and sprinted inside towards the bed. She was in the grip of some sort of nightmare and calling out for him, or the other him. Regardless, he was the one here; he was the one who would take care of her. 

“Rose, Rose, wake up. You are having a nightmare.” Sliding into the bed, he gently gripped her shoulder, calling for her in a coaxing voice. For a moment, she struggled against him; then she awoke with a jerk. “Doctor?”

“I’m right here; I’m not going anywhere.” 

Rose felt his cool touch as he drew her close, and she burrowed into him. _~He didn’t leave me. He’s here. He’s right here,~_ her mind chanted for a moment. Then, under her ear, she heard only one heart beating—one singular, _human_ heart beating—and it all came crashing down. 

Rose’s grip on him loosened for a moment, and then it returned, redoubled. The Doctor simply wrapped his arms tightly around her as her shoulders jerked, and he felt a sudden dampness on his shirt. Closing his eyes, he pressed his cheek to the top of her head. “Shhhhh, it’s alright. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” His own voice broke a little, thinking of the pain he and the other Doctor had put her through. “Just let it out, Rose. It is okay.” The Doctor rocked her gently, rubbing her back with one hand.

“You, he, _left_ me. _Three times,_ you left me. Th’ first time, Mum, Mickey, and a yellow truck got me back. An’ I found my way back after I fell, and this last time, he left me behind _again._ ” The words came out, laced with pain, anger, and grief.

The Doctor flinched slightly, as her words hit home. The first time, he was doing his best to save her life. Since she said that she fell, she wasn’t referring to Canary Wharf as the second time. No, it was the damn stunt he pulled on the spaceship coming back to haunt him. The third time, oh, that was all the other Doctor, trying to make decisions for other people. The self-hatred twisted in his belly, shifting towards the other Doctor, as well as a bit for himself. Because he _was_ that man, at least he had started out as that same man. What he did now, though, that would make the difference. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Rose.” His arms tightened around her again. “I know those are just words, but if you let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I love you, Rose Tyler, and my choice will always be to _stay_ with you.”

She shuddered, and then a tiny part of her relaxed, just letting her grief flow. He held her, the man that chose to follow her, letting her cry herself out. Eventually, they both fell back asleep that way, in a tangle of limbs, of grief and comfort. 

~~~~~

The next time the Doctor surfaced, light was shining in his eyes, and a cool breeze made him shiver. Opening his eyes, he realized the door to the balcony was still wide open. Carefully climbing out of bed, so as to not disturb Rose, he moved to shut the door and draw the curtains closed. 

Turning back around, he studied Rose for a moment, curled in bed, her face wiped clean of emotion. She slept peacefully, looking no older then the day they first met. The experiences that shaped her were absent on her sleeping face. A small smile danced on his lips; finally, he could be with the woman he loved.

Ruffling a hand through his hair, he realized with a grimace that he must be a mess. Giving a last look at the sleeping blonde, he moved towards the bathroom. A shower and a shave, apparently, would be the first order of the day—and a toothbrush, definitely a toothbrush, as well. 

~~~~~

An odd buzzing sound penetrated Rose’s sleep, dragging her towards wakefulness. Opening her eyes, she found herself in an empty bed, the space beside her cool to the touch. Light leaked from around the curtains and the bathroom door. The buzzing noise came again, and her sleep-fogged brain cleared enough to realize it was her phone. Dragging herself out of bed, she reached for her jacket draped over the chair. Fishing her phone out of the pocket, she answered it. 

“’Lo?”

_“And a good morning to you, sunshine. Sleep well?"_

“Hey, Jack. Well enough, anyways.” Rose stretched, glancing over to the bathroom where the sound of running water had just shut off. 

_”So how did that test drive go?”_

Rose groaned, “Jaaaaack.” 

_“Fine, fine, I’ll stop. Listen, I was calling to see if you guys were ready to for me to swing by and pick you up to get something to eat and get started on the shopping expedition."_

“You are going with us?” Rose was amused by the prospect.

_“Hell, yes. It’s not everyday you get to play dress up with a Time Lord, or even a part Time Lord.”_

At that moment, the Doctor stuck his head out the bathroom door, and Rose’s heart skipped a beat. His hair was still damp from the shower, and he just had a towel slung around his hips. He gave her a questioning look.

_“Rose, you still there?”_

Blinking, she focused back on the conversation. “Yeah, Jack, give us about half an hour, maybe, and we should be good to go.” The Doctor’s expression cleared in understanding, and he ducked back into the bathroom. 

_“Alright, Rosie, but really, I think you should take more time to . . .”_

“Jack!” Amused, Rose stopped him before he could go further. “I’m hanging up now; see you in a half hour.”

_“See you two then, doll."_

Bemused, she hung up the phone and put it in the pocket of her jacket. As she did so, she heard some rather colorful swearing from inside the bathroom. With a chuckle, she padded towards that door to hopefully rescue the Doctor from whatever crisis he had managed to find in there.

~~~~~

After brunch, as they had managed to sleep in, Jack took them shopping. Rose had given him one of the packets last night to change into money. It would take time and care to exchange the full extent of what she had into cash, but they had plenty now to get them started. Shopping with Jack and this version of the Doctor was definitely an interesting experience. Jack had gone shopping with her before, back when they traveled with their first Doctor. So she already knew he had excellent taste. What surprised her was how the Doctor became so enthused about this project.

“No, no, that’s not a good color for you; try this, and it’s even on sale!” Both Rose and Jack were rather bemused by the selections he put in her arms, shooing her towards the dressing room. Actually, it seemed like the Doctor was surprised, himself, at his actions. Sometimes, she could see him stop in his tracks with a rather perplexed expression on his face. But he would shrug and carry on. At one point, she had to drag him away from an argument with a sales clerk about the price on a certain article of clothing.

The good thing about this was that he seemed to have a better grasp on money and bargain shopping. The downside was that he insulted over half of the sales clerks. The threat of Jack going into the changing rooms was enough to keep him from spending too long in there. 

By the time they piled back into the black SUV, they were loaded down with bags and plenty of clothes. Jack smiled and twisted around in the driver’s seat to look at them. “So what’s next on the agenda for you two crazy kids?”

Rose smiled at him. “Jack, you don’t have to spend all this time helping us.” 

He just shook his head. “Not a problem. I’m enjoying it, actually. It’s nice to do some simple, normal things for a while.”

She gave him a wry smile. “I know what you mean. I s’pose the next thing would be personal items we need to pick up—like shampoo and stuff. Eventually, we will have to figure out a place to live. The hotel is okay for a couple of nights, but we are going to need space for us and our little project.” 

With a sigh, she leant back against the seat, tipping her head back. “Not too domestic for you, Doctor?”

“Nope!” With a smile, he popped the p. “With you, it’s not so bad.”

Jack shook his head with a smile. “Alright, next stop, personal stuff. As for a place to live, we’ll need to get your new identities set up first, anyways. So we can take a list of what you need and find options later for you to look at.”

At the shop, it didn’t take Rose long to find what she needed. However, the Doctor got stuck in the hair care section. They finally had to buy five different kinds of product for him to try out later. For some reason, the store employees didn’t appreciate him wanting to try out the product in the store. “But Rooooose, how am I going to know what’s going to work best? Some of these might be complete rubbish.”

She just rolled her eyes, while trying not to laugh, “Rude.” Rose gave him a shoulder bump as they moved towards the front of the store.

“That’s me, rude and still not ginger. Why couldn’t I have gotten that from Donna instead of only having one heart? Completely unfair, I tell you.” Rose listened to his grousing with good humor. 

“Could be worse.” Rose smiled at him, the tip of her tongue sticking out in her smile.

“How could it be worse?” The Doctor eyed her as they carried the bags out to the vehicle. 

“You could have gotten more Donna parts and less you parts.” She carefully watched his expression, humor lacing her tone.

For a moment he was puzzled, and then a horrified expression slid over his face. “Oh, Rose Tyler, that’s just cruel.” Her laughter, though, was music to his ears.

When they piled into the SUV, Jack was on the phone, with a serious expression on his face. “They found what now?” He glanced back at the Doctor and Rose, who had quieted, looking at him. “Alright then, we’ll go check it out.” There was a slight pause, and then he smiled as he responded, “Oh, I think you will find they are a couple of experts.”

“What’s up, Jack?” the Doctor was the first to ask.

“Oh, nothing too major, just something we should check out.” As he spoke, he started the SUV up, pulling out of the parking spot. In the distance, some strange lights flickered, and there seemed to be smoke rising.

Rose grinned and turned towards the Doctor. “I think they are playing our song. Care for a dance, Sir Doctor?”

He grinned back at her, “Oh yes, Dame Tyler.”


	4. Of Parts and Packs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and her Doctor visit a Marketplace for parts.

_“What’s up, Jack?” the Doctor was the first to ask._

_“Oh, nothing too major, just something we should check out.” As he spoke, he started the SUV up, pulling out of the parking spot. In the distance, some strange lights flickered, and there seemed to be smoke rising._

_Rose grinned and turned towards the Doctor. “I think they are playing our song. Care for a dance, Sir Doctor?”_

_He grinned back at her, “Oh yes, Dame Tyler.”_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They laughed as they strolled through the alien marketplace, hand in hand. It was their first trip with the vortex manipulator to get added supplies for growing their baby TARDIS. John had recommended they give this place and time a try. It was bustling with so many different kinds of people and shops, making it a perfect place to find things. Plus, it gave Rose the off-world adventure she was craving in a relatively safe setting—not that she would have minded danger. However, the point, at least this time, was to get some supplies they needed. 

It was a little different traveling via the vortex manipulator. For one, they ended up exactly where they intended to. The trip was a bit harder on them physically, despite the debatable skill of the Doctor’s TARDIS driving. There was no safe base to run back to, just them and their wits. And the manipulators had to be carefully programmed with coordinates; no sentient machine helped guide their travel. Rose missed the TARDIS with an almost-physical ache. Soon enough, they would have their own. Until then, they could make do. It wasn’t like she hadn’t learned how to do that. However, she was looking forward to the day she didn’t have to.

Glancing over at her Doctor, her John, she was rewarded with his sunny smile. Both of them grinned ear to ear as they made their way through the marketplace, hands firmly clasped. A warm thrill pulsed inside her at his grin. She could have so easily been stuck on her own doing this. He could have said no, demanded answers she didn’t have time to explain, refused to go anywhere. Instead, he had trusted her and followed her lead. Now they were on this grand adventure together. 

His eyes suddenly lit up, and he pointed. Following his gaze, she saw the shop and gave a laugh as he tugged her towards it. Once inside, she saw that it was filled to the brim with all sorts of mechanical bits and bobs. It didn’t take long before he was exclaiming over something and dragging her to see it. She couldn’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm. “Rose, look at this! I haven’t seen one of these in ages.” His quick sideways glance at the shop owner didn’t escape her notice as he continued to sort through the bins. “It’s not a perfect match, but it might work. Let’s see what else they have.”

He was like a kid in a candy shop, happily rummaging through the bins, pulling out parts to look at. Most of it she could barely recognize, even with her Torchwood training. There wasn’t much Rose could contribute at the moment, even though she was helping him grow the TARDIS. It was good, though, to see him enjoying himself so much, even if it was a bit boring for her. 

As they moved through the store, something across the street glinted in the sunlight and caught her eye. He had released her hand while going through the bins, and she took a few steps to better look out of the shop’s window to see whatever had caught her eye. Her gaze switched to him and then back out the window again, debating to herself.

“Doctor?”

The Doctor had sat down, bin pulled in front of him and shiny bits of metal scattered all around him. He glanced up at her questioning tone, a quizzical expression on his face. It was the kind of expression that made her want to grin and ruffle his hair, but for now she was distracted by the display across the street. “M’going across the street to check something out. If I finish before you, I’ll come back here, okay?”

His hand twitched for a moment, and his shoulders tensed. Then he relaxed and gave her a sunny grin, “Just remember, no wandering off; you, Rose Tyler, are far too jeopardy friendly to go wandering off on your own.” 

“Oi, I’m the jeopardy friendly one? I seem to recall you have the tendency to attract trouble where ever you go.” The tip over her tongue peeked out of her grin as she put her hands on her hips.

“Me?” The Doctor adopted an innocent expression, looking up at her. “When did I ever get us into trouble? . . . Don’t answer that.”

With a laugh, she moved towards the door. “Just try to stay out of trouble; I don’t want to have to rescue you again from some lady insulted by the comment you made about her hat.” 

“That hat was an affront to society, and she really was better off without it,” he sniffed, and she laughed again and shook her head, strolling out of the shop. He watched her go, his legs flexing a moment, and then he relaxed, turning his focus back on the bins in front of him. Luckily, it was enough to keep him distracted. Mostly. 

The bell over the door jingled as she exited the shop, eyes focused on the display across the road. Rose let the door fall shut behind her, carefully looking to make sure she wasn’t stepping in front of anything or anyone before stepping out. The display was set up on the tables of an open-air stall covered with tablecloths in shades of deep blues and greens in an almost tie-dyed pattern. The easing overhead was of deep greens, with bright yellows and hints of pink peeking out, in the same pattern. Scattered across the table lay an assortment of handcrafted goods, ranging from jewelry to apparel to household items. 

The glint of light, which had caught her eye, came from the sun bouncing off a carved crystal figurine of a howling wolf. Rose couldn’t quite resist moving over towards it and picking it up. It was warm in her hand, and light refracted through the translucent crystal, filling it with rainbows. Its head was tipped back, eyes shut. It seemed to be calling out. A woman’s warm voice caused her to look up. “She sings to her pack, giving warnings, checking where they are, or calling them to her. Yet I think you already knew those things, Little Wolf.”

Lifting her eyes, Rose saw the woman approaching her. She was humanoid, with skin a coppery tone and eyes bright yellow. Her graying hair was braided back, the long tail of it running down her back. She wore clothing of tanned animal hide—shirt, leggings, and boots decorated with carvings made of bone. While she looked predominately human, her cheekbones were high and sharp, and there almost seemed to be a point to her ears. “It has been a long time since I saw you last, and while I had wish your Doctor had brought you to see me sooner, at least you are here now.”

Brows knit in confusion, Rose studied her for a moment before her eyes flew wide in recognition. This was Sa’leeha of the Lup’a tribe from the planet Charra. They had visited a festival there back when the Doctor wore leather and Jack was traveling with them. Rose had accidently gotten swept up in the celebration and carried off when she was mistaken as kin to the tribe. 

It had been sorted out in the end; it was one of those incidents that were relatively innocent. Well, relatively innocent in that Jack was involved and most stories involving Jack included a point where he ended up naked. There was also one very upset Time Lord when Rose was temporarily misplaced, but he had calmed down after he found her and realized they truly meant no harm. In fact, they ended up being invited to partake of the celebration, which was normally only open to tribe kin. Sa’leeha was something like a wise woman for the tribe, highly respected, and for some reason, had taken a strong liking to Rose. It was she that sorted out the misunderstanding and issued the invitation.

A wide smile broke out on Rose’s face; she clasped her hands together, giving the respectful bow that she had learned was their traditional greeting. “Sa’leeha, it is so good to see you. What do you mean, the Doctor bringing me to see you sooner?”

The older woman studied her a moment before beckoning for Rose to come around the tables. “He did not tell you, then? Come, Little Wolf, and sit with me for a bit. There are things to speak of.”

When Rose shot a look over her shoulder back to the shop across the street where the Doctor was, Sa’leeha followed her gaze. “We won’t take long. If any come looking for you, they will let us know right away.” 

Rose’s instincts had always told her this woman could be trusted, and she had treated Rose so kindly in the past. So with a last look over her shoulder, she moved around the tables, offering a bright smile. Sa’leeha returned it, guiding her towards a tent that echoed the designs of the tablecloth and awnings with a multitude of shades of green. 

“You know, I always wondered why you called me ‘Little Wolf,’” Rose commented, speaking the name giving Rose a slightly uneasy prickle, as Sa’leeha guided her to sit on a fat cushion on the ground. A small teapot sat on a table close to the ground. Sa’leeha gracefully sank down on a cushion across from her and turned to pour two cups of tea. Rose’s nose recognized the scent of klava, a hot, sweet beverage that reminder her little of chai tea. 

“Because that is part of who you are, Little Wolf, you would not have understood before, but the mark of the wolf was always upon you. It is much stronger now, and I think you know that. I could see it even back then and asked your Doctor to bring you back to see us after the mark grew stronger, but I think he was afraid.”

Holding the cup of tea in her hands, Rose let its warmth seep into her skin. “He wasn’t my Doctor, not then,” she frowned a little, taking a sip. “How do you . . .” Rose’s voice trailed off as she struggled to frame her questions into words. “What do you mean by ‘mark of the wolf’?”

A gentle smile played on the other woman’s lips. “He was already your Doctor then. As for the mark, my people, with the right training, can read and sense many things.” Moving her head slightly in the direction of the shop, her smile remained on her face. “Our perceptions are different than yours, or even your Time Lord’s. But the mark on you is so strong, even the untrained of us picked up on it and recognized you, even back then. It is even stronger now, and I dare say, growing?”

Rose was silent, her gaze dropping from Sa’leeha’s face down to her cup of tea. A part of her itched to talk to someone about what was happening to her, even as she fought against the impulse to hide it. She was afraid what would happen when this Doctor, her John, found out. He would have to know, someday; she just wasn’t ready for it to be today. The woman across from her sat patiently, and Rose took another sip, gathering her thoughts together. “It is. During my travels, what I endured started to change me. Well, to be honest, it started when I looked into the heart of time itself to save the Doctor.”

The wise woman’s face remained calm, containing neither judgment nor reproof. “Such things often come with a heavy price—the saving of a life, and the looking into the forbidden.”

Rose’s lips twisted into a bitter smile as she finished her tea. “Yes, it was far more than that, and one could say a price was paid that day for what was done. A life for a life, but far more was owed. For I did what I did without permission; I am just as guilty as many who think they are acting in the greater good without asking others what they want.”

Sa’leeha reached for Rose’s teacup, setting it aside before taking her hands into her own. “All choices have consequences, and you carry the burden of your actions in your heart. When such a burden becomes too difficult, you can always find sanctuary with the Lup’a. You are, Little Wolf, one of us in the heart of you. Brave, fierce, loyal—you defend your pack even as we defend ours. “

Rose took a deep breath and let it out, eyes rising from their joined hands to Sa’leeha’s face. “Thank you. I will remember. I should get back before he comes looking for me.” The itch, the urge to run from it all was growing inside her.

The wise woman patted her hands before releasing them. “As you wish, but, Little Wolf, you should tell him. Tell both what has happened, what is happening.”

Stiffening slightly, Rose forced herself to relax. “Not yet. M’not ready to yet. I know I will have to someday, but I want a chance to just live for a while.”

Dipping her head in acknowledgement, the wise woman reached over to the side table and picked up a figurine of a howling wolf. It appeared to be carved from a golden-colored crystal. Gently, she placed it in Rose’s hands; the heavy weight of it seemed to thrum for a moment. “Take this with you.” She closed Rose’s fingers around it. “A gift and a reminder, that one day, every pack member is called home.”

Rose started to protest, but a familiar voice distantly called her name outside. There were traces of worry in the tone, and she stood up, slipping the figurine in her pocket. “I will remember, and thank you.”

The golden-haired woman rushed out of the tent as the concerned voice came again, a bit louder, “Rose?”

The wise woman followed her out, watching as Rose lightly sprinted towards the brown-haired man in the blue suit wandering in the middle of the street. His expression morphed from slightly pinched and worried, to a bright, relieved smile. He caught her up in a warm embrace. She pulled back enough to grin up at him. 

Sa’leeha continued to watch as the pair broke apart and started down the street, hand in hand. A younger woman came up behind her. The young woman had dark brown hair, and she too observed as the pair made their way down the street. Just after they went around the bend, there was a brief flash of light. The younger woman looked up to Sa’leeha as she continued to watch the street for a moment. “Grandmother, she burned so brightly.” 

A faint smile danced on the wise woman’s lips. “She did, and she will become even brighter. The day may come she comes to us for peace, and she is to be always welcome, no matter what.” 

The young woman opened her mouth to speak, but a strange noise came from down the street. Puzzled, she turned in the direction of the sound. To her surprise, a few minutes later, a man in a long brown coat and a brown pinstriped suit walked down the street. His face was the same as the blue-suited man who had left with the golden wolf. Startled, she looked to her grandmother. She could see, under the wise woman’s calm expression, a thin layer of tension. “How are there two of them, Grandmother?”

The older woman glanced down at her. “Two of the same but not, and this one carries such darkness. Be careful, and say nothing to him. They must find each other on their own.” She dipped her head in understanding, watching as Sa’leeha stepped forward.

The Doctor paused in the street; he had come here to pick up some parts, but there was something teasing the edge of his mind. His gaze tracked across the street, trying to find out what was it that was nagging at him. A gentle breeze brushed by him, teasing the tablecloths of the open-air stall across the way. His eyes drifted and then were caught by the images of wolves. His feet seemed to have a mind of their own as they brought him over to stand in front of the table. A voice broke through his thoughts, causing him to look up, “Hello, Doctor, you should have brought her back to me. If you had, perhaps things would be different now.”

For a brief moment, pain flashed across his expression as he gazed at the woman that addressed him. Her yellow eyes bore into his, and for a second he felt like every bit of darkness inside of him was exposed to her. Then his expression shuttered, and he recognized the woman that addressed him. Briefly, a memory of happier times danced in his brain before he shoved it to the side. “Somehow, I doubt that. Hello, wise one. Say, just how did you recognize me? I looked rather different the last time we met.”

The casual air he had adopted didn’t fool her, but she chose not to challenge it at the moment. The wise woman kept her expression carefully neutral and never let her gaze leave his face. “You are unmistakable, Doctor, no matter what form you wear. The Children of the Wolf will always know you.”

He flinched slightly at the word “wolf” and then tried to carefully hide his reaction, still attempting the casual air. “Good trick. That must ruin costume parties, though. I mean, what fun is it if you automatically know who everyone is?”

The flippant tone didn’t elicit a reaction from her; she just continued to regard him steadily, her yellow eyes starting to make him uneasy. “I did not say we recognized everyone, just that children of the wolf will always recognize you. I have a gift for you, Doctor.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, though I do like a good present. Is it a banana? I love bananas.” He reached out, almost automatically, when she brought her hand forward, something clutched in it. “That’s too small to be a banana, unless it’s one of those ones from Fellis. Little things, there; wonderful taste, but hardly anything to them.”

Without responding to his banter, she dropped the small gift into his hand. The Doctor froze at sight of the small, carved figure of a howling wolf. It seemed to be made of some sort of dark blue crystal. The breeze swirled around him, and for a moment he could swear Rose’s scent filled his nose. “I’m not much into wolves these days,” he remarked, his voice a little dark and cold, almost dismissive, even as his fingers closed around the figurine.

The wise woman just regarded him solemnly. “It is part of a pair, and it must be sent out to find its mate. You have lost your light, Doctor. Perhaps it will help you find some again before you grow too dark.”

His eyes flashed up to meet hers again, a hint of a dark storm brewing inside them. “It would have a long wait it if it goes with me. I don’t intend to be finding anyone anytime soon. Safer that way, for them.” 

Sa’leeha just regarded him steadily. “No, Doctor. No one is safer that way.” He stretched out his arm, as if to give the figurine back, and she shook her head. “Keep it; it is meant for you.”

His expression became puzzled. “I thought you said it was meant to find its mate?” When she didn’t respond, he sniffed and took a step back, his hand putting the little figure in his pocket. “Right then, places to go. Thanks for the gift.”

Without another word between them, he turned away, his coat flaring out behind him. The breeze seemed to chase after him, carrying the hint of Rose’s scent. Inwardly, he groaned and started moving towards the TARDIS. He didn’t really need parts at the moment, but he did need to get out of there—away from the scent that might drive him mad.


	5. Home and Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The human Doctor and Rose are settled into their new home. When John comes home one day, he finds a bit of a surprise.

_Sa’leeha just regarded him steadily. “No, Doctor. No one is safer that way.” He stretched out his arm, as if to give the figurine back, and she shook her head. “Keep it; it is meant for you.”_

_His expression became puzzled. “I thought you said it was meant to find its mate?” When she didn’t respond, he sniffed and took a step back, his hand putting the little figure in his pocket. “Right then, places to go. Thanks for the gift.”_

_Without another word between them, he turned away, his coat flaring out behind him. The breeze seemed to chase after him, carrying the hint of Rose’s scent. Inwardly, he groaned and started moving towards the TARDIS. He didn’t really need parts at the moment, but he did need to get out of there—away from the scent that might drive him mad._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Doctor John Noble opened the door to their rented home with a smile on his face. It was a nice place, a snug little house in Cardiff with a small back garden. There were three bedrooms; the second was currently being used as a workroom where he tinkered with things, and the third was designated a guest room. The basement had been given over to growing the baby TARDIS out of sight. The kitchen was small, but suited their needs. What they really liked were the bookcases in the living room filled with books. The house had actually come furnished, which was a bit of a relief—one less thing they needed to worry about. The neighbors on either side were curious, but friendly—sometimes a little bit too friendly—but seemed like a nice lot over all. They had visited with them some and were going to have dinner together later on this week. 

It was an odd, almost settled, feeling but didn’t aggravate the itch to travel yet. If this was what being domestic was like, he could handle it for as long as it took the TARDIS to grow. There were times he even felt that he could handle it for longer than the TARDIS took to mature. Who knows, maybe someday they would have someone to put in that spare room. 

Before he could enter the house, though, he heard a voice calling to him, “John, dear!”

He turned to see one of his neighbors, Polly Malloy waving at him from her porch. The Doctor gave her a grin and wandered over to the fence, towards the older woman. He knew she’d probably want to chat for a minute and didn’t mind indulging her. “Hello, Mrs. Malloy. How’s Mr. Malloy doing?”

She flapped her hands at him. “I’ve told you, dear, it’s Polly and Nathan. No need for formality. He’s fine, off getting some supplies for the garden. You and Rose should think about putting one in; we’d be more than happy to help you!”

“Ah, well, we are both busy and travel a bit, so not sure about keeping something like that up.” He tugged on his ear, having already experienced the interesting aspects of Polly’s special herbs she tended to bake into desserts and such. Rose had laughed at him for days after. But who would expect that from someone that looked like a sweet old grandmother? Well, him, actually, with all the various encounters he had in his life.

“Nonsense, dear. There are some earth plants that are easy to take care of, and I’d be happy to keep an eye on things for you when you were gone.” Well, that would be the _other_ reason he should have known better. Polly and Nathan Malloy might look human, but they weren’t. They had an excellent disguise and had quietly settled here when they couldn’t return home—completely benign, just a bit different. Jack had actually helped them get established, and it was one of the reasons he had put Rose and the Doctor here. 

Their other neighbors were actually perfectly normal. Relatively. MaritaBeth and Kyle Caruthers—they just happened to be a Scottish couple from Edinburgh. At least, he was pretty sure they were entirely human. They did tend to take anything their rather odd neighbors did in stride, for the most part. 

“Weeeeelll, I’ll talk to Rose, and we’ll think about it.”

“You do that, dear.” She beamed a smile at him. “It would do her good, so she doesn’t spend all day indoors holed up with her books. Flowers and other growing things are beneficial for studying; we could even set up a nice study nook in your garden there. How are her classes going, by the way?” 

The Doctor’s smile brightened, a bit of pride infusing his expression. “Oh, just brilliant; she’s so incredibly clever, Rose is. She’s doing most of it online because of our schedules being somewhat . . . unpredictable. Not stopping her from being the top student, though.”

“Of course, she is! Just what I was telling Nathan, how lucky we are to have such clever young people next to us.” She beamed a smile at him. “I owe Jack a thank you for settling you near us.” Then there was a bit of something else under her smile that the Doctor didn’t really want to think about. “Do tell that dear, Nathan and I are missing him. He really should stop by sometime, so we can catch up, if you know what I mean.”

“I. Er . . .” his mind froze a little as he really tried not to wonder what Jack would get up to with them. “Weeeeellllll, no need to explain, anyways. I’ll be sure to tell him when I see him next. I should be getting inside.” He lifted up the bag dangling from his hand. “I wouldn’t want Rose’s ice cream to melt.”

“Go on, dear,” Polly flapped her hand at him again. “Tell her I said hello, and we’ll see you later!”

“Yes, quite, and the same to Nathan. We’ll see you soon.” He hastily made his escape before she could try to get into any details about Jack. There were, in fact, some things he really didn’t want to know. 

Opening up the door again, he ducked inside, closing it before heading into the kitchen. “Rose, I’m back, and I grabbed your favorite ice cream.” Her books and papers were spread over the table, laptop open but in sleep mode. When there was no response, he frowned slightly but moved to put the ice cream and other items in the bag away. “Rose?”

The house didn’t have the aura of being empty, but he couldn’t hear her moving about, either. Wandering through the house, he continued to call out without answer. A faint frown slid on his face as he listened carefully for sounds of movement. He didn’t hear any, but he slowly realized there was a sort of hum going on in the back of his mind—one that felt familiar, but that he couldn’t quite identify. 

When he reached the door to the basement, he opened it up and descended down the stairs, finding what he was looking for, plus a bit of a surprise. There sat Rose, with her hands cupped around the growing coral of their baby TARDIS. It was much bigger now than the small chunk that had fit in the palm of his hand, which they had started with. It had grown to a foot-and-a-half in height and sat nestled in the nutrient bath he had fixed up for it. As he watched, it glowed slightly and seemed to swell even bigger.

He could feel something flowing between the two and the fact that it was strengthening the baby TARDIS. Somehow, some way, Rose was connecting to it in a manner he didn’t realize was possible for her. It was then that he identified just what that hum at the back of his mind was. It felt familiar because it came from sources he knew. The unfamiliarity was simply because he wasn’t expecting the strength of it, or the fact that it was the two of them together. 

Sitting down heavily on the stairs, he stopped and stared at them, his mind filled with astonishment, wonder, and a touch of fear. His precious, beautiful, pink and yellow human was mentally connecting with their TARDIS. This was incredible, extraordinary, and entirely unexpected. Humans were not telepathic, especially not twenty-first century humans. So how was she capable of this? Bracing his elbows on his knees, he threaded his hands in his hair, closing his eyes. A million and one thoughts raced through his Time Lord brain as he struggled to make sense of it all. He wasn’t sure exactly how long he sat there, but eventually, the humming at the back of his mind changed slightly. 

Then he felt Rose’s hand on his arm, but he didn’t look up. 

Finally, he spoke, “I keep trying to figure out how you became telepathic without me noticing and why you didn’t tell me. I thought we said no more secrets. Or did that just apply to me keeping secrets from you?”

The almost-dull quality to his tone made Rose flinch. Biting her lip, she settled in front of him, lightly tugging on his arm. “Doctor, look at me, please?”

At her pleading tone, he slowly pulled his hands from his hair and brought his gaze to hers. Her hands went up to cover his, and she licked her lips a moment before starting. “Best I can figure, it’s because of the TARDIS. She was in my head when we were traveling, yeah?”

He nodded slightly, his eyes staying on hers, never wavering as she spoke. “After . . . after the Game Station, the connection got stronger. I could hear her more. So I think something about that maybe changed me a little.”

His expression shifted, and she could read the guilt that began to dance across his face. “And I never checked you after that. I was just so happy you were okay that I didn’t think that it might have changed you. Which was rather thick of me, now that I think about it.” He closed his eyes, a trace of anguish flickering on his face. “I didn’t want to think about how you survived that; I just wanted you to be okay.”

“Doctor, listen to me.” Rose reached up to cup his face in her hands, his eyes opening again. “I knew that there was a risk, but saving your life? It was worth anything to me, an’ it still is. I needed you then, and I need you now. S’why I was afraid to tell you.”

Confusion knit his brows as he stared at her, her face just a short distance from his as she leaned in. “Afraid? Why would you be afraid to tell me?”

It was Rose’s turn to look away now. “Rose?” His voice caused her to look back, and he could see the uncertainty on her face. “I was afraid, afraid that if I told you, you’d push me away. An’ I need you, you are _my_ Doctor, my John.” 

“But, why would I push you away? Unless there is something else you aren’t telling me?” His hands shifted and then tightened on hers, threading their fingers together.

Rose licked her lips, her glance darting away for a moment and then back to his face. She could _try_ to lie, but he was right, they had promised no more secrets. “When the stars went out, and we built the dimension cannon so I could find you, well, we didn’t exactly find you on the first try.”

Her gaze was a touch nervous as she studied his face. When he nodded for her to go on, she let out another breath and continued slowly. “Well, travelin’ like that was rough, on everybody. Everybody that is, except for me. They did a test an’ realized that somehow my cellular regeneration rate was higher than most humans—a lot higher. So I heal pretty fast, and my body can take more damage than most. I can still be hurt. Trust me on that, found that out pretty quick. Wasn’t always fun an’ games, some of the places I landed. From then on, though, I was the only one that used it ‘til the end.”

Tugging lightly on her hands, he pulled her a bit closer so he could rest his forehead on hers, before closing his eyes. “Did they . . . did they find anything else?” he tensed up as he asked.

“No, for one, I didn’t want more tests. I didn’t want to be turned into some sort o’ human guinea pig. For the other, well, was more important that we find you. There wasn’t anything _bad_ going on or hurting me.”

With a swallow, he kept his eyes closed. “The Doctor, he could help you, run more tests.”

“No!” Startled at the strength of her objection, he opened his eyes to stare at her. “You _are_ the Doctor, John. I can see it; I see you. Maybe you are a little different now, but nothing we haven’t gone through before. If you want to run tests, fine, but he had his chance, and he chose to leave me behind. You chose to follow me.”

Weakly, he protested, still concerned, “But he has the TARDIS, access to things I don’t have and won’t be able to get for a while. He can do things for you that I _can’t._ ” 

“An’ there is nothing urgent about any of this. M’not sick. M’not in any danger of dying. If anything, my health is great, so if it waits for a bit, does any of it really matter?” The faint desperation of her tone penetrated, and he realized that she wasn’t the only one feeling insecure. 

“No,” his voice was a bit hoarse, but firm. “No, it doesn’t matter at all. Because if I have one month with you or a hundred years, you are worth it, Rose Tyler. I won’t leave you.” A breathy laugh burst out of him as he let go of her hands to cradle her face. “I can’t. I’m not strong enough. I can’t do this without you. I love you.”

Her eyes bore into his as she murmured softly, “I love you too, _my John._ "

They surged together, pushing to their feet, and it was impossible to tell who started the kiss. But that didn’t really matter, not when they were drowning together in that kiss. John pulled her tight to him, and her arms circled his waist, yanking his shirt out of his trousers so she could reach under it to touch his skin. 

Then, ever so tentatively, he brushed his mind against hers. He really wasn’t sure what to expect, but he had to reach out and touch, now that he knew that he could. In all his years, nothing could have prepared him for the experience of the warm welcome of Rose Tyler’s mind. It was like being drenched in sunlight or sipping stardust. It was the dizzying sense of love and devotion, of acceptance and desire.

It wasn’t just that she embraced him; it was far more than that. Rose accepted him, and the more he opened up, the more she filled. She was the light to his darkness, the balm to his wounded soul. She didn’t accept him despite his flaws, but _because_ of them. The flaws both of the Doctor, and the flaws of _her_ John, she accepted all of it. Rose Tyler didn’t think him perfect; she knew that both of them were far from it. 

Rose’s back suddenly hit the wall of the basement; unconsciously, John had been backing her up to it. He pinned her there, as the burn and ache spread through their bodies. Where hands touched, it felt like sparks flew across their skin. He had the presence of mind to rip his mouth away from hers, dropping his forehead to hers as they took great breaths. “Rose, if we keep going, I’m not going to be able to stop—not for anything.”

While the two of them had been sharing a bed, they hadn’t really _shared_ the bed. Instead, it was more that they couldn’t tolerate being apart in their sleeping hours. They needed the comfort of the other’s body pressed to theirs. It hadn’t gone further than that, not yet. Something had held them back, and that something was coming crashing down.

“Good,” Rose gazed intensely on him as she answered. Dragging a hand up and tangling it in his hair, she pulled his mouth back to hers, and they both gave themselves over to their instincts. Clothing was shed as mind and bodies entwined, until it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. A single shared thought pulsed between them, impossible to tell from whom it had originated, “Mine. At last, you are _mine_.”

Far away, across the distance of Time and Space, the TARDIS felt the possibilities of the timelines merge and fade. New possibilities were born, dazzling in their brightness or terrifying in their dark potential. Her Wolf and the Other Thief were strong together. It was good, because her Wolf would need the strength that would give her one day. Her Thief would need their combined strength very soon, even if its strength would hurt him in some ways. Sometimes, just sometimes, short-term pain was needed for long-term happiness. 

For now, she concentrated on her Thief, and he was in great pain. It was a pain that drove him to be alone and drove him towards madness. She couldn’t let that happen, she couldn’t let Time’s Champion fall to darkness. So she found her emissary that would make sure that their paths collided again.


	6. Timing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack comes for a visit.

_Far away, across the distance of Time and Space, the TARDIS felt the possibilities of the timelines merge and fade. New possibilities were born, dazzling in their brightness or terrifying in their dark potential. Her Wolf and the Other Thief were strong together. It was good, because her Wolf would need the strength that would give her one day. Her Thief would need their combined strength very soon, even if its strength would hurt him in some ways. Sometimes, just sometimes, short-term pain was needed for long-term happiness._

_For now, she concentrated on her Thief, and he was in great pain. It was a pain that drove him to be alone and drove him towards madness. She couldn’t let that happen. She couldn’t let Time’s Champion fall to darkness. So she found her emissary that would make sure that their paths collided again._

~~~~~~~~~

 

For a moment, they just rested there, John’s forehead tipped to rest against hers. A smile started to creep across Rose’s face, and his popped out, grinning at her. It was hard to tell who started laughing first, but they both laughed hard, clinging to each other. A look at their clothing scattered on the floor gave them a fresh wave of laughter. Finally, the laughter faded, and they simply stood, lost in the warm afterglow. 

“I love you.”

Rose’s quiet declaration brought another wide smile to John’s face. “I love you too.” 

It was the first time she had said it first since they had ended up together. He knew in his hearts, _heart,_ that she loved him. There had just been a tiny seed of fear that she wouldn’t want this him, though. That had been washed away in the aftermath of what had happened between them. Her quiet declaration warmed his soul. 

The warmth might have become a bit more heated, if not for the sound of Jack’s voice calling for them, “Rose, Doctor, where are you two love birds?”

A look of panic flashed across John’s face, and Rose laughed. “Jack, we’ll be there in a minute. Just wait in the kitchen,” Rose called up to their friend as John quickly gathered their clothes. 

“Rose!” he hissed at her as she stole the shirt he had been wearing. 

Giving him an unrepentant look, she pulled on her trousers. “Mine’s a mess. We are going to have to get new clothes anyways. She gave him a bit of a grin, her tongue peeking out from between her teeth. “Besides, I bet you like how I look that way.”

He stopped to look at her, really look at her, and his eyes darkened. Dropping the clothing in his hand, he advanced on her, promptly stopping in his tracks as Jack called down again. “Why,” his voice turned sly, “are you two trying to hide something from me?”

Turning to glare now in the direction of Jack’s voice, John shouted up the stairs. “Oi, Jack. Kitchen, now!” 

“Yes, sir, Doc.” Jack’s voice echoed down to him as Rose just laughed. 

“You know him. He’s going to think we were shagging down here.” She threw some of John’s clothing at him, which he caught.

“Let him. It’s the truth.” The dark look was still in his eyes and it made her shiver a little. He resumed advancing towards her, and she felt torn between laughing and pulling him in for snog. 

“Are you two sure you don’t want me to come down there, instead?” 

The couple turned together to yell up the stairs, “Jack!”

“I’m going. I’m going.” Jack’s voice had laughter in it, and they heard him finally start to move off.

“You know he’s just going to come down here and ask to join us if we don’t get moving.” John rolled his eyes, and muttered something else uncomplimentary as he snagged her hand and started hauling her up the stairs. 

They made a quick dash to their bedroom on the second floor, knowing Jack probably heard them running. Somehow, it didn’t seem a huge priority at the moment. “We could just get rid of him,” John suggested.

“Behave, you. There will be plenty of time later for _dancing._ ” Rose grinned, dropping her clothes in the hamper and moving to start selecting clean ones.

“That’s true,” John’s voice brightened. “We have our forever.”

Rose hesitated a beat, and then dropped her clean clothes on the bed. Stepping in towards him, she reached to lay a hand on the side of his head, the tip of her index finger on his temple. She smiled at him, and he could feel her warmth inside his mind. 

_~Now you can spend the rest of your life with me. I love you.~_

The grin spread across his face, and he made a small happy noise at the back of his throat. He reached to pull her into an embrace, only to have Rose duck under his arm and run into the en suite, shutting the door behind her. “Oh, that’s so not fair! You are going to get it later, Rose Tyler.”

The laughter was evident in her tone as she called back through the door, “I was counting on that!”

Ten minutes later, Rose entered the kitchen, giving Jack a smile. He was leaning on the counter, sipping a cup of coffee that he had made. “Hey Jack, sorry for the delay. We weren’t expecting you. What’s up?”

In reply, Jack simply studied her before a wide grin broke across his face. “I see you finally took my advice on the _dancing_. How was it?”

“Jack, stop it!” Rose moved to swat him on the arm, a faint blush coloring her cheeks.

“Oh, come on. I deserve some details after putting up with all that sexual tension on the TARDIS,” Jack ducked, teasing her.

“Hey, you were dropped off on those pleasure planets for R&R constantly, so I don’t know what you are complaining about,” Rose huffed, moving around him to start some tea. 

“Hey, I needed those breaks, or I might have spontaneously combusted,” Jack grinned at Rose, as she put the kettle on. “At least now you are admitting that there was sexual tension there.” 

“Jack, enough,” John’s voice called from the doorway as he entered the kitchen. He shot a slight scowl at the American captain, who held his hands up in surrender. John’s expression softened, though, when he looked over to Rose making the tea. 

“Cuppa?” Rose gestured to the tea kettle, the faint blush still on her cheeks.

“Ta.” The smile just kept growing on John’s face. 

“Awwww, you two are so cute.” 

John rolled his eyes. “Why are you here anyways, Jack?”

“You guys are starting to make me feel unwanted.” 

At Jack’s pout, Rose moved over and gave him a hug and a quick peck on the cheek. “Jack, we love you, and you are always welcome here.” She pulled back to grin at him. “Now spill.” 

“Alright, alright, already. Sit down, and I’ll tell you why I’m here.” Jack gestured to the kitchen table. Raising an eyebrow, John helped Rose clear space on the table as they all sat down.

Sitting back, Jack studied them both before speaking, “The Doctor was in London yesterday. Well, the other Doctor. UNIT actually ended up interacting with him.”

Rose froze, and John moved to put a hand over hers. Turning her head to look at him, she slowly relaxed. He tilted his head to touch his forehead to hers. Rose looked back over to Jack. “I take it was the Doctor in pinstripes?” 

“Yeah, and he was alone. Seemed to be doing alright, but there was no one there that knew him well enough to tell. He managed to make a bus fly, so that was rather impressive. Typical stop the bad guy, save people kind of day from all reports.” Jack stayed relaxed, taking another sip of his coffee.

“Wait, why wasn’t Donna with him? Or was this from another point in his timeline?” Brows knit, she looked over to her Doctor.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Rose, there has never been a human meta-crisis before, with reason. The human mind just can’t hold the Time Lord’s inside it. Not for long. If he couldn’t find another way, he would have had to suppress her memories in order to save her life.” At Rose’s stricken expression, he tentatively put an arm around her. “It would have been better than watching her die.”

“But what about him, all alone? Why didn’t you tell me?” Rose held herself stiffly.

He sighed, tugging on his ear, “I was hoping that maybe he’d found a way to fix her. Donna . . .” He swallowed and looked away.

“Is there something we can do?” Rose looked at John and then to Jack. 

Jack frowned, “If the Doctor couldn’t . . . Well, the other Doctor.”

“Look, Jack, let’s make this easier. Call me Doc or John. I don’t mind Doc so much now. I know who I am and what I have.” At that comment, he squeezed Rose’s hand. “So let’s just make it easier on everyone.”

“Are you sure?” 

It was Rose who asked this, looking at him intently.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I don’t need to be called the Doctor to know who I am. You know who I am, and that is enough for me.” There was no doubt or evasion in his body or tone.

Rose studied him for a few more moments and then nodded. “Good, but don’t think this gets you off the hook about Donna.”

He winced, and his gaze dropped, before she reached to touch the side of his face. “Hey, I get it that it was painful to consider for you. She meant a lot to you, yeah?” It was more than just Rose’s words. He could feel her mind gently brushing against his, offering comfort and understanding. 

Taking a deep breath, he nodded, meeting her gaze again. “Donna was my best friend; she made me laugh when I thought I might not ever be able to again.”

“Is,” Rose interrupted him. “She is your best friend, and we’ll do whatever we can to help her.”

John’s gaze on her was intense, and she could pick up on his grief, gratitude, and love for her swelling underneath it. Her cheeks heated, reacting to the connection. They started to lean towards each other when Jack’s voice interrupted.

“You know, table sex can be quite fun, and your table seems sturdy enough. Though the kitchen counters might be an even better height for a bit of fun. I am more than happy to help or give some pointers.”

“Jack!” The pair jolted back apart as they turned towards him simultaneously. Rose blushed, and John scowled a bit. 

The former Time Agent just smirked at them, “I’ll take that as a no, then.”

It was Rose that got everyone’s attention. “Seriously, is there anything that can be done for Donna? I mean, yeah, maybe the Doctor couldn’t do it alone, but what if we helped?” She directed the last part of that at John.

“Hmm, a second telepath might help.” 

Rose poked him, and he lifted an eyebrow. 

“I said what if _we_ helped. So three telepaths, and let’s not forget the TARDIS. Maybe she can help? Donna is half of the meta-crisis yeah? Maybe there is something you can do because of what you are?”

John’s eyes got wider, and his smile bloomed, stretching into a grin. “Oh yes, Rose Tyler, you are bloody brilliant. There are two ideas that might work right there!”

“Wait,” Jack called from across the table, “who’s the third telepath, if you aren’t counting the TARDIS?”

Rose gave him a sheepish grin as she turned towards him. “That would be me. Hello!” She gave him a little wave.

“Since when?!” 

“S’complicated. I think it kinda developed over time, along with some other stuff. Started at the Game Station, I think. The TARDIS helped me a bit, maybe she even . . . Oh!”

The two men jumped when she slapped a hand on the table, her eyes going wide. “That’s why the Doctor wouldn’t have realized we are here. The TARDIS could have been preventing him from feeling us and us from him, yeah?”

John looked off in the distance, rapidly thinking over her conclusion. “I think you might be right. If she thought that it wasn’t time yet, I wouldn’t put it past her.” He shot Rose a rueful look. “She always did like you. If she though you weren’t ready, then she’d definitely find a way to keep it from him.”

Jack held up his hand, and then pointed at Rose. “Wait, wait, back up here a minute. Are you telling me that you were changed at the Game Station, as well?” Surprise was on Jack’s face, but he didn’t look too shocked, all things considered.

Rose bit the side of her thumb. “M’not really sure what exactly happened, I can only remember parts of it. But I could hear the TARDIS a lot better after that. I think she was helping me with things. When I started travelin’ across the Void to find the Doctor, that’s when I found out about the fact that I heal much faster now.”

Jack looked from Rose, over to John. John shook his head slightly and answered Jack’s unspoken question. “No, she doesn’t feel anything like how you do. So whatever happened, it’s different.” John slid his arm around Rose, pulling her a bit closer and transferring his gaze to her. “It doesn’t seem to be hurting her, so, while I won’t insist on tests now, if something more happens, I will.” The worry in Rose’s eyes faded, and she nodded. 

“But Rose, keep in mind you can’t run from that forever; sooner or later we should run those tests.” When Jack snorted a laugh, John looked across the table at the other man. “What?”

“Doc, you can hardly talk about running away. You are the king of running away from things you don’t want to deal with.” Jack gave him a look, and John flushed a bit.

“Not anymore. Maybe it is the part of me that comes from Donna, but running away and ignoring things just seems stupid anymore . . . Ow!” 

Rose had swatted him, and he gave her a frustrated look. “Oi! I am not calling you stupid, just me.”

“Better not be,” Rose huffed at him.

“Well, I have to say you are handling this a bit better than the Doctor would,” Jack’s voice was dry. “He’d probably just haul Rose off for the infirmary for tests, regardless of what she thought.”

“Yet another reason why I didn’t want to say anything,” Rose grumbled.

“Look, there is one thing you should understand, Rose.” Relenting, she turned her face towards him. “He is utterly terrified of the idea of something happening to you. So much so if he finds a way to keep you safe and happy, he’s going to take it.”

“Like dumping me on a parallel world with you,” Rose’s voice held resignation in it.

“Yep, he was counting on the fact that I would want to keep you safe and that I would love you. I have to admit, I wasn’t going to argue about being left with you.” John gave her a cautious smile. 

Her lips twitched. “Well, not so bad, being stuck with you.”

Beaming a grin back at her, John replied, “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

Before they could get further distracted, Rose flicked a glance over to Jack, who was watching them with a bemused expression. “Anyways, we should focus on Donna; you said I gave you two ideas?”

“Oh, yes!” John beamed a smile, shifting a little so he could look back and forth between Rose and Jack. 

“First, you may be on to something about the meta-crisis factor. Since she got the Time Lord mind from me, there is a chance we could draw it back into me. That is not without a risk, so the second idea might be a bit better. Time Lords had something called the Matrix, in which all Time Lords could access to get information. Now if I can build something like that, we could try and draw it out of her, and into the Matrix.” 

John released her hand in order to pull over one of her notebooks. Flipping to an empty page, he started to sketch things out. Rose had to grin and reach up to ruffle his hair. He made a small happy sound at the back of his throat when she did that. 

“We will need to work on your telepathic abilities, Rose. That is something we should be doing, regardless. But if we want either of these ideas to work, it is a necessity to make sure you have practice, and we know what you are capable of.” 

Rose nodded, not tensing up this time. “Makes sense. I want to know what I’m capable of too.” 

Rose looked from John’s sketch over to Jack. “Thanks for coming and telling us about what happened.”

“Even though I interrupted you guys?” At the exasperated look she shot him, he just laughed. “Like I said, payback for the tension I had to put up with back when the two of you were in denial.”

Jack’s grin softened. “Anyways, I figured you guys should know, and it would be easier if I came here and told you in private. If you weren’t thinking about what might happen if your paths cross, you should be. Yesterday he was close, and I can’t help but feel that might be deliberate in a way.”

John looked up. “That is entirely possible. Either way, it is good that we know, and now I can work on a way to help Donna. It’s probably going to take the three of us and the TARDIS working together to fix it, but it is a relief to realize that it is possible to fix it.”

“Thank you, Jack,” Rose smiled at him. 

“Hey, whatever you guys need, let me know. Now I think I will leave you two to work on things. When you are done with that, don’t forget to work on how to fix Donna too.” 

Rose laughed, and John rolled his eyes at Jack’s impish grin. 

Getting up from the table, Jack picked up his mug. Taking it to the sink, he rinsed it out before putting it in the dishwasher. He moved back over to the table, and gave Rose a hug, which she gladly returned. “You two kids have fun. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye, Jack.” John looked up from his sketch and offered a smile. Jack gave him a brief salute before letting himself out. Silence descended for a moment, broken only by the sound of the pencil on the paper.

“You miss her.” Rose gently threaded her fingers through his hair. 

The pencil stopped, and John put it down on the paper as he sat back, leaning a little into her touch. “Yep, she’s my best friend. She stood up to me when I needed someone to and helped me really learn how to laugh again. It was like having a sister, but a human sister, not rubbish Time Lordy type one.”

“Just because I’m here doesn’t mean you don’t still need her, and that’s okay,” Rose’s voice softened as she continued the gentle motion. 

“Honestly, I’m more worried about other me. Sure, yeah, I need her some, but he needs her more. He needs someone, and I’m worried he’s going to try and retreat away from taking anyone because he’ll feel guilty.” John rubbed a hand over his face. “It’s odd, sometimes, thinking this way, but I can’t help but feel a little guilty.”

“Because you have me?” 

“Exactly that. I know you say I’m the one that offered you a choice and such, but still, I have you, and he doesn’t. And I’m not going to give you up. I don’t think I can.” He looked up to her, his smile a little sad.

“That implies I’m willing to be given up. I’m not some prize to be handed back and forth between you two. I get a choice here too, you know,” her voice had a trace of a bite to it, and her hand dropped to the back of his neck.

“Oh, I know, I know! In fact, I plan on making sure you want to stay with me,” he instantly assured her, his hand rubbing her back now.

“Oh, yeah,” Rose’s voice held a bit of challenge, “and just how were you planning on doing that?”

John grinned and got up, scooping her up in his arms to carry her. She laughed as he did so. “Well, Rose Tyler, I think I will take you upstairs so I can show you how much I appreciate having you with me, repeatedly. We can even get a telepathic lesson in, one that I am sure you will really enjoy.” He waggled his eyebrows, and swept her up the stairs, to do just that.


	7. Intensity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor has a personal problem, there's a party, and then a summons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter starts with a bit of fluff, and then rockets into a bit of intensity. One of the longer chapters I've ever written, it is the beginning to some of the scenes that have been in my head since the beginning of the story. Thank you to Elensari for the encouragement and a huge thank you to Veritascara my beta and Grammar goddess.

Jack was sitting at his desk in the hub when his mobile rang. Without looking at the display, he picked it up to answer, “Harkness.”

 _“Jack,”_ John’s voice hissed on the phone. _“How do human blokes manage these, these, unreasonable bodies?!”_

Kicking back in his chair, an amused smile bloomed across the captain’s face. “Why Doc, are you having some sort of problem over there?”

_“Yes! I do not understand how you manage with this rubbish endocrine system that you have no control over. How do you turn it off?!”_

Oh, Jack was going to enjoy this. After putting up with the Doctor’s comments on superior biology, it was more then a bit amusing now that the shoe was on the other foot. John’s hushed, somewhat frantic whisper amused the former Time Agent to no end. “Doc, are you having some sort of personal problem?”

A colorful burst of swearing in multiple languages was the answer he got back.

“I’m going to take that as a yes.” The humorous tone never left Jack’s voice. He could drag it out, but he decided to take a small amount of pity on the other man. “Okay, the key thing is to start thinking about something that should have the opposite effect on you. Some people like to think about boring details or someone they are really not attracted to. Cold shower is the best, but from the fact you are whispering, I’m betting that’s not an option at the moment.”

_“No, it’s not!”_

“Just relax, Doc; I think I have the perfect solution for you.” The expression on Jack’s face turned smug. 

_“Well, what is it?”_

“Jackie Tyler.”

_“Jack, how the bloody hell is Jackie Tyler supposed to help me with **this**?”_

“Think about her for a moment, and then tell me if your personal problem has gone away.” Amused, Jack sat back and waited, while silence filled the line. Finally, it was broken by John’s voice.

_“If you tell **anyone** about this, Jack, so help me . . . ”_

“You’re welcome, Doc.” Jack just grinned, thoroughly enjoying this moment. “Feel free to call me anytime you need help adjusting. Do you need any other advice for _personal_ matters?”

_“No! . . . Maybe later—just promise me you won’t tell anyone.”_

“Would I do that to you?” Jack’s voice oozed innocence.

 _“Yes.”_ John’s voice was rather flat and dark.

“You wound me, Doc.” With a chuckle, Jack let the teasing tone fade a bit. “But seriously, anytime, just give me a call. I can imagine making adjustments is not always easy.”

_“Thank you, Jack. There’s Rose; I gotta go!”_

Jack laughed to himself as Rose’s voice sounded in the background and the line disconnected. One thing about having the Doctor around in any form, life never stayed dull.

~~~~~~~

Rose found that her mental lessons with her human Doctor had both an upside and a downside. The obvious upside was that it brought them closer together. Memories, thoughts, and feelings were constantly shared between them. When one was upset, the other knew about it fairly quickly, which was both good and bad. It also made it very difficult for either of them to surprise each other.

When she questioned John about it, he admitted this was not the way most telepaths were taught. It took a different form for them because of the fact that they loved each other; though, he couldn’t quite keep from blushing a bit as he explained it. He was, however, diligent and careful to thoroughly teach her everything he could think of.

Sometimes, she caught him just staring at her. He’d have this little look of awe on his face. Rose asked him about it once, and he blushed as he explained he just couldn’t believe how lucky he was. She was with him, they were _together_ , and she filled the empty place in his mind.

Usually, when he said something like that, she felt a flicker of guilt that she carefully hid behind newly-erected walls. The full-blooded Time Lord was still out there, still alone in his mind. The more she shared with her human Doctor, the more she realized how empty and alone that must feel to him. However, there was nothing she could do about that yet. He had made his choices.

For now, she could just concentrate on their daily lives—like the party they were having at their house; the neighbors were invited, as well as their friends from Torchwood. John was in the backyard grilling, with Jack and Mickey attempting to help him—or perhaps, egg him on; she wasn’t sure yet. What she did get was the small wounding of his male pride at the first offerings off the grill being something less than edible. 

_~ Do you need me to bring anything out there, love? ~_

She tried to send soothing emotions to his somewhat ruffled feelings.

_~ No, no, I have everything under control. Jack gives rubbish advice. ~_

The shading around John’s words roused Rose’s curiosity. There was something else on his mind besides just the grilling. 

_~ What kind of advice is he giving you? ~_

_~ Nothing! ~_ Rose was amused by the way his mental voice got high pitched. _~ Actually, could you bring out a couple of beers or send someone out with some? Thirsty work, this grilling. Yep, just talking about grilling. ~_

With a small shake of her head, Rose let a wave of amusement color her thoughts. _~ Grilling, right. I’ll send some beer out for you to enjoy. ~_

_~ Thanks, love. Appreciate it! ~_

Smiling, Rose pulled one of the prepared dishes out of the refrigerator, setting it on the table and pulling the top off it. The table and counters were being set up potluck-style so everyone could fill a plate and find a place to settle and eat in the house or back garden. “Martha?”

Her dark skinned friend looked up with a smile. 

“Could you please take some beers out to the boys and check on their progress. We want to make sure they aren’t going to burn the house down, and if I go out there they’ll think I’m hovering.”

With a laugh, Martha moved to grab up a couple of beers. “Sounds about right. I’ll go keep an eye on them for you.”

“I could go check on the grilling for you, lass. Make sure that we end up with something edible out there.” Rose looked over to their neighbor Kyle and shook her head.

“I think if I sent another guy out there, John would feel his manhood was being insulted. Besides, we do have plenty of other food, so regardless of what they do, we’ll be just fine.”

MaritaBeth, Kyle’s wife, laughed as she helped Rose with the table. “You are probably right. I’ve found when you add too much testosterone to the mix, it rarely fixes anything. They just get more competitive.”

”Oh, I have just the thing for that,” Polly, one of their other neighbors, piped up. “I have this nice snack I made with plants from my garden. It will relax him nicely, would you like me to get it, dear?”

“No, thank you, Polly. That’s quite kind of you, but we’ll save that for later,” Rose was quick to answer as she gave the older woman a smile.

“If you think that is best, dear. Oh, I should make sure Nathan has one now, otherwise he’ll ruin his mood for the whole party!” She deftly grabbed the bowl full of lumpy looking biscuits and hustled over towards her husband.

When she was out of earshot, Rose leaned over towards Gwen and Ianto. “Be very careful about eating anything of Polly’s. Last time John had some he ended up giggling for two hours straight; I couldn’t get him to stop!”

Gwen grinned, watching as Rhys, who was talking to Nathan, peered into the bowl. “I’m not sure if I should warn him or not. Might make things even for the last time he played a prank on me.”

“Rose, don’t those have other side effects as well—some more interesting ones? At least, that’s what Jack said.” The Welshman started to flush a little, and Gwen’s eyebrows rose as Rose snickered.

“Well, there is that. You don’t want him to have too many, though, and you better be prepared to do the driving, Gwen.”

“Maybe I’ll let him have just one.” The trio burst into laughter, and then Gwen moved over to rescue her husband.

Rose moved back towards the kitchen cabinets, Ianto following and lending a hand as she got things out.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” Ianto replied.

Looking around at her chatting friends, Rose had to smile. “This is nice.”

He looked over to her. “The party, you mean?”

“Yep!” Rose grinned. “It is that, plus having all these friends and just having a life again.”

Ianto shot her a puzzled look, and when Rose caught it, she gave him a wry smile. “After the Doctor and I were separated, I didn’t really have much of a life. I just kinda threw myself into work. I made some friends, yeah, but I never just relaxed like this. I was too focused on what I was doing. Plus being a little bit different, having seen the things I had, made it hard to fit in anywhere.”

Giving a slow nod, Ianto continued to help her. “Jack tells us to try and make sure we have a life, Gwen especially. The rest of us might be a lost cause, but Gwen has Rhys. The job will consume your life, if you let it.”

“An’ you have Jack.” At his flush, Rose gave him a grin, the tip of her tongue sticking out. “Don’t think I don’t know about the two of you. Jack really cares about you, you know.”

That seemed to make Ianto fluster a bit. “I’ve never been with anyone like him before.”

“Yeah, well, Jack’s rather special. Did he ever tell you about how we met?”

When he shook his head, Rose grinned. “Well, s’long story, but I was hanging off a barrage balloon in the middle of the Blitz with the Union Jack plastered across my chest. Jack caught me in some sort of tractor beam when I fell.”

Ianto’s eyes widened slightly. “He met you in the middle of the Blitz?”

“Yep. Of course, this was back when the Doctor wore a leather jacket and had big ears.”

Rose grinned at Ianto’s very confused look. “Like I said, long story. I’ll have to sit down and explain it all to you one day.”

“I think I’d like that.”

Opening her mouth to reply, Rose suddenly felt a wave of dizziness pass over her. Suddenly, Ianto’s hand was under her elbow, steadying her. “Are you alright?”

She heard his concerned question as she shook her head to clear it. She started to frame a reply, but another wave passed over her. This time she got a quick flash of the TARDIS’s center console. Not their baby TARDIS in the basement, but the full grown one with the full-blooded Time Lord.

 _~ Rose, are you alright? ~_ Her human Doctor’s mental voice was anxious.

_~ I think so—got dizzy for a moment. What was that? ~_

There was a pause before he answered. _~ I’m not sure. Something feels off. ~_

“Rose, are you alright, dear? You are awfully pale,” Polly’s voice was concerned.

Before Rose could answer, another flood of images flashed through her mind, too fast for her to really see. A golden song sang behind it, expressing concern and fear. In front of her, Ianto and Polly exchanged a glance, moving slightly to shield the rest of the party from seeing Rose’s face. While she had been receiving the images, her eyes had flushed with a golden light that slowly faded.

“Rose dear, I think you maybe need to go lay down for a bit?” Polly patted her hand.

“No, I need to go downstairs to the basement.” Straightening up with only a slight waver, Rose’s voice was calm and insistent. “Can you two cover for me for a bit?”

“Of course, we can. Ianto will just help you down those stairs. No need to fall!” Polly puffed up a bit, trying to manage Rose, which made the blonde smile.

 _~ Rose? ~_ There was a bit of panic to John’s mental tone.

 _~ I’m fine, I think this has something to do with the TARDIS. I’m going downstairs to check. ~_ She tried to send waves of soothing calm to him.

 _~ Jack’s taking over the grill. I’ll meet you down there. ~_ His tone was now firm.

She wanted to protest and then realized that wouldn’t stop him, so she simply sent back mental assent. Polly cheerfully chatted and moved around, covering for her as Ianto walked with her to the stairs. They started down, and soon the clattering of feet told them that John was coming. He was in one of her new favorite looks on him: jeans, trainers, a t-shirt, and his blue suit jacket. A faint scent of smoke from the grill clung to him, and his hair was as wild as ever. 

Giving Ianto a smile, she gently nudged him. “Go ahead and go back up. The Doctor and I have this.” She gave him a little grin when he hesitated. “Plus, I need you to make sure Polly doesn’t try to make sure everyone eats her snacks.”

This made the Welshman pause; he gave a bit of a nod and turned to head back up the stairs. John gave him an absent minded nod as he passed by.

Rose settled cross-legged on the floor next to their growing TARDIS coral and John settled opposite her. They exchanged a smile, something wordlessly being passed between them. Then as one, they reached and placed their hands onto the coral, closing their eyes.

Motes of gold dust seemed to emanate from the coral, twining around their arms as a bevy of impressions and images flashed through their minds. They saw the full-blooded Doctor in an orange space suit on a red planet. There was some sort of base in the distance. Golden lines seemed to swirl and knot around the place. They should be slowly hardening, but something seemed to be distorting them.

The next flash was inside the base, the Doctor rushing about with humans, and water that just seemed off. They were being pursued by creatures that looked human, but their faces were just wrong—cracked around the mouths, the eyes off, and water everywhere. A giant wave of distortion wracked their senses, making both of then nauseous. Panting, they both pulled their hands away, eyes flashing open as they stared at each other.

Then a strange slightly stilted voice came from next to them, “His song is warping. You must go.”

They both turned as one to see a slightly translucent image of an Ood standing to the side. Its basic shape was humanoid, and it was dressed in a simple long-sleeved top and loose trousers. Where a human’s mouth would be, a mass of long, thin, curling, reddish, almost-tentacle looking like appendages descended. From it, a thin tube connected to a white ball that lit up when it spoke. Its oddly shaped head was pale with two slanted eyes.

Rose scooted away for a moment, a spike of fear lancing through her. The last time she had seen one of this race, they had been possessed by the Beast. John shook his head, sending a reassuring wave of emotion at her. “It’s alright. This is a friend, I think.” He studied the Ood in front of him. “Ood Sigma, what did you mean by that?”

The Ood’s voice and face was without inflection, he simply regarded them calmly. “Pain and loss have made the Doctor’s song dark. He will warp the fabric of Time if he is not stopped. The Wolf and the Other Doctor are needed to mend his song. You must go and rescue him from himself.”

John licked his lips and glanced over to Rose. What he saw made him look again, eyes widening. A rising tide of gold shimmered in her eyes. Through his connection with her, he could hear the song of the fully-grown TARDIS. It was singing _through Rose_. 

“The last time I saw you, you said my, his, song was ending. Is that what is happening?” John managed to stay calm, despite the anxiety growing within him.

“Some songs can be changed. Some songs should not be changed. You should know this best of all,” came the calm reply from Ood Sigma.

“Time can be rewritten . . . ” John’s voice trailed off.

Ood Sigma’s ball flashed on as he spoke, “Precisely. You must hurry. All may be lost if his song warps.” 

“Right, and warping is a very bad thing. It’s a suitcase, two hatboxes, and a long train ride full of bad. So, we’ll rescue him from whatever he’s doing and take him where?” John’s gaze moved from Ood Sigma back to Rose.

He could see Rose tense slightly and then forcibly relax, as she thought over what he said. “We bring him back here.” When John started to protest, she continued with determination, “Can you think of any better options? If he needs fixing, I think we can convince the TARDIS to stay put here until he’s better—or at least until we fix Donna and she can watch over him.”

“He might try to just fly off,” John pointed out. “He’s smart enough to get past anything we do.”

“Would he, though?” Rose countered. “He’s alone, and you are,” she paused, groping for words, “a brother of sorts. Would he just fly away from that? You could think of anything he might do and try to counter it.”

“He might fly away from me. I don’t think he could fly away from you, though. Not unless you went with him,” John admitted grudgingly.

Rose gave him a small smile; she could feel the anxiety flowing from him. “M’not going anywhere without you. If he’s going to be here, it’s better that he has his own space and the TARDIS, yeah?”

John studied her a bit longer, and then a determined look hardened on his features. “Right, we get him, bring him and the TARDIS here, make sure they stay here, and do our best to help.” He turned to face Ood Sigma, but the image had already faded away. 

The gold in Rose’s eyes started to fade as well, only a faint glimmer of it remained as she looked at him. “We can borrow Jack’s manipulator so we both have one, yeah? We can just time the jump back here for after the party is over. I hate to dump it on anyone, but Jack can help with the party and wait for us to get back.”

“Time travel. We could wait until the party is over,” John pointed out.

Rose shook her head, gasping as another wave of nausea traveled through her. “No, I really don’t think we can. I think we need to go now.” The golden light in her eyes flashed once. 

Immediately, John scooted forward, concern written over his features. “Rose! Are you okay?”

“No, m’not, but I think it has to do with whatever your brother is trying to do. We stop him, and I’ll feel better.”

John’s jaw clenched, a dark look lurking in his eyes. “Right, well, you wait here; I’ll grab the Vortex Manipulator and talk to Jack.”

She started to protest and then just nodded her head. “Right, I think I can get us the right coordinates to lock on to.”

Getting up, John turned and swiftly made his way up the stairs. It didn’t take long for him to grab Rose’s Vortex Manipulator, and then head for Jack. However, his rush did not go unnoticed. 

“John, what’s wrong?” MaritaBeth voiced her concern as she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

Opening his mouth, his mind raced to figure out the best explanation that wouldn’t sound too crazy. After a long moment, his mind seized on Rose’s choice of words, after all, he needed something to tell his neighbors about their soon-to-be-guest. “I have a brother—twin actually—we look pretty identical. Anyways, he, and by he I mean my brother, is having a bit of a problem. Rose and I need to go get him.”

“O’course, you should go right away. Family’s important. You nae need t’worry about things here. We’ll all set things to rights for yea.” Her Scottish accent colored her words as much as her kind tones. She gave his arm a pat and released it.

“Thanks, MaritaBeth, I am going to ask Jack to stick around. He knows my brother.”

“Something’s wrong with the Doctor?” Martha’s concerned voice cut into their conversation. Other conversations quieted as they turned towards him.

“Yes, Rose and I will sort it and bring him back here. Actually, Martha, if you don’t mind staying behind as well. We’ll be a couple of hours, so no rush on everyone leaving. Please enjoy yourselves.” John was tense, but he tried to keep himself calm and refrain from just pulling away in a mad dash.

MaritaBeth’s eyebrows knit in a bit of confusion. “You and your brother are both referred to as the Doctor?”

“Oh, yes, and my brother just wants to be called the Doctor, though I use John or Doc to prevent confusion. Thank you both, but I really should get going.” He pulled away, looking for Jack, who he found by the grill with Mickey. They were pulling the rest of what they cooked on platters. He didn’t want to admit it, but it looked far better than what he had managed.

“Jack, I need your Vortex Manipulator. Do you have it with you?”

His face reflected surprise, but he nodded, moving to push up his sleeve and pull it off. “Yeah, Doc, but what’s up? Is yours and Rose’s not working? Why would you want to take off in the middle of your own party?”

Taking a quick look around to make sure no one was close, John kept his voice low, looking between Jack and Mickey. “Rose and I just got a warning. Something’s wrong with the other Doctor. We need to find him, fix whatever is going on, and bring him back here. I was going to ask you to stay behind; we’re going to time our arrival for a couple of hours from now. Enough time for everyone to finish up and head home.”

The two Torchwood agents exchanged a glance, and it was Mickey that voiced the question, “You sure bringing him back here is the best idea, boss?”

Giving them a grim little smile, John shook his head. “No I’m not, but it’s what Rose wants, and honestly the best way to keep him from going off somewhere and possibly causing more damage.”

“Wait, causing damage? Do you think he’s dangerous?” This wasn’t Jack his friend that asked; this was Jack, Torchwood leader and a defender of the planet in his own right. His expression was intent, concern overlaid with responsibility.

“Whatever he’s doing is bad. Rose can feel it, and so can I now. We just got a warning about him. I think with Rose here, though, he won’t risk hurting her, and he wouldn’t leave. I asked Martha to stay behind, as well, so if the three of you want to wait here, you are welcome to.” He glanced around, his tension growing with the strength of wrongness that was beginning to swamp his senses. John had first felt it through Rose. Now he was feeling it on his own. 

Jack gave a short nod, and having worked off the Vortex Manipulator, handed it over. “Do you want one of us to go with you?”

Shaking his head, John took the device. “No, it’s going to be enough of a surprise when Rose and I show up. That should be enough for us to get him back here. I don’t want to take too many and risk complications.”

“Go on then; we’ll be here when you get back.” Jack jerked his head in the direction of the door. John gave him a quick nod and dashed back into the House, down into the basement to collect Rose.

Rose had both hands on the young TARDIS coral, eyes shut. When she sensed his presence, she lifted her hands and pulled back. He could see her blinking back the gold light that overflowed in her eyes. Concern flashed through him again, but he forced himself to focus. First, get the Doctor and fix whatever was wrong. Second, get him and the TARDIS back here and grounded. Third, with the TARDIS here, talk Rose into letting him run more tests to see just what was going on.

She reached towards him, and he passed over her Vortex Manipulator as he pulled out his sonic, fixing Jack’s for his use. “I’ve got coordinates, and I think he’s trying to change a fixed point.”

John froze at her words, closing his eyes briefly to assess what his senses told him. When he opened them again, he worked swiftly to fix the Manipulator in his hands. Anger bit into his words, “I think you are right, and he knows better. What could possibly be going through his head for him to think that would be a good idea?”

Casting a worried glance his way, Rose set the manipulator on her wrist and then moved to his side. When he fastened Jack’s device to his own wrist, she punched in the coordinates on it. “That’s what worries me: what could drive him to that? He has to be hurting badly.”

“That’s no excuse. He knows better. He knows what’s at risk,” John bit out.

Finished setting the coordinates in, she slid her hand down his wrist to link their fingers together. “He’s hurting. He’s got to be, and we’ll fix whatever it is that’s wrong. I put two coordinates in. One for where we are going first, and the second to the TARDIS so you can fly her back here. I can bring the Doctor back with me.”

When he opened his mouth to protest, she shook her head. “You need to make sure he can’t just take off again. It’s better if we separate them for the trip here. I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave her there alone. I can’t fly the TARDIS yet, but you can.”

He studied her face, closing his mouth. The muscle in his jaw twitched as a grim expression settled on his face. “Alright, we’ll do it your way, but if he hurts you,” his voice warned.

“He won’t. You wouldn’t, so he won’t. I believe in that.” Rose was full of calm certainty, and she wasn’t afraid to let that flow between them.

It was clear John wasn’t happy about it, but he simply gave a short nod, keeping their fingers twined together. Taking a breath, he reached for the Vortex Manipulator on his wrist. Rose gave him a brave smile and reached for her own. Together they pressed the controls and vanished in a flash of light.

Chaos seemed to swirl around them as they landed in an enclosed space. They both rocked a little on their feet, but stayed upright as they adjusted to the shock. There were a handful of scared people in the room, apparently in the middle of some sort of crisis. They were so wrapped up in what was going on, they didn’t seem to notice the sudden arrival of two people in their midst, neither of which were offering any threat. The Doctor had his back to them, dressed in the orange space suit. He was facing an older human woman with pale hair and eyes.

John’s time sense crawled with the very wrongness of what was going on here—not just the noise or the emotion, but the feeling of time being warped and stretched beyond what it was supposed to be. His and Rose’s attention was caught by what the older woman was saying to the Time Lord, and his response.

“But you said we die. For the future, for the human race,” she almost defiantly told him.

“Yes, because there are laws. There are Laws of Time. Once upon a time there were people in charge of those laws, but they died. They all died. Do you know who that leaves? Me! It's taken me all these years to realize the Laws of Time are mine, and they will obey me!” His voice was dark, angry, and full of bitter triumph. It was the tone of voice that brought Rose back to a bunker in Utah, to an angry Doctor facing down a Dalek. 

Sparks flew and alarms blared as John’s angry voice cut in, “That’s not how it works, _brother_. You have a greater responsibility to the rest of the universe and Time itself. How dare you forget that!”

The Doctor whipped around, shock turning his face pale and his eyes wide. “What, what?!” He sputtered, “but you’re, how can you . . . what?!”

Rose gave her human Doctor’s fingers one last squeeze before dropping his hand. They moved forward to bracket the gaping Doctor, as he stared dumbfounded at them. He was mostly focused on Rose, his mouth working but nothing coming out. She looked over at John’s dark expression, her face and voice serene. “You get the TARDIS. I have him.”

He gave her a nod, and Rose transferred her gaze to the older woman, who looked determinedly calm. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but we can’t take you with us.”

The older woman shook her head. “Don’t be. Just take him out of here and make sure he can’t do this again. I’m glad someone can stop him, because he needs to be stopped.” She transferred her gaze to the Doctor, who seemed to be having trouble breathing. “Looks like you are not the last, Time Lord.”

The older woman then turned her back, moving over to one of the monitors. Calmly she pressed buttons; then a warning lit up on the screen. The computer’s voice dispassionately informed them that it was implementing Captain’s protocol. A woman’s voice gasped in the background, “Oh my God, Action Five.”

“You had better go now.” The older woman faced them again. “Just take him and go.” Behind her, the computer informed them that the nuclear device was active and primed, beginning a countdown from 100.

Rose looked over to John. “See you at home.” He gave her a tight-lipped smile and activated his manipulator, disappearing in a flash of light. 

The chaos around them seemed somehow detached, as she encircled the still-shocked Doctor’s waist with one arm. “Hold on to me.” 

His arms came up automatically to take hold of her, and then he seemed to break out of it slightly. “Rose, wait. We can still save them . . . ”

A disappointed look flashed on her face, and she gripped him tightly to her, both disappearing in another flash of light—the base destroyed in a massive explosion only a few moments later.


	8. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin, plus angst with a side order of angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just hang on to your hats for this one, emotions are intense as we deal with Doctor's wake up call. Big thanks to Elensari for helping me with previews and encouragement, and of course to my grammar goddess and beta, veritascara.

Back at Rose and John’s home, night had fallen. Lights were still on in the house, but only a trio remained. Jack, Mickey, and Martha were settled in the living room talking. Their laughter floated in the air, and the home itself had a warm feeling. The night was peaceful, at least until a flash of light in the back garden deposited two people there. 

Rose, used to travel via Vortex Manipulator, was only slightly rocked by the landing. The Doctor, used to travel via TARDIS, was racked with a round of nausea and nearly fell over. Only Rose’s grip on his waist kept him upright. His hands dropped to her arms as he took gulps of air in, steadying himself. She took advantage of his momentary disorientation. “Doctor, how could you? That was a fixed point!”

His eyes focused on her, boring into her. It was her; it was really her, and she was here. The Doctor’s emotions were like a wild pinball inside him, unable to stay in any one spot, ricocheting all over. He felt complete and utter joy that she was there, absolute terror as to what it meant, and raw anger that she dared to interfere with his actions. There was something there, buzzing at the edges of his mind, but he couldn’t focus on it. When he took a deep breath, he caught the scent of the meta-crisis on her, and raging jealousy boiled to the surface. 

He abruptly released her arms and stepped back, and she let him. “How could I? There were people dying, and I could have saved them. You could have brought one of them back with us!” Confused, he verbally lashed out.

“No, not that small of a group; any one of them living could have had profound impact on the timelines. That event was important. Even I could feel it.” Undeterred, Rose stood up to him, eyes flashing.

“Feel it? How could you feel it? You are just a simple human. I’m the Time Lord. I’m the one that knows what can and cannot be done with the timelines. You had no right to interfere!” Anxiety, fear, confusion—it was all rising within him. He continued to verbally lash out, desperate to keep it together. “What are you even doing here? I put you in Pete’s World, where you and the meta-crisis belong. How dare you risk everything to come back to this universe! What right do you have to lecture me?!”

Rose could feel his wild emotions and his attempt to deny them. It made her both sad and angry with him. Pity wouldn’t do him or her any good right now. She focused on keeping his emotions from battering her walls down. She knew he needed someone to pull his head out of his arse. “You idiotic, arrogant tosser. You don’t know the first thing about how or why we’re here!”

Faintly, Rose sensed John landing the TARDIS in their basement. She could also tell their friends had entered the garden, attracted by the sound of raised voices. Mostly, she was focused on the Doctor and her anger. Her anger wasn’t enough, though, to completely mask her pain, and golden tears shimmered at the edges of her eyes. “Almighty Time Lord, you. Then why could I see what you refused to? Simple human, am I? Then why did the TARDIS reach out to me to show me what was wrong? Are you so blind that you can’t see what you would have done?”

A rising tide of gold sang at the back of her head. With the TARDIS’ help, she latched on to the timeline that might have been if they hadn’t interfered. She advanced on the startled Time Lord, who took a step back. “Rose, what are you doing?”

Ignoring him, she reached for his wrist; grabbing hold. Her eyes flickered golden as she mentally flung the possibility at him. If he was human, she would have needed a stronger link, but he wasn’t. This was the Doctor, the full Time Lord and touch telepath. And after all the time she’d spent steadily working telepathically with her human Doctor, the differences between their inner selves were slight, allowing her to easily slip into a light link with him. The full account of what might have happened hit him hard. 

He gasped, staggering back, and she released his wrist. With unseeing eyes, he reeled as the potential words of Adelaide and himself rang in his head. 

_“Little people? What, like Mia and Yuri? Who decides they're so unimportant, you?”_

_“For a long time now, I thought I was just a survivor, but I'm not. I'm the winner. That's who I am, The Time Lord Victorious.”_

_“And there's no one to stop you.”_

_“No.”_

_“This is wrong, Doctor. I don't care who you are. The Time Lord Victorious is wrong.”_

_“That's for me to decide. Now, you'd better get home. Oh, it's all locked up. You've been away. Still, that's easy.”_

The scene continued to unfold in his head, his eyes growing somehow wider, and his emotions starting a tailspin into despair. 

_They stood by the TARDIS in the falling snow, in the street outside her home. He pointed his sonic screwdriver at the front door, and it opened._

_“All yours.”_

_“Is there nothing you can't do?”_

_“Not anymore.”_

In the back garden, the Doctor trembled slightly, the vision refusing to stop, even as he started to grasp what he almost did. 

_Adelaide went inside, and the Doctor turned back toward the TARDIS. He missed seeing her draw her gun, closing the door. Then a shot rang out, and an energy blast lit up the window. The Doctor turned around, and in his head he saw a flash of the history record, her place of death changed from Mars to suicide on Earth._

The Doctor’s voice from this possible outcome sounded in his head. _“I've gone too far.”_ It overlapped with his own verbal response in the garden. “I would have gone too far. What did I almost do?” Head in his hands, he crumpled the rest of the way to the ground, falling to his knees, still in the orange suit. 

The back door burst open, John taking a few running steps outside. He looked between the two of them and pushed past Jack, Mickey, and Martha to head to Rose’s side. Worry creased his brow, and he gently took her hand. “Rose, love, let it go now. Just relax.” 

Eyes still shimmering with gold, she turned to focus on John. Fearlessly, he met her gaze; his held love and concern for her within. She closed her eyes and then sagged against him. He caught her, letting her lean into him. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he looked over towards the shocked Time Lord. 

His gaze flickered back to Rose. “You okay?”

This time when she opened her eyes, they were clear—back to her normal, dark honey color. “Yeah. Little tired, but I’m okay.”

Looking back and forth between the Doctor, John, and Rose, Martha and Jack started to move. Martha slowly shifted towards the Doctor’s side as Jack walked towards John and Rose. Mickey stood back, keeping a careful watch. 

Martha crouched down and put a hand on the Doctor’s arm, her voice and touch gentle. “Doctor?” When he didn’t respond, she asked again, “Doctor, are you alright?”

“I’m always alright.” The response was faint, his voice hoarse. 

Rose’s laugh rang out, slightly bitter, “No you aren’t. You were alone, and you are complete rubbish on your own.”

The Doctor pulled his hands out of his hair, arms lowering as he looked up at her. He saw her leaning against the meta-crisis, his clone’s arm around her, holding her close. A flash of jealousy swamped him, causing him to clench his hands into white knuckled fists. 

Then Rose flinched, and it was like a wall suddenly slammed up between them. He gaped as he finally realized that _he could mentally feel Rose and the meta-crisis_ buzzing there at the back of his head. “What?” His voice was weak, his hands unclenching. 

“You heard me.” Rose’s response was softer, and he shook his head.

“No, I mean yes, I heard you, but no, that’s not what I was saying what about. Rose, what’s happened to you? How are you here? Why are you here? You shouldn’t be here. You should be back in Pete’s World—the both of you—happy with your family.” 

His voice became higher pitched in agitation, but he got a hold of himself when he saw Rose flinching back and Martha’s opaque expression. He took a couple of deep breaths and forced himself to calm. “Please, I don’t understand what’s going on, or why I can feel you here.” He reached up and tapped two fingers to his temple.

Rose and John exchanged a glance, before John looked over to the full-blooded Time Lord. “There was something you forgot to do, Doctor, when you were so busy making decisions for the rest of us. You forgot to ask us what we wanted. No, what we needed.” 

“You knew what I would want. You have my memories; you think like I do, feel like I do. You want Rose to be happy as badly as I do. You knew what I would do.” The Doctor shot back at his double, his tone becoming defensive. 

“Once you started pushing Rose towards me? Yeah, I guessed. But you still missed something very important.” There was a steely undertone to John’s voice. Rose looked to John and then started to pull away a little, keeping her hand twined with his. The Doctor watched as she inched towards him, John following behind her. 

“What? What did I miss?” The Doctor tried to stay calm, as anxiety began clawing inside of him.

Rose got just within arms’ distance and crouched down. John’s hand slid from her grasp, up her arm, to come to rest upon her shoulder. “Doctor, that world was never supposed to have a Rose Tyler in it. Mum and Mickey were fine; they were just filling in for their alternative selves. But me, I was never supposed to have a life there.” She watched his eyes study hers as she continued. “If I had stayed, it would have tried to erase me. It already felt so wrong to be there. I couldn’t have survived much longer.”

His gaze grew horrified, and it flicked up to John’s impassive face and then over to Mickey, who gave a small nod. “What, but . . . why didn’t you tell me?”

“When was I supposed to do that?” Rose’s expression was wry, sorrow lurking in her eyes. “When we were busy saving everyone from the Daleks? When you were telling me the cost of saving the universe was your other self, and I needed to make him better? I had thought when I found you, I’d be staying with you, and I would have plenty of time. But you didn’t give me that, and I didn’t want you to take me with you only because I couldn’t survive there. I wanted you to take me with you because you wanted me with you.”

“Rose, I always wanted you with me. I just wanted you to be happy, to have a chance at a normal life. I wanted to have something, someone that I touched, that I lo-,” he cut off his reply, looking away. “I wanted to know you were happy--to have a life I couldn’t have.”

She straightened up, and leaned back into his meta-crisis. His arm went around her to support her. The Doctor tensed, his hands clenching into white-knuckled fists once more. 

“That’s the thing, Doctor.” He tried to focus on her face as she spoke to him. “In that sentence, all that you talked about was what you wanted.” Her voice was quiet, so quiet he could hear the beat of his own hearts thudding. “You didn’t stop to ask me what I needed or wanted. Instead, you tried to decide for me. I was lucky enough to be ready to come back on my own without you, before the walls closed. John is here, not because I brought him here, but because I offered him a choice, and he chose to follow me.”

The Doctor’s hand started to tremble slightly. Martha reached out, and gently wrapped her own hands around one of his. She watched the face of her friend, his tension clear for all to read.

Rose, for her part, kept her gaze steady on the Doctor’s eyes, and he couldn’t bear to look away. “But right now, this isn’t about me or anything I am dealing with. We are all here now because you thought you knew what was best, for everyone. M’sorry Doctor, but you don’t always know what’s best. Yeah, you are a genius and know so much. But you don’t know everything. It’s well past time you learned that you can’t always decide for everyone.”

Conflicting emotions swamped him, and he struggled to keep them under control. He didn’t dare unclench the hand Martha was holding, he was too afraid if he gripped hers, he’d crush it. “How did you know where and when I was? Or even what I was doing?” The Doctor managed to keep his voice level.

“Ood Sigma came to us,” John responded. “He said your song was dark and you were in danger of warping Time, that you needed us, both of us, to help heal your song.” He gave a casual shrug, which was contrasted by the tension in his gaze and how he was holding himself. “Besides, I might not be a full Time Lord, but I’m still the Doctor, and I can still tell when someone is trying to change a fixed point.” His voice grew stern. “Just what did you think you were doing?”

The Doctor’s anger came roaring back, and he surged to his feet, Martha standing up as well. “Just who do you think you are to lecture me?”

John’s eyes flashed, and he stepped forward, edging in front of Rose. “I am you, or don’t you remember your own words? The difference between you and me is that I have a bit of Donna in me. Just enough to give me one heart, one life, and apparently enough to keep me from going bonkers like you.”

“Not enough to give you sense to keep out of things that don’t concern you!” The Doctor snapped back.

“Oi! You trying to change a fixed point does concern me. When you are warping Time, it bloody well does concern me. It’s just like Rose asked us in Utah. You do remember Utah don’t you? ‘What the hell are you turning into?’” John stood his ground, his anger a match for the full-blooded Time Lord.

Mickey interrupted them, anger in his eyes and voice. “Both of you, knock it off. Now you could beat each other bloody for all that I care, but look what you are doing to Rose!” 

They paled and whirled towards Rose in unison. She had backed up, Jack was hovering at her side but he had his hands pulled away, as if she had shaken him off. She curved forward in a protective posture. Her hands were on either side of her head, as if she was trying to ward off noise, with an expression of pain contorting her face. “Rose,” they breathed as one.

She took a step backwards from them, her voice cracking. “You are both so angry—with each other, with yourselves. I can feel it, tearing at me from both sides. I can’t shut it out. It’s like fire and ice, burning and slicing. There is so much hate. Why do you hate yourselves?”

“When did . . . how did . . . what?” The Time Lord sputtered, his voice hoarse as he stared at Rose.

The human Doctor straightened up, taking a deep breath and relaxing his body, temporarily ignoring the full Time Lord. He deliberately calmed himself and made his own mental walls thicker. “Rose, love, find your center and wall everything else out. Wall me out, him out, everything if you have to. You can do it, I know you can.” Rose nodded, Jack offering her gentle encouragement as she concentrated.

John turned towards the Doctor, outwardly calm. “We can’t do this. Rose is still learning and especially vulnerable to me, and to an extent, probably you as well. So if we get angry at each other, if we fight, she’ll get caught in the middle.”

“But . . . how?” The Doctor stopped himself, taking a deep breath and a step backwards. There was an almost-audible click as he locked down his control over his emotions. “Bad Wolf. It has to be. Rose’s the one that found me, isn’t she?”

Watching his face, Martha reached out again, touching his arm. “I think we all need a break. How about you get out of this suit, Doctor, and we meet up in the kitchen for some tea?” She looked back and forth between them. “We have some leftovers from the party. I bet you are hungry, John. Rose too. It would be good to get some food inside you.”

“You are quite right, Martha Jones. Orange is definitely not my color.” In a typical dramatic change of mood, the Doctor tugged at the sleeve of his suit. “Although, I really don’t think this shade of orange is anyone’s color.” He gave it sniff, before letting his face light up. “And nibbles, I love nibbles. I’ll just pop off to the TARDIS and get changed then, yes?”

John studied him, his face impassive. “Right, it’s in the basement. Martha, would you show him please?” 

She gave a nod, her lips curving for a moment into a grin that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Of course. Come on, Doctor.”

“Oh, and brother?” John looked at the Time Lord as he paused. “Don’t even think about trying to take off. Not that the TARDIS would let you; I do believe she agrees you need to stay put for a while.”

Taking a quick breath, the Time Lord’s hands curled into fists, before he made them loosen. “I won’t do that to Rose.” His gaze flickered over to where she was starting to straighten up, Jack still encouraging her. “You on the other hand, wellllll, we’ll just see how things go, _brother._ ”

The fully Time Lord Doctor strode off, Martha walking with him, leaving his duplicate, Rose, and Jack behind. Mickey began drifting after them slowly. For his part, the Doctor ignored Mickey, mostly focused on restraining the urge to turn back and try to snatch up Rose. He had the feeling that would not go over very well, even if his intention was to start running tests on her. He wanted, no needed, to find out exactly what had changed, and to make sure she was okay. How the rest of them could be so calm . . . his thoughts trailed off as he looked at Martha. He’d find out, sooner or later. For now, he needed to distract himself.

“You know, I’m starting to think I need a room to chuck all of my unlucky clothes into. It seems like bad things happen to me in this spacesuit too.”

“I suppose you could go find a handy supernova or a black hole to chuck them into.” Martha offered up a smile.

Inwardly, he flinched from her word choices, but he was careful not to show it externally. “Naw, already chucked the TARDIS manual into a supernova. Didn’t do me much good.” 

“Well, that explains it. No wonder you always land in the wrong place or have to spend so much time fixing her up.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He sniffed and shot her an indignant look as he followed her into the house and towards the basement.

“You heard me,” Martha replied with amusement. 

“Well, if you are going to be like that, I’m not going to let you throw anything into my unlucky closet. You’ll be stuck with whatever it is, so there.” He pretended to stick his nose in the air as they descended into the basement. 

An expression of surprise covered his face as he stopped a few steps past the bottom of the stairs. The basement looked like an eccentric tinker’s workshop—bits and bobs covering surfaces, some partially built machinery. His beloved TARDIS was parked in a corner, and there, not far from it, was the young TARDIS coral. It was far bigger than the palm sized piece he had given his duplicate. 

He took a few steps over towards the growing creature, crouching down next to it. Its cheerful greeting brushed over his mind, and he couldn’t help but smile slightly, reaching out to stroke the growing coral. “Been taking good care of you, I see.” 

“They have. John’s been raiding the Torchwood archives, and both of them have been out shopping for parts.” Martha commented from the base of the stairs.

Straightening up, the Doctor shot her a look before heading to open the TARDIS doors. “That so? Well, seems like they have a good start.” He left the door to the TARDIS open, and Martha drifted in after him.

Moving to the center console, he stared at it. Reaching out he lightly touched a lever, and the console sparked at him. Jumping back, he shot it an offended look, his voice dark. “Oi! You are supposed to be on my side.”

“We’re all on your side, Doctor; that’s why you are here and not locked up somewhere.” Martha’s voice is gentle.

He turns in her direction, his eyes dark. “You really think you could keep me locked up somewhere?”

“If we had to. Not something I want to do, Doctor. However, from what I was told, what you were doing could have threatened all of reality.” Martha was calm, her body language relaxed as she met his gaze squarely. “If you knew someone was doing something that could cause irreparable damage, change things that were never meant to be changed, you’d stop them. Why would you expect anything less from us? You taught us better than that.”

When he didn’t respond, she continued, trying to soften her words. “You are our friend, and you have people that care about you. That is why you are here, so we can help you. Doctor, we are worried about you and for you. That is what this is all about.” 

A muscle in his jaw flexed, and he turned towards the corridor. “I need to get out of this suit.” He stalked off into the depths of the TARDIS.

Giving a sigh, Martha watched him go. She looked up at the Time Rotor. “He’s going to take a lot of work, isn’t he, girl?” The lights dimmed for a moment in response before brightening.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Martha looked towards the corridor he disappeared down. “But you don’t give up on people, especially not your friends. He taught us that too.”

Upon reaching his room, the Doctor peeled off the orange suit and the clothes he had underneath it. Heading into the en suite, he focused on getting the shower running. After everything, he wanted to wash part of the day away. 

There in the privacy of his rooms, the emotional weight of what was happening descended upon him. Today he had snapped and tried to change history because he believed he had the right to. At the heart of it, it was because he badly needed to save someone. He was so tired of walking away, of leaving people behind, leaving them to die. Instead, Rose and his meta-crisis had shown up and prevented him from doing something terrible. They had stopped him from causing an incredibly strong woman to commit suicide, just to repair the damage he almost caused to history. 

He stepped into the shower, letting the water beat down on his body as his thoughts and emotions continued to swirl. He had unknowingly left Rose behind to face a horrible death. She had saved herself, and probably his meta-crisis as well. He had failed his Rose, and that hurt. Numbly, he started his ablutions, wishing he could wash his soul clean, like he could his body. 

She wasn’t his Rose—not anymore. He had abdicated that right to his meta-crisis when he failed to tell Rose how he felt. It had been done deliberately, to drive her into the arms of another version of him that could share a life with her and her family. But she was here now, and she was _telepathic_ and who knows what else because of the Bad Wolf. He slammed his fist into the wall of his shower, the tile splintering. Just what had he given up? What was left for him? Sometimes it felt like the universe was trying to take everything good away from him. This time, he had helped it.

Idly, he registered the pain in his hand as he pulled it away from the wall of the shower. Small trickles of blood colored the water that ran from his fingers and knuckles. He felt detached from the burn of his injury. Finally shutting off the water, he left the shower. Drying off, he found the dermal regenerator by his sink and silently thanked the TARDIS. He had been piqued at her earlier, but this wasn’t her fault. He was the one who had screwed things up. 

When he was done in the en suite, he moved into his room. The numbness that had started in the shower followed him. It wrapped around his pain, like armor. He could see, now that he was more detached, where he might have gone wrong. Faintly, he felt the ship’s disapproval at his emotional state, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Almost mechanically, he selected fresh clothes, pulling them on. What they were didn’t seem to matter much at the moment. 

Moving out of his bedroom, he headed towards the console room. Martha glanced up from her perch on the jump seat when he entered, studying him with a faintly concerned expression. He gave her a halfhearted smile. “Meet in their kitchen, yeah?”

Martha frowned slightly and then nodded. “I’m not going to ask if you’re alright. You aren’t—that much is obvious. Just, do you know your hair is kinda . . . flat?”

He blinked at her. “I hadn’t noticed.” Moving towards the door, he stopped and carefully picked up his beloved coat. Pulling it on, it felt like additional armor. He couldn’t let his anger hurt Rose again. He dipped his hands in his pockets and looked back at Martha.

Taking the hint, she slid off the jump seat, heading for the door. When she got to him, she stopped and deliberately wrapped him in a hug. It took a moment, but he responded, holding his friend and former companion close, if not tight. When she released him, she pulled back to study his face, and he gave her a small, sad smile. 

They moved out of the TARDIS to head to the kitchen. As they did so, the Doctor dipped his hands into the pockets of his coat. In the left pocket, his fingers brushed against something hard that seemed to pulse with faint warmth. Closing his hand around it, he recognized the feel of the small wolf figurine the shaman of the Lup’a had given him. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, think about it now, but he kept it in his hand, hidden in his pocket. Somehow that little carved wolf was giving him just a spark of hope.


	9. Coffee Tea and Marmalade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose gets sorted out, and they start to intervention with the Doctor in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to Elensari for keeping me encouraged, and to my beta and grammar goddess veritascara. Lots of tension in this chapter, I hope you enjoy it!

John ignored the retreating Time Lord, focusing instead on Rose. He trusted Martha, and yes, Mickey, to keep that man in check. The main concern John had at the moment was making sure that Rose was okay. He could see her body start to relax the further the Time Lord moved away and the more he kept his own emotions under control. She straightened up and let out a long breath. When she opened her eyes after a couple minutes and looked over to him, he tentatively reached for her. Rose willingly went into his arms, and John held her close. “Better?”

Rose gave a small nod and offered up a shaky smile, “Yeah, loads better now. M’sorry about that. Guess my control needs to be a bit better.”

“Weeeeeellll, I would say it is more of a matter of he and I needing to watch our control. You are the one that’s still developing and learning.” With infinitesimal care, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

“Anyone mind telling me what just happened? Rose, are you okay?” The couple’s eyes flashed over to Jack, who had stayed behind with them in the garden.

John looked down to meet Rose’s gaze, and she gave him a small nod. Looking back to Jack, John kept one arm around Rose and rubbed the back of his neck with the other. “So, short story is, Rose is a developing telepath, as you know, and I’ve been training her.” Dropping the hand from the back of his neck, he used it to gesture expressively. “Between the fact I’ve been training her and our emotional . . . connection, it more or less gives us a loose mental link. Mostly, it can be used to monitor each other’s well being—a sort of safeguard, so I know she’s not getting into trouble.” At Rose’s snort, he amended his statement slightly, “Okay, so we know that neither of us is getting into trouble.”

Hands on his hips, Jack rocked back on his heels and watched them. “Doc, that doesn’t explain it completely. Because I heard you, Rose; you said both of them.”

Feeling Rose’s questioning gaze on him, as well, John tugged his earlobe. “I have a couple of theories on that one.” He searched Rose’s face and continued once she gave a small nod. “We’re both the Doctor. It is not terribly dissimilar to having two different regenerations of me at the same time and place. Not something I recommend, by the way—usually end up fighting, can’t imagine why.”

“Because you are all convinced you are the most brilliant man in the room?” Rose interrupted, her voice dry.

“Oi!”

“Well, it is true; isn’t it?” Rose teased.

“That’s not the point!” John huffed before he continued, “Anyways, I’m the Doctor you have the actual link to. So you are mostly going to connect with me. Because we are both different versions of the Doctor, however, it’s possible for you to connect with either one of us.”

“Same man, just slightly different body,” Rose mused thoughtfully.

“One problem with that theory, Doc,” Jack chimed in. “It’s not exactly like you are different regenerations, though, because you aren’t at different points in your time-stream. You are both the Doctor, but totally separate individuals.”

John made a face when Jack pointed that out. He had rather hoped that would have been overlooked. “Weeeellll, you have a point, but it is close enough to make it similar to.” He hesitated, but one look at Rose’s face, and he remembered his promise: no more secrets. “There is also the possibility a link was always there in the first place. It just wasn’t strong enough to be detected, until your mental abilities developed more.”

“Oh,” Rose said in a small voice. She bit the side of her thumb and looked up at him sideways. 

“Rose?” John prompted. “What is it?”

“It’s probably nothing,” Rose shook her head. 

John frowned as Jack exchanged a glance with him, and then the captain gently prompted her. “It’s got to be something, Rosie, and every little bit might help the Doctor.” John’s lips pressed into a thin line, but it appeared Jack had found the right button to push. 

Rose sighed, and her gaze flicked up between the two of them, “Right after we were . . . Well, when I arrived in Pete’s world, I had these horrible headaches.” She looked down, and dropped her hand to play with the human Doctor’s lapel. “Took me forever to get warm. Felt cold an’ empty. Missed the TARDIS. Never could sleep unless I was exhausted. I figured I was missing you an’ the TARDIS. Then later we just chalked it up to th’ fact I didn’t belong in that universe.”

The human Doctor stiffened and then wrapped his free arm around Rose to pull her tight to him. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should have found a way to get you.”

She shook her head but wrapped both arms around him tightly, as well. “Not your fault, my Doctor. Remember what you told me? You said two universes would collapse, John, and you knew I really wouldn’t want that, no matter what I said then.”

Jack watched them as he shifted minutely from foot to foot. “I hate to mention it, but should we be including Mr. I Know What’s Best in this conversation?”

John felt Rose tense in his arms in reaction to Jack’s question, and he pulled away far enough to see her face. “Rose?”

“Jack’s right. M’just feeling a bit raw,” Rose replied softly. “M’afraid he is going to try an’ push me away again.”

Letting out a gusty sigh, John shifted so he could press his cheek to the top of her head. He could try to protect his own fears and be silent, or he could be honest. There was a vicious tug of war between his insecurity and his promise to her. But it was his promise to her, not the full Time Lord’s. Did he have a right to say anything? Yet the depth of Rose’s hurt compelled him to reluctantly ease the words out, “Rose, he’s fighting the urge to pull you into his arms and not let go.”

“Really?”

John closed his eyes at the bright note of hope in Rose’s voice. He swallowed hard, and his voice was a bit husky when he replied, “Yes, really. Just watch his hands, and you will see it. Remember when I told you I can’t let you go? I am him, and he’s me, especially in that regard. The only reason he pushed you away that day was because he thought you would be happier living that human life with your family . . . and me. We’d both much rather cause pain to ourselves than pain to you.”

Rose pulled back and stared up at him with an incredulous expression on her face. “You don’t get it, do you? Neither of you get it. Hurting yourself hurts me, you bloody idiot. And don’t tell me it’s him; it’s both of you. You’re both the Doctor, and you’ve done that to me in the past.”

“Oi! I’m the Doctor, but I’m a slightly different version of him. Half human, remember? At least I’ve got Donna’s good sense not to let you go or send you away again like that.” When Rose continued to stare at him, he scowled. “Okay, I’ll be tempted, and yeah, I’m going to try and put you out of danger, but I made a promise to you, and I intend to keep it.” Rose relented, leaning back against him, and her expression softened. He pressed his cheek to her hair again and then flicked a glance over to Jack.

Jack returned his look steadily. “Look, you two take a few minutes here. I’ll go back to the house and get the tea started. Just do us all a favor and keep one thing in mind.”

“Yeah, Jack?” Rose asked softly.

“You’ve both been saying it, Doc and the Doctor, at the heart, are the same man. Same past memories and feelings, so seeing you together probably hurts him.” Rose bit her lip at Jack’s words, while John continued to watch Jack. “I’m not saying the two of you shouldn’t be together. Hell, I think you all deserve a bit of happiness. I’m just saying if the Doctor in there is a little unstable, you might want to keep it toned down.”

When they remained silent, Jack stuck his hands in his coat pockets. He looked like he was refraining from sighing. “Look, where and when I came from, folks had all kinds of relationships. Whatever you work out, you should all be honest with each other. I’ve seen what happens when people don’t. Hell, I’ve seen the both of you be miserable because you weren’t. Just think about it, okay?”

When Rose and John locked eyes, the air thickened as if an unheard conversation was going on. Jack took a few steps back. “Right, I’ll be in the kitchen. Take what time you need.” He turned and walked towards the house, leaving the couple alone to work things out behind him.

Comfortable in the house, entering through the back door, he easily made his way to the kitchen. When he reached the bright airy space, he gave a brief smile to Mickey, who was already there. “Ah, coffee. You read my mind.”

Mickey flashed Jack a smile. “Hard not to, boss; you sure drink enough of the stuff.” He continued to move around the kitchen, equally at ease in the house. 

Jack watched him with fascination as he worked at putting the kettle on. “Rose will be happy for tea. They’re taking a few minutes, and then they’ll be in.”

“Jackie would’ve had my hide if I didn’t know how to make a proper cuppa. It’s what she always did in a crisis; I figured it would help Rose.” Mickey’s gaze flickered over to the captain fixing a cup of the freshly brewed coffee. “Once she gets past the mad and the scared, she’ll be trying t’help keep both versions of himself from being hurt.”

Leaning back against the counter with his cup of coffee, Jack’s expression darkened before it relaxed. “You’re probably right. Not sure if what I just told them will help or hurt with that.”

Turning around, Mickey folded his arms across his chest and waited, eyebrow raised. Jack calmly sipped his coffee. “I reminded them that the Doctor is probably not going to enjoy seeing the two of them together.”

Lowering his eyebrow, Mickey considered Jack’s words. “Emotions are running high for the three of ‘em right now. Probably not a bad idea, but yeah, Rose will turn herself inside out for them. You didn’t see what she went through when she was separated from him.”

“You are right; I didn’t. What was she like then?”

Keeping his hands busy with the tea things, Mickey took his time as he explained, his words slow, almost reluctant, with gaps between them, as if searching for the right things to say, “You know what a cold winter’s day is like, when the sun is so bright it hurts your eyes? All the warmth you expect is just gone, and the sun is painful to look at. That is what it was like watching Rose stuck a universe away from the Doctor.” The dishes quietly clicked together as he continued to assemble the tea things, moving between the stove, counter, and table. “It changed her, an’ when we started working on finding the Doctor, that changed her too. She never lost her compassion for others or her sheer determination, but some of that warmth that was Rose was just stripped away.”

Opening up a tin of biscuits, Mickey placed it on the table with the tea things before he turned back towards Jack. “Seeing her with himself again, she doesn’t have the heat of a summer sun quite back—more like a warm spring. An’ I may be a stupid ape, but if those two idiot geniuses turn her back into winter, they’ll have to answer to me. She’s m’best mate—and always will be.”

Silence fell in the kitchen when Mickey was done. “Wow,” Jack’s voice finally broke the quiet. “Never expected something like that from you. Not that I don’t expect you to stand up for Rose, that I know can be counted on.”

A smile flashed across Mickey’s face. “I changed a bit over there.”

“I’ll say. Still,” Jack lightly teased, “you’ll always be Mickey the Idiot to me.”

The darker skinned man snorted, “An’ you’ll be Captain Cheesecake of the innuendo squad.”

In friendly accord, they grinned at each other, until a new voice caused them to turn in its direction. “Oooh, nibbles. And tea! Gotta love a good cuppa. Wait. Jack didn’t make it, did he?” The brown and pinstriped Doctor appeared in the doorway, Martha with him.

Mickey snorted, “No, I did.”

“That’s even worse.”

“Oi! Jackie taught me, so just sit down and try it.” Mickey stabbed a finger at a chair.

“Blimey, someone’s in a foul mood.” Dropping into one of the chairs, the Time Lord started fixing up his tea, putting far too much sugar in it. When he took a sip, both eyebrows went up. “Not bad. Not bad at all.”

“I swear, every time. Leave some sugar for the rest of us, alright?” Martha rolled her eyes but settled to one side of him, fixing her own cup of tea. Mickey sat down next to her, throwing an arm across the back of her chair as he relaxed back.

“There’s plenty of sugar for everyone. It’s not like I stole the last bit of it. Look!” The Doctor’s movements and voice were light hearted as he playfully bantered and grabbed a biscuit. His eyes, though, were flat and dark, a vital spark somehow missing.

“I’m going to need to double the amount of sugar in the pantry now,” Rose proclaimed dryly, as she walked into the kitchen. She lightly squeezed the hand of the blue-jacketed human Doctor, before dropping it and moving into the kitchen to pull open one of the drawers.

“I’m not the only one that takes sugar in their tea,” the full Time Lord sniffed. His eyes followed his counterpart as he moved around the table. John warily looked back. Finally, John pulled out his own seat, leaving a space on either side to separate himself from Mickey and the Doctor.

“True,” John commented, “but it never hurts to be well stocked.” Neither of them was openly hostile, but it was clear they were sizing each other up. A staring contest might have ensued, but Rose broke their focus by setting down a jar of marmalade in front of each of them, putting a spoon next to each jar. 

John immediately broke into a smile, focusing on the jar. Picking it up, he unscrewed the top with a happy sound, not the least bit phased when Rose admonished him. “Spoon, not fingers, got it?” He flicked a sly glance towards her, but did indeed pick up the spoon before digging into the jar.

The Doctor, for his part, just stared at the jar set in front of him. Rose dropped into the seat between them and tentatively leaned in to give him a nudge before centering herself in her chair. “S’okay, Doctor. I’ve pretty much given in to the whole eating-straight-from-the-jar thing. The rule is, you get your own jar, you just have to use a spoon.” He turned his wide-eyed gaze to her, and Rose lifted an eyebrow. “S’just a jar of marmalade.”

“Right, Right!” The Doctor snatched up his jar, unscrewing the top. His gaze was rather distant, adding as somewhat of an afterthought, “Thanks.”

With an absent shrug, Rose started fixing herself a cup of tea. “No problem.”

Still leaning on the counter, Jack didn’t quite shake his head as he half muttered. “Well, this is going to be interesting.” Rose shot him a look over her tea, and he gave her an unrepentant grin back. “Anyways, now that everyone has calmed down a bit, perhaps we can have a more constructive conversation that doesn’t involve yelling?” Jack lifted his eyebrows as he looked at both Doctors and Rose. 

“Who’s yelling? I’m not yelling, and I’m not going to.” The Doctor proclaimed innocently, eyes focused on digging into his marmalade. He felt the pressure of eyes on him and looked up to see just about everyone around the table giving him a look. “What? I’m not going to yell. Blimey.”

“Right,” Martha’s voice drew their attention. “I think I’m going to make some ground rules for this conversation.”

John scoffed, “We’re not children.”

“Really?” Martha interjected, her tone flat, “Then you won’t have any problems following the rules.”

Mickey muttered low, “Not children. You could have fooled me.”

“I’d make a rule against sarcasm, but we all know it would be broken in the first thirty seconds.” Martha shot Mickey a look, and he just gave her an innocent smile back. “As I was saying, ground rules for everyone for any of these talks: Rule number one, no yelling. People start yelling, and the conversation stops until everyone has calmed down. Rule number two, everybody will be heard, even if you don’t agree with them. Rule number three, it is okay to walk away from the table if you need a break, but nobody leaves until the majority agrees to it.”

This time it was the Doctor who commented, with a roll of his eyes, “What are you going to do if we break the rules, give us a time out?”

“Nah, I can think of a better punishment than that.” Rose’s eyes lit up with humor. “All the bananas, including on the TARDIS, will be replaced by pears for at least a week.” Both Doctors spoke at once, their voices overlapping as they dropped their spoons into their marmalade to gesture with their hands.

“I hardly think that’s fair if I behave, and he doesn’t. I mean, come on . . .”

“But Rooooooose, pears are just, just, vile. I can’t believe you would . . .”

Jack whistled loudly and brought their complaints to a halt, “I think that’s perfect, and for the rest of us, there is plenty of scutt work at the Hub that needs to be done.”

John made a face. “I’m not sure what’s worse.”

”Pears. Definitely pears. I mean, really, what could be worse than that?” The Doctor lifted an eyebrow at the human Doctor.

Considering, John waggled his head back and forth. “Yeah, you are right. Pears are definitely worse.”

“Jack, better check to see if the rift ripped open; those two just agreed on something,” Mickey smirked.

Both Doctors leveled a glare at him and crossed their arms at the same time. Between them, Rose tried to hide a snort of laughter. 

“Right. Now that we have that thorny issue settled, how about we get down to business?” Jack leveled a look around the table to settle everyone. His gaze rested on the full Time Lord and stayed there. “Doctor, I’m pretty sure this is what’s called an intervention, and it’s for you.”

The Doctor stiffened, drawing himself up, his expression dark. “I hardly see what gives you all the right to interfere with my life. I’m perfectly fine on my own. I don’t need anyone to tell me what I can and cannot do. Now if that’s it I’ll be—“

Rose’s soft voice cut through his near-rant, and the words dried up in his mouth, “The thing is, Doctor, you are not alright. You know that; I know that; everyone here knows that.” She twisted to look at John, who gave her a slow, if reluctant, nod.

Taking a deep breath, Rose turned to face the full Time Lord. Slowly, she reached for one of his hands. He made no move to stop her, his gaze utterly focused on Rose’s face. She pulled his hand towards her, and his fingers closed over hers. Rose added her second hand to cover the back of his. “You’re hurtin.’ What you need most is a hand t’hold an’ someone t’stand up to you when you need it.”

He continued to stare at Rose’s face as Martha spoke up next, “Rose is right. I’ve seen what you can get like, and we aren’t going to let you go off by yourself right now.”

The Doctor gave a small flinch at her words, the only indication that he had heard the other woman. His attention never wavered from Rose’s face. “Even if m’not the best one to travel with you right now, you still need someone, Doctor. We aren’t gonna let you leave here alone.” He opened his mouth as if to say something, but stopped at Rose’s small headshake. “You an’ me, we have some things to work out. Regardless of what happens, I . . . I care about you, an’ m’never gonna stop. But, m’not going to leave John or leave him behind. He followed me here, an’ I won’t do that to him, I want him with me.”

At that, the Doctor’s head dropped, his hand twitched, and he started to pull back away from Rose as he felt some of his detachment crack. When her breath hitched, he froze, and his hand clamped down around hers. John reached forward to put a supportive hand on Rose’s shoulder, even as she returned the pressure of the Doctor’s grip. John’s eyes flicked from Rose to the Doctor as he spoke, “We have a solution in mind, and one that we’ll need your help with.” He waited a heartbeat, and then continued, “It is Donna.”

The Doctor’s head reared up, and he gaped for a moment at John, before his expression darkened. “You know as well as I do, we can’t do that. If she remembers anything, her mind will burn, and she’ll die,” he snapped.

John’s expression grew equally dark. “Do you really think I didn’t consider that? I care about Donna just as much as you do. I’d never do anything to hurt—” John’s voice cut off as he felt Rose tense up under his hand. He broke his gaze away from the Doctor, looking off at the ceiling before he focused back on Rose’s face. John forced himself to relax, and then he started again, his voice calm. “We have a plan, one that involves us working together so Donna can keep her memories and travel with you again. Rose actually asked the right questions that made me think of it.”

When John cut himself off and looked at Rose, the Doctor felt his anger deflate as a sliver of horror squirmed in his stomach. Rose had almost been put in the middle of their anger, again. He needed to keep a handle on his temper because it was _Rose_ who would suffer if he didn’t. “What plan? Don’t you think I would have done anything—” The Doctor forced himself to cut off his own sharp retort.

“From what I understand of the Doc’s plan,” Jack broke in, and nodded at John, “you wouldn’t have been able to do it on your own, Doctor.” The full Time Lord looked at the former Time Agent blankly; he had forgotten for a moment that other people were there. His brain quickly caught up with that fact, cataloging Jack’s gesture and his use of names as he continued, “In fact, it is something that needs the three of you and the TARDIS to work, if I’m right.”

“Yep,” John replied, popping the p. “Basically, we build a matrix, like the one that the Time Lords used to keep copies of memories and knowledge in. Only this one we design not to copy, but to transfer the knowledge Donna can’t hold in her human brain. The fact that Donna was a two-way transfer from me gives me an edge in drawing those memories out. I’ll need your help to do it safely, so Donna’s mind stays safe. The TARDIS can be our anchor, and Rose can help monitor both us and the matrix.”

The Doctor stilled, his gaze turned inward as he considered the idea. He mentally examined it from every angle, trying to find the flaws in it. Of course, there were ways it could go wrong; every plan can go wrong somehow. But, if they were careful and clever, this plan could succeed. The smile that bloomed on his face stretched wide, his eyes shined as a bit of joy kindled inside it. “Yes, oh yes! That is brilliant. We can build the memory matrix right into the TARDIS, and she can easily handle it. It can even be adapted after to make additional copies of memories and knowledge if need be.”

Rose’s bright happy smile beamed back at him, magnifying the joy he felt inside. It felt like something hard and dark was breaking loose, letting a bit of light back into his soul. He looked over to the meta-crisis and saw a brilliant smile on his double’s face.

No, wait. The Doctor mentally adjusted his thoughts for a moment. This other version of him was giving them both a gift of having Donna back. The least he could do was to try to recognize the man as something more then a mere copy. “Alright, brother, where do we start?” John raised an eyebrow, but there was neither malice, nor derision, in the Doctor’s tone when he said brother.

“I think one of the things we start with, Doctor, is that you agree to stay here and stay put. At least until someone, preferably Donna, can go with you,” Martha’s voice cut into their thoughts. It didn’t entirely dim the joy at the thought of getting Donna back. It did, however, change the Time Lord’s view on what they were doing. 

“Right,” The Doctor looked across the table at her, his smile slipping as his mood soured. “Still trying to ground me then?”

“Doctor?” The Time Lord’s head turned back towards Rose as she spoke. “D’you really want to leave all on your own?”

He could see the slight plea in her face, and he knew he couldn’t hold out against it. With a sigh, his shoulders slumped, as if a heavy weight slid off them. “No, I really don’t.” Then the full Time Lord pasted on a smile. “So I guess we better whip this up quickly, so you two can go back to your lives without me.”

It was the wrong thing to say. He realized it the instant her expression became closed off. He felt cold suddenly, as if a warm blanket that had been wrapped around him was quickly pulled away. Rose pushed back from the table and got up, the Doctor reluctantly letting her pull her hand free. “I’ll go get John’s laptop. The plans are on there.”

“Rose?” John looked up at her, and she paused to give him a small sad smile.

“I’ll be right back,” Rose replied.

John watched her leave the room, and then turned to the Doctor with a stony expression. “You bloody idiot. Did you have to say that?”

The Doctor squared his shoulders and scowled back at the duplicate. “Isn’t that what part of this is about? Fixing Donna so you can get rid of me?” He voice was defensive, and he knew it, but he wasn’t going to admit it.

“She’s been so worried about you. Blimey, _I’ve_ been worried about you. I don’t know why I was if you are going to just make her think, again, that you just want to leave her behind.” John threw his hands out in disgust. “Can’t you tell how much that hurt her? I certainly can, and I’m willing to bet you can too.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” the Doctor blustered. He felt a dull ache lodged between his hearts, but that was his own pain. Wasn’t it?

“Sure, you don’t,” John rolled his eyes. “You just want to ignore everything that risks really admitting what she means to you—to us.”

“The Doctor’s eyes flashed with anger. “Just because you have my memories doesn’t mean you can know what’s going on in my mind right now.”

“You two knock it off,” Jack broke through their death glare staring contest, his voice angry. “We’ve been making some progress, so stop the damn arguing and focus on what is important.”

The Doctor balled up his hands, resisting the urge to growl at the meta-crisis. He already hated himself enough; he didn’t need it coming from this copy. “I have no problem focusing on what is important,” he replied with a clipped voice.

John shot him another dark look, but then Rose re-entered the room. His expression immediately softened into one of concern aimed at her. The Doctor resolutely shifted his gaze to the table, where it landed on the jar of marmalade, spoon still sticking out of it. He inhaled, releasing the breath quickly, allowing his anger to slip away.


	10. Calming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm starts to calm, at least a little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to my wonderful bet vertiascara and all the wonderful reviews, I hope you enjoy!

_The Doctor balled up his hands, resisting the urge to growl at the meta-crisis. He already hated himself enough; he didn’t need it coming from this copy. “I have no problem focusing on what is important,” he replied with a clipped voice._

_John shot him another dark look, but then Rose re-entered the room. His expression immediately softened into one of concern aimed at her. The Doctor resolutely shifted his gaze to the table, where it landed on the jar of marmalade, spoon still sticking out of it. He inhaled, releasing the breath quickly, allowing his anger to slip away._

~~~~~

Jack watched the trio as they worked on the plans for Donna. Rose sat in the middle with the laptop, a Doctor to either side of her. Whatever tension existed between them had been momentarily pushed aside as they worked on the plan. The pair of men, besides looking alike, also moved alike. They started bouncing ideas off one another in a way that was difficult for anyone else to follow, except for Rose, forcing her to be the one who drew in Mickey, Martha, and even himself with the occasional explanation or question. 

After a while, Martha got up, squeezing Mickey’s shoulder before she walked over to join Jack. She busied herself putting together more snacks, Jack lending a hand. “You know, it used to annoy me how much he would talk about her. But I see it now. I mean, I’ve been seeing it with Rose and John.”

“But you wondered if it was because John was a little different?” Jack quietly answered Martha’s low-voiced comment. Both were acutely aware of how sensitive a Time Lord’s hearing could be.

“Yes, but it is the same. She’s sort of a catalyst for him, both versions of him,” Martha replied thoughtfully.  
”Any version of him—remember, I met the previous version, and it was the same.” Jack moved around her, helping arrange food on the plates. “Martha, I’d like you to do something for me, and I’m asking not just as their friend, but as the head of Torchwood Three.” 

Martha gave him a sharp look and a small nod to indicate she was listening.

“Rosie has apparently been holding out on me a little. Long story short, the same incident that changed me, changed her. It just wasn’t obvious at the time. Her changes have been gradual, but still, it would put stress on her body.”  
“You want me to watch her.” Martha’s reply wasn’t a question. 

“Yes. Rose will turn herself inside out to help those two. While they are both a bit overprotective of her, they both have a bit of a blind spot, as well. So I want you to keep an eye on her health.” 

Having heard Jack’s request, Martha turned a critical eye to the blonde woman. “This whole situation is going to be stressful. I’ll do my best. Here, you take the plate; I’m going to grab the laptop to take a turn typing.”

With a conspiratorial look, both sauntered over to the table. Jack set the platter of finger foods down in the middle as Martha pulled the laptop away from Rose. “My turn for a bit, you two,” Martha nodded at Rose and John, “missed out on your party earlier, so fuel up.”

“Was everyone okay? Did they have a good time?” Rose’s first concern, as a matter of course, was for everyone else.  
“It was fine. I did confiscate Polly’s baked goods, though. I thought I would save them for later.” Jack winked at Rose, who burst out with a laugh. “You, Ms. Prentice, have class work to do tomorrow so you aren’t getting any of them tonight.”

Rose rolled her eyes as she responded, “Don’t need them, anyways.” John smirked next to her. 

“Ms. Prentice? Class?” The Doctor’s face suddenly appeared bright with interest.

“Well, I needed a new name since Rose Tyler is officially dead, so I just switched to my Mum’s maiden name. An’ I needed something to keep me busy while our baby TARDIS grows, so m’finishing up my degrees. Did some of it in Pete’s World and, more or less, found a way to fake the records here. Though I was honest with what m’grades were.” Rose gave a small shrug. “I just didn’t want to have to take the same courses twice.”

“Rose got a bit of an education helping build the dimensional cannon,” Mickey chimed in.

“That’s brilliant,” the Doctor grinned. “What are you studying?”

“Mechanical engineering an’ physics. My time on the TARDIS also gave me a bit of an education—had t’keep up after all.”

“You, Rose Tyler, were always brilliant, always asking the right questions.” John gave her a proud smile.  
The light in the Doctor’s eyes dimmed a little as he watched her give his counterpart a warm smile, but his pride still shone through, unable to be diminished. 

“You fuel up while I work on this list.” Martha looked between the two Doctors. “What do we need to get equipment-wise?”

“Weeeeeeelll, I have most of it on the TARDIS, but there may be a few things we still need to get.” The Doctor rattled them off as John listened intently. 

“We should be able to get most of that from the Torchwood archives. There are a number of things there we can salvage components from.” John commented as he helped himself to the snacks, giving Rose a meaningful look. She dutifully started to take some for herself.

The Doctor’s mood darkened, and he leveled a glare at John. “Is that safe? Leaving that kind of equipment lying around Torchwood?”

“Doctor,” Martha’s stern voice forced him to look in her direction. “Look around the table; do you think any of us would allow that stuff to be misused?”

He opened his mouth, and then looked at all the faces there. Letting a breath out, he visibly deflated. “No, I don’t think you would.” His admission allayed the tension which had risen at his earlier question.  
“Everything is kept locked down. No one is getting their hands on it outside of Torchwood. I trust my team, Doctor; you should too,” Jack declared.

Whatever retort the Doctor would have made stopped when John caught his eye. The human Time Lord tipped his head in Rose’s direction. When the Doctor’s gaze fastened on her face, he saw her tension and that she had stopped eating. He swallowed down his reply, giving a short nod.

“Anyways, Boss, I can take the list when we call it a night and bring some stuff back in the morning.” At Mickey’s statement, relaxation returned to all those around the table. The darker skinned man looked between Jack and John. The latter flashed a quick smile and got up to snag a pad of paper and a pen. 

“I’ll make that list for you. We should double check what we have in the TARDIS first.” In an absentminded gesture, John pressed a kiss to the top of Rose’s head. “You finish your snack, and then maybe get some rest.” When she started to protest, he lifted an eyebrow, flashing her a keen glance. “Oi, don’t tell me you are not tired, I can tell you are. Go on. I’ll be there in a bit.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “You know I did manage to take care of myself just fine.”

Across the table, Mickey snorted. “No, you didn’t. How many times did I have to haul you away from work to make sure you ate something, or slept? Right workaholic you became.”

A blush tinged Rose’s cheeks at finding herself the center of attention. “Like you were much better,” she challenged.  
“Hey, someone had to stick around and keep an eye on you.” Mickey asserted, his expression completely unrepentant.  
When she saw the rather intense look both Doctors were giving her at that point, she pushed back from the table. Filling up a plate with some snacks, she gathered her dignity around her. “I don’t have to take this. An’ since it’s my house, I can take this with me.” Her eyes flashed over to Jack, who wasn’t bothering to hide his amusement. “Keep ‘em in line for me, will you?”

Jack grinned and gave her a sketchy salute as she flounced off. “You got it, doll.”

Once Rose left the room, Mickey found himself pinned down by multiple sets of eyes. Unperturbed, he just sat back in his seat. “If she wants to tell you more about it, she will.” 

Jack considered Mickey, and then rubbed his hands together. “Right. TARDIS now so we can send those two off for the night with the list?”

The group around the table got up and moved towards the TARDIS in the basement. Piling into the console room, the Doctor disappeared first into the corridors to search. John moved to the center console to give it a loving stroke. “Hello, Old Girl. I missed you.” The lights brightened briefly, and a warm wash of welcome made him grin. “You are as beautiful as ever.”

Martha watched him for a moment, her gaze flicking to the hallway. “You aren’t going to go back there and help him?”

“No,” John’s answered, his voice quietly resolute. “He needs some space that is his, so I’m not going back there unless he invites me to.”

“There’s a change. Normally you’d just charge ahead. No concept of personal space, you,” Martha gently teased.  
“Yeah, well,” John rubbed the back of his head, a faint flush across his cheeks. “Donna had a habit of throwing things.”

“You can invade my personal space anytime, Doc,” Jack smirked, as Mickey snorted a laugh.

John tried to sound stern, but amusement sparked in his voice. “Oh, stop it.”

“You can’t blame a guy for trying,” Jack countered, without a trace of remorse.

The group teased and chattered for a few more minutes before the Time Lord Doctor walked back into the console room. “Good news is, we have everything here that I thought I did. I can get started right away. The bad news is we definitely need the components I am missing.” He rattled off the list again, and John listened intently. 

Cocking his head to the side, John mentally reviewed the list and nodded. “I think I know exactly what we can use to scavenge parts from.” Bending over the console, he took the paper and pen and swiftly started writing. “Rose and I can make a shopping hop for anything we end up missing—may need a few more supplies for the baby TARDIS anyways.”

The Doctor’s lips thinned and he crossed his arms over his chest. Rocking back on his heels, his gaze dropped down to his converse trainers, before bouncing back up to look at John. “I could probably help you a bit with that, if you want.”

John’s head snapped up to look at the Doctor, astonishment clearly written on his features. As the Doctor gave him an impassive gaze in return, the astonishment on John’s face faded away. “I’d like that, and I think Rose would like that too. Thanks.”

“Well, it’s not every day I get the chance to help grow a TARDIS, is it?” the Doctor shrugged, his voice carelessly nonchalant. 

“I suppose not.” John’s lips curved into a smile as he looked out the door of the TARDIS, and then back to the fully Time Lord Doctor. “Rather remarkable, isn’t she?” He asked, lifting his eyebrows a small amount in question.  
“Oh, yes. Yes, she is,” came the Doctor’s quietly emphatic reply.

“Anyways,” John turned to see their three friends watching the exchange and nearly bounced over to offer them the list. “There you go, Mr. Mickey. If you could bring those things over tomorrow morning, would be appreciated. Oh, and maybe you could bring some of those banana nut muffins from the bakery too?” John smiled, his expression entreating.

Mickey shook his head, amused, and took the list. “I’ll see what I can do. You all have a good night now.” Linking his hand with Martha’s, the pair gave a round of goodbyes, and headed out.

“Well,” John said brightly. “I should check on the baby TARDIS and Rose. I’ll see you two in the morning.” On his way out, he stopped at the exit of the TARDIS, looking back towards the fully Time Lord Doctor. Taking in a breath, a musical burble of words left his mouth before he flashed a quick smile and vanished out the door.

The Doctor stared for a moment at the space John had occupied before his legs folded under him and he collapsed in the jump seat with a thump. “Doctor, you okay?” Jack asked.

“Yeah,” his voice came out rusty, and he swallowed before looking over at Jack. “Yeah, I’m fine, Jack.” When the other man didn’t move to head out the door, the Doctor lifted an eyebrow. “Aren’t you going, as well?”

 

Jack gave a careless shrug. “I don’t sleep much these days. I figured you could use an assistant to get started.”

A shadow crossed the Doctor’s face. “I don’t need a babysitter,” he said in a clipped voice.

“Doctor,” Jack’s voice was patient. “Ever consider your friends are worried about you and want to make sure you are okay? I’m not just staying here for you. I’m staying here for all of us too. They’ll rest better knowing I’m here.”  
The Doctor stared at him for a moment, and then turned on his heel to head deeper into the TARDIS. Jack watched him go. It looked like it was going to be a long night. At least, he thought to himself, he could enjoy a bit of the view. With that cheerful thought, he followed the Time Lord.

The following morning the kitchen was full of the light and happy chatter of people moving about. Mickey and Martha had rejoined them, bringing the requested items, including the banana nut muffins. Rose and John floated about the kitchen, finishing up breakfast for everyone in a well-coordinated dance, one that spoke of practice and two people fluent in nonverbal communication. Jack leaned back against the counter, cracking jokes and chatting with everyone. 

The pinstriped Doctor sat apart at the kitchen table, working to reduce one of the items from the Torchwood Archives into its basic components. With single-minded determination, he ignored the radiance and laughter swirling around him—the only things that caused him pause, a muffin set on the bits and bobs in front of him and a cup of tea at his elbow. With a softly muttered thanks, he made the muffin quickly vanish, and soon drained the cup. Then he immediately dived back into his work.

Jack left first, heading back to the Hub to check on things for the day. Mickey departed with him, leaving Martha there. The blue-jacketed part-human Doctor cheerfully packed up the Torchwood artifacts, and Martha helped him carry them down to the workshop. Only the pinstriped Doctor and Rose now remained in the kitchen. Determined, he kept his focus on tinkering with the object in front of him.

Then, next to him, came the sound of a chair scraping across the floor, and he could feel her warm presence. The scent of her shampoo, and underneath it, the scent that was uniquely hers, tickled his nose. He stayed still, never deviating from looking at the work in front of him, even when he heard her soft voice near his side. “It occurred to me, with all the excitement, we haven’t had a proper hello.”

Rose bit back a sigh when he didn’t acknowledge her. She reached out to lay a hand over his. At her touch, his hands stilled. “M’not sorry for yelling at you. We have some stuff to work out, yeah? But I am sorry that you are hurting. I’m worried about you, Doctor.”

He swallowed and kept his eyes fixed on the artifact in front of him. His reply came in a hoarse voice, barely more than a whisper, “How can I say hello to you when I’m just going to have to say goodbye again?”

“Oh, Doctor,” Rose let her breath out in a whoosh. Her hand tightened over his. “M’not going to make you any promises, ‘cause neither of us knows how this is going to work out, yeah? I can tell you that I love you, an’ I always will. I would have followed you anywhere.” 

The sonic dropped from his hand at her words, and he closed his eyes. 

“Just because I love John, doesn’t mean I love you any less. You’re just different versions of the same man, yeah? Like when you changed leather jacket and boots for pinstripes and converse. That didn’t change who you were underneath. That’s the man I will _never_ stop loving, no matter what the casing.”

He stopped breathing when she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “What I can tell you is m’done following. I won’t let anyone make decisions for me anymore, not you, an’ not John. Kinda funny, I offered him a choice, and he followed me here.” 

The Doctor’s hand twitched, but he forced himself to remain still, to remain there in his seat. He was too afraid that if he moved or said anything, he would do something he couldn’t take back—that he would just make things worse. Finally, Rose pulled back, her warmth receding with her. “Enough for now, I think. I need to be at the university today, anyways. John an’ Martha will be here for you. Just please, remember we do care about you, Doctor. I’ll see you later.”

It wasn’t until he heard the murmur of voices in the doorway that he opened his eyes up so he could work again. He could tell it was Rose and his . . . brother talking just outside the kitchen. He really didn’t want to know what they were saying, so he blocked them out in favor of dismantling more pieces in front of him. He was so successful that he didn’t even realize that John had come up beside him until a box dropped on the table, making him jump.

John watched him briefly and then simply began to pick up the components and put them in the box to carry downstairs. His mind utterly blank on what to say, he kept his hands busy as he tried to think it through. The parts on the table were as scattered as his thoughts, so in an odd way, it felt like he was organizing both. Finally, when he had all the loose parts gathered up, John had collected his thoughts enough to talk. “Look, I can’t see any way this will be easy on you, but we really do want to help you.”

The Time Lord appeared to be ignoring him completely, not bothering to look up. With a small frown, John continued, “A lot of it you are going to have to work out on your own, but I’m here for you.” He allowed a small bit of pleading to color his tone. “At least you are not alone. There are two of us. You are not all that is left anymore. I’d like to think of us as brothers.”

At the continued silence, John reached up to rub the back of his neck. “Weeeeeeell, if there was going to be two of a Time Lord, we’re the one that is amazing enough to pull it off.”

The Doctor gave the tiniest of hesitations at that comment, before continuing his work as if nothing was going on. John’s shoulders slumped a little, and he suddenly blurted out the rest. “The truth is, a part of me is absolutely terrified to have you here.” That, finally, made the other man’s hands still. “I may be a version of you, but you are still the one she ran after. You are the one with the fully grown TARDIS. You are the full Time Lord. You can give her so much that I can’t.” 

When the seated man neither said anything, nor resumed his work, John sighed. Picking up the box, he started towards the kitchen exit. “Look, when you are ready, join us downstairs. I have the workshop set up. Or go in your TARDIS, whichever you like. We can just concentrate on getting this set to fix Donna.”

His eyes fixed on the parts in front of him, the Doctor’s voice finally emerged, and John stopped in the doorway. “You are the one that can tell her that you love her. You can give her the life I can’t.” The Doctor’s voice rang out dully, resigned.

“That’s where you are wrong,” John quietly replied. “But you are going to have to figure out that one for yourself. Not that I’m just going to give her up, mind.”

The Doctor managed a short humorless laugh, “Quite right. I don’t expect you to.”

“Weeeeell, when you are ready, come join us downstairs.” John turned his back to the kitchen and left.

The Doctor sat back from the table, letting his arms fall down to his sides and dangle there. Eventually, he got up, picked up the remaining bits and bobs on the table, and made his way down to the workshop. He didn’t say a single thing for the rest of the day.


	11. Building

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are working on the project to fix Donna, and end up needing to take a trip for more parts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Elensari for keeping me encouraged, and to my beta and grammar goddess veritascara. Veritascara keeps me in line and writing a better story.

The burst of words that came from Doctor’s mouth sounded both musical and somehow harsh as the offending bit of machinery hurtled across the room, colliding with the basement wall with a small spray of sparks. His gaze snapped up when Rose’s voice distracted him from glaring at the smashed remains. 

“I’ll just add that to my alien curse word collection.”

The basement had become the default gathering place as the project for Donna took shape. Really, people moved in and out of the basement, the TARDIS, and the rest of the house fairly equally. Not everyone had the qualifications to work on the project, but frequently, at least one member, if not half of Torchwood’s small staff, was there at any given time. An unspoken decision among the group concluded that working out of the Hub may not be beneficial for the Doctor, so they kept the project at Rose and John’s house. However, just about everyone wanted to help with it or help keep an eye on the Doctor, making for a rather full and busy household. 

John thrived on it. He loved having people around and rarely lost the smile on his face. The half-human Time Lord practically bounced about the house, getting into everything and getting along with everyone. Rose threatened twice daily to reduce his sugar and caffeine intake to nothing, but it didn’t stop him. Instead, he would just smile and make her laugh, and it was forgotten—at least until the next time Rose had to settle him down.

The Doctor, for the most part, remained quiet. Rarely did he venture further than the basement. It took an act of coaxing, usually by Rose, or bananas, to get him to go further. Sometimes it took both—like when Rose made banana bread. But too long upstairs in the cozy domesticity of their home set him on edge, practically twitching. Scathing comments about curtains, carpets (of which there weren’t any), and general domestic insults would commence if he had been upstairs too long. That always preceded a retreat into the TARDIS, where he would disappear for hours at a minimum, and when he came back out, he’d single-mindedly focus on the project, not offering any explanations. Once in a while, one of the team drew a smile out of him, but that was rare. The majority of the time, he gave the impression of leashed intensity.

Rose swung back and forth between the moods of the two Doctors—all smiles one moment, and then quiet concentration, the next. Often, she was quite content to sit and work on the project or her course work, yet other moments she acted like her skin was too tight—that sitting still would make her explode. This disturbed Jack and Martha—these moments when they could see her façade cracking, a tired, worn-down look creeping in, before she would spring back up and onto her next task or mood.

“Rose Tyler, when did you get a list of alien curse words?” John inquired from across the room.

With an eye roll, she called back to him, “I started it when I overheard some alien doing repairs under the TARDIS’ console and swearing when she shocked him.”

“I told you not to bring more pretty boys on board. It’s hardly my fault they taught you horrible language,” he sniffed.

“Not my fault you regenerated into a pretty boy. You did that all on your own,” Rose shot back.

“So you think I’m pretty, do you?” John waggled his eyebrows at her.

“Shut up,” Rose replied with a laugh.

Martha couldn’t help the grin that snuck on her face watching the two of them banter, and when Rose looked over at her, the two of them burst into laughter.

“See, this is why it’s bad for you all to be interacting. That is what happened when Rose met Sarah Jane.” To everyone’s surprise, the Doctor, not John, had offered the half-playful, half-exasperated comment.

John sat up, poker-faced, “It’s going to be even worse when Donna joins in.”

A faint look of alarm crossed the Doctor’s face. “Do you think it’s too late to call this whole thing off?”

“Oh, you love it, and you know it.” Rose twisted to look at the Doctor, a bright smile on her face. 

“Weeeeeeeell—” he started to answer her, a shadow of a smile on his face. But then it faded, and he shrugged. He kept his tone light, even though his expression regressed to sullen. “Anyways, we have to get this thing finished before we can even get Donna here, right?”

Martha gave the still-sparking part a pointed look. “Depends. Was that bit important?”

The Doctor scowled at the remains of his handiwork. “Yes,” he replied, his voice short. “We’ll have to get more parts.”

John mused, “Don’t have any more of those. We’ll have to go pick some up. What do you think, Rose? The market on Grighton Six? I think the 2340s should net us something there.” 

Biting her lower lip, Rose thought about it and then nodded. “Yeah, that’ll do. We can take a quick hop with the vortex manipulator and be back.”

“Oh, no! Not without me, you don’t. I have been sitting here in this house with curtains and neighbors, and, and barbeques for days! You are not leaving me behind while you two gallivant off to have all the fun. I am sick of being stuck here.” The Doctor’s eyes blazed with pent up frustration.

“Well, we can’t take the TARDIS. She’s in the middle of that diagnostic cycle, and it will take her a while to finish it. Unless you really want us to put all this work behind by another day,” John pointed out.

“How about this?” Martha’s soothing voice chimed in. “I’ll give Jack a call, and the four of you can go. I can work a bit—or Mickey. Or it can wait until you get back.” The unspoken statement was that no one, except for the Doctor, wanted him to go off alone, or even with just one person.

Rose frowned, “But what about you? Don’t you want to go?”

“Oh, no. Two Doctors together on an alien planet? If that’s not a magnet for trouble, I don’t know what is. I think that’s the best possible combination to deal with any trouble that comes up,” Martha answered seriously; however, a teasing smile graced her face. 

“Oh, come on, Martha. We’re really not _that_ bad.” When both women turned to look at John with raised eyebrows, he amended, “Well, not most of the time?”

Rose shook her head. “Right. You call Jack. I’m about done with this. Might as well test it out on Martha while we wait for him to get here.” She moved back towards her work, her back now to both Doctors.

“Me?” the human physician asked with a bemused expression. “Why do I get to be the human guinea pig?”

“Because you are the only full human here at the moment,” Rose responded absentmindedly as she focused on the delicate work under her hands. “I don’t count, what with the boosted healing and mental stuff. I think Jake called me ‘human with a bit extra.’ He liked to joke that I was their terrestrial superhuman.”

Both men’s heads turned to focus on Rose. The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but John stopped him, reaching across to lightly grab his arm. Wide-eyed, he turned towards his brother, only to see John give a slight shake of his head. To his surprise, he heard a mental whisper in his head. _~ Don’t. If we say anything, she’ll stop talking. Rose is now good at keeping things bottled up inside because she’s worried about how we’ll react. Sound familiar? ~_

The mental touch startled him but felt very, very welcome. For far too long, the Doctor had been alone in his head, and, for a member of a telepathic species used to being connected to a small degree to his entire race, the emptiness weighed down on him. Allowing this small mental touch from his metacrisis helped ease the pain. The Doctor’s head dipped down, and his hand reached to cover John’s to facilitate a tight mental communication, lessening the chance that Rose would overhear them. _~ Alright. I want to know more, but getting her to talk about this is difficult. ~_ His mental voice turned bitter. _~ One of the things I wish she hadn’t learned from us. ~_

Ruthlessly, John tamped down the small thrill he felt when the full Time Lord not only accepted his mental communication, but returned it. _~ I know. One of the things I have found that has helped: when I am open with her, she’s more likely to be open with me, ~_ John sent back to him.

The Doctor’s silence lasted long enough that John feared he may have pushed just a bit too much. He felt relieved when the Doctor finally admitted, _~ I’m not sure if I can be that open. ~_

_~ It takes practice. It’s easier for me, I think, because of Donna’s influence. She never was one to keep what she thought to herself. ~_ Both Doctors shared a rush of fondness for Donna after that statement. 

_~ We’ll get her back. ~_ This determination came from them both. 

The Doctor dropped his hand after that. That kind of communication was very . . . intimate. He had a hard time allowing anyone that close to him, even another version of himself. But what he didn’t do was more significant than the fact he had pulled back; this time, he didn’t block out that tiny little connection left open there. The Doctor allowed himself to feel the presence of another Time Lord mind. John, concluding that the Doctor was done communicating, took out his phone to give Jack a quick call, but he kept his gaze, and part of his focus, on Rose.

Rose, intent on her project, missed the small byplay. Martha noted it, but did her best to keep from drawing attention to it. She kept her focus on Rose, trying to gently coax out more information. Those with Time Lord brains may be able to keep track of multiple things, but the human mind had different limitations. “That Jake sounds like he was a good friend.”

A smile lit Rose’s expression as she worked. “Yeah, after every trip with the dimension cannon, he’d be there to help. First few trips were rough, but after that it got easier. At least for me—no one else could quite manage it.”

“Have to be made of tough stuff to travel with the Doctor. Lord, the number of times I ended up running for my life. You would think he could manage to land somewhere peaceful once in a while, but no, not him. I started to think we were a magnet for trouble. We show up and boom everything happens.” Martha’s playful comments made the smile on Rose’s face widen.

“Tell me about it; though part of that, I think, comes from the TARDIS. Sometimes she’d give me little warnings. I think she knew where we needed to be better than the Doctor did.” Rose finished linking everything together as she talked. “There. Time for a little bit of testing. You up for it?”

Martha observed Rose’s raised eyebrows and nodded. “Sure. This is what you are going to use to help monitor Donna, right?”

“Yep.” 

Rose picked up the thin half circle, and moved to put it on Martha’s head. “Since I’m going to do the monitoring myself, makes sense for me to test it. You okay with me doing that, though? I remember the first time the Doctor told me about the TARDIS getting into my head to translate for me I freaked out a bit. But this isn’t going to be anything like that. It’s kinda like I’m looking through a window, and not like I’m coming in a door.”

After she gave Rose’s face a searching glance, Martha nodded, “Yes, I trust you.”

The half circle gently slid into place on Martha’s forehead. Once Rose appeared satisfied it was secure, she moved to turn on several monitors. As they lit up with information, she waved Martha over. “There. See a scan of your brain showing activity and vitals. We have a couple of backups for this. We aren’t taking any chances with Donna.” 

Martha peered at the screens with a warm smile. “This will also come in handy back at the Hub.” As she spoke, colors flickered across the interface displaying neurological activity. “Well, that definitely works.”

Rose grinned, “Human technology is a few years off from having it quite this simple and expressive. They will get there, but this is safer. Now I just need to make sure that what I can observe and the readings here are in sync. We can’t test the actual transfer, but I’d like you to think about childhood events. Nothing you don’t mind sharing, alright?”

Martha nodded, and Rose guided the other woman to sit in a chair. Lightly, the blonde placed her fingertips on the sides of Martha’s face, just under the metal band. Both women closed their eyes to better concentrate. “Okay, Martha, this is probably going to feel a bit different. Stay relaxed for me, if you can. Just concentrate on memories from when you were a kid.”

The sensation of a warm breeze flowed around Martha, and it took a moment for her to realize that had to be Rose. The brush did feel a little odd, but it also felt warm and comforting. She stayed relaxed easily, as she consciously brought up memories of playing games with her siblings—quite a few where they pretended to be sick, and she made them better. A multitude of memories flicked by: taking a test in school, laughing at lunch with friends, even one of her parents arguing. She tried to keep focused on the memories, but something in the background distracted her. She didn’t recognize it. “Is someone singing?”

“That would be th’ Tardis,” Rose replied calmly. “You’re sort of hearin’ her through me.”

“Do you hear her all the time?” Martha tried to puzzle out the implications.

“Right now I’m actin’ like a bridge of sorts. So she could act through me in an emergency without hurtin’ you. Translating for you is one thing. That only touches the surface of your thoughts. M’not going deeper now, but I could if needed. You’re not at telepath, so havin’ her in your head might be a bit too much because she’s a non-linear being.” Rose neatly sidestepped the question. “Should help if need be with Donna.”

“It doesn’t bother you, her being non-linear?” It was a decidedly odd feeling, now that Martha realized the gentle brushes were inside her head, rather than across her skin—slightly disorienting when combined with talking out loud—so she kept her eyes shut.

On Rose’s part, it was absolutely fascinating. Though she remained on the outside, the human physician’s mind gave the impression of orderliness. Rose opened her eyes, and, while difficult to hold on to the mental and visual images, it was important that she could do both. The machines told her precise details, like temperature, and recorded energy output. Plus, Rose enjoyed watching the screen filled with beautiful shifting colors, indicating Martha’s thought processes.

“Nope. She an’ I’ve been friends a while now. It bothers me more not t’hear her. Back in Pete’s World, I’d play the radio a lot for background noise. It just felt so empty and quiet.” After a few more moments, Rose closed her eyes again. “I think that’s enough for now. I’m going to withdraw, and we’ll take the band off, okay?”

“Sure.” Martha kept her eyes closed until she felt Rose remove the band. “So, did everything work?” 

The blonde smiled. “Like a treat. Come check the readings for yourself.”

After she opened her eyes, Martha moved over towards the monitors. “This is incredible, Rose. You’ve got a setup to monitor all the physical reactions while you can watch the mental ones.” 

John came up behind Rose, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Martha’s right. This is brilliant.” He smiled and wrapped his arms around her from behind. She leaned back against him. “Jack’s on his way. He sounded a little too eager for the field trip. So we may need to keep an eye on him.”

Rose laughed and tipped her head back to look up at him. “When do we not need to keep an eye on him?” 

“You know, I don’t know why we let him keep that vortex manipulator of his.” The Doctor wandered over, carefully keeping his gaze fixed to the monitors. “This really is brilliant, Rose.”

“Because it’s his, and Jack can be a pretty responsible guy? An’ thanks, Doctor. Martha helped quite a bit,” Rose answered softly.

“Oh, no. This was all you, Rose. Sure, I helped, but not to this extent. I can really believe that you built that dimension cannon almost entirely on your own after seeing all this.” Martha shook her head in admiration. 

“I had a lot of help,” Rose shrugged, “and a lot of motivation. The stars were going out. Someone needed to be, and find, the Doctor.” Both men moved so they could look at her face at that. If the Doctor’s smile held touches of sadness, John’s held threads of pride.

“Well, if Jack’s on his way, I better get ready.” She pulled away from John and headed towards the stairs. “You guys coming?”

“In a minute, love. You go ahead. I’m going to check to make sure we don’t need anything else.” John’s smile stayed in place as Rose nodded and moved up the stairs. When she was out of sight and earshot he turned back towards the other two, folding his arms across his chest. “That was interesting.”

“Interesting. I suppose that’s one way to put it. I mean, look at what she’s accomplished.” The Doctor waved his hand in the direction of the monitors. 

“Is it significant that she can always hear the TARDIS?”

Both men answered Martha at once, in one voice, “Yes.”

They exchanged a look, and John motioned for the Doctor to continue. “She’s probably bonded to it, but a human’s not supposed to be able to do that.”

“She already said she’s not just human any more; she’s something else.” Martha pointed out.

The Doctor’s shoulders slumped. “What did I do to her?”

“No.” John’s voice was low, quiet. “It’s ‘what has she chosen for herself?’” 

The Doctor’s head jerked up, starting to protest. John shook his head to stop him. “That’s exactly what it is, and what she has told me time and time again. She’d be furious with you if you tried to take responsibility for that. I should know. She’s yelled at me a time or two.”

“What could have caused this all this, anyways? When she looked into the Time Vortex? I heard you talk to Jack about it before, Doctor—how she brought him back to life, and she couldn’t control the power.”

“There is that.” John leaned against the doorframe of the stairs. “Not everything was under her control, so there were consequences to her actions.”

“You can’t tell me you blame her for that. She saved our life!” The Doctor replied indignantly, giving John an angry look. 

“Of course not. What do you take me for? All I am saying is what she did has consequences that no one was prepared for—least of all her. So we do our best to try and help her. I mean, look at all that.” John waved a hand at the monitors. “That’s advanced. Way more advanced than most humans could think up. I’m not entirely sure why she’s bothering to go to the university at all.”

“Because it’s important to her,” Martha told them. “I get it; it was the same with me making sure I passed my boards. No matter how much experience I had when I was with you, I needed that piece of paper to say I did it. Rose was what, nineteen, when she ran off with you? A shop girl with no A-levels? She’s doing this to prove to herself that’s she’s worth something.”

“Rose was always so much more than some shop girl,” the Doctor glared.

“What she was to you is not the point. It’s about what she is to herself. That’s what matters. Now she’s going to wonder where we are if we stay down here too long. So you two, get your act together. Stay calm, or she’ll pick up on it. She’s better than a barometer when it comes to you.” Martha started to head upstairs.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Confused, the Doctor looked between Martha’s retreating form and John.

“If you can’t figure that one out, then you’re just in denial, and I can’t help you,” John shrugged and turned to follow Martha.

The Doctor watched them go, dark confusion drawing down his features.

~~~~~

Grighton Six had excellent weather that day as they meandered through the marketplace. John, in his blue jacket and jeans, firmly gripped Rose’s hand. She laughed as he dragged her from stall to stall, pointing out various things like an over excited puppy. The Doctor on the other hand, brooded as he walked along, Jack walking with him. “You know, Doctor, for someone that insisted on coming along, you are sure trying to suck the fun out of it.”

His head snapped in Jack’s direction, staring at the handsome captain. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well, look at Rose and the Doc; they are having a great time. You, on the other hand, look like a thunderstorm in a trench coat. Relax. Live a little.”

The Doctor went from brooding to scowling, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I’ve been meaning to ask, I get that you need different names to keep us straight, but he puts up with you calling him Doc?”

Jack shrugged, a lazy smile on his face. “His idea. Said he knew who he was, and Rose knew who he was, and that was all that mattered. She knows that he’s still the Doctor, so to him, the name is no big deal.”

A bleak expression flashed across the full Time Lord’s face before the mask slid back into place. It wasn’t there long, but Jack spotted it anyways. “Just like she knows you are still the Doctor, as well.”

He stiffened at Jack’s words, looking straight ahead. “She has him; she doesn’t need me.”

“That’s crap, and you know it, Doctor. She’ll always need you.” When the Doctor didn’t respond, Jack rolled his eyes. “Look. Normally, I try to stay out of other people’s relationships, unless they are both inviting me into bed.” That got an amused snort out of the Doctor. “In this case, I love all of you, and you are driving me crazy. You three need to sit down and talk about this.”

Hunching his shoulders, the words just popped out of his mouth. “Time Lords don’t share.”

“Time Lords also don’t have a metacrisis of themselves running around,” Jack pointed out. “Maybe it’s time to change things a little.”

“It doesn’t matter. She chose him, and they have each other.” The Doctor snapped back, his tone defensive—and he knew it—but he couldn’t seem to help himself, either.

“Of course, she did. He told her that he loved her—what she’s been waiting for for a very long time. Rose told me all about it. You can’t tell me you didn’t know what not telling her was going to do to her.” The Doctor had no reply. He simply kept walking, moving straight ahead. Jack sighed, “Look, Doctor, just get the stick out of your arse, and try to relax and have fun.” Jack waited a beat and added, “I have no problem helping you out with that.”

“Stop it, Jack.” The Doctor’s answer was almost a reflex, but the corners of his lips twitched.

“You know you love me, Doctor.” Unrepentant, Jack grinned at him.

The Doctor opened his mouth to reply, but John picked that moment to dash back to them, dragging Rose behind him. “Doctor, you would not believe what I found. There’s this guy, and he has thermal reticulated couplings.”

“Not only that. They have inverted transfer links. I think they can be adapted to an oscillating power flow.” Both Doctors turned and stared at Rose. She merely returned an innocent look, “What?”

John’s voice dropped low. “You are drop dead sexy.”

Rose snorted a laugh and reached out with her free hand towards the Doctor. “Come on. You’ll love it.”

Her smile faltered when he just looked at her hand. But then, before she could pull it back, he reached out and enfolded it in his. Her smile brightened, and John impatiently tugged on her other hand. “Come on, and Jack, you might even find something you like in there.” 

As they started off, Rose looked back over her shoulder at Jack and mouthed the words “giant junk pile.” He started laughing, strolling along behind them and enjoying the view.


	12. Rose Wanders Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adventures at the junk yard, including finding something that shouldn't be there. Rose and the Doctor have a bit of a spat, and shock of all shocks, Rose wanders off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a packed chapter for you, hope you enjoy. As always my eternal gratitude to my beta, the grammar goddess veritacscara for helping me make my stories better, and Elensari for being a wonderful supporter.

By the time Jack caught up with them, they were indeed in a place that looked like a scrapheap. Both Doctors appeared to be in heaven, combing through the bits and pieces for usable items. Rose seemed amused by them both, quietly checking things behind them and either adding to or rejecting their selections. “But Rose, that’s a perfectly good part.” Jack heard John grumble as he got closer. 

Rose shook her head. “Look. It’s got a crack all the way through the casing. Sure, we could weld it, but it wouldn’t be anywhere near as secure.”

“Rooooose, these parts are hard to find," the Doctor whined.

She set it to the side and put both hands up. “Fine, but don’t pay full price for that, and he’s doing the bargaining,” she pointed at John. When the Doctor opened his mouth to protest, she shook her head. “No, the last time this you did the bargaining, I ended up making three dozen muffins to help pay for everything, so you need to let John do the bargaining.” 

The Doctor stared at her, and then back at a smirking John, his mouth hanging open. He finally shut it with a click. “But they were really good muffins,” he offered feebly.

“Now that sounds like a story.” They turned towards the third male voice, and John scoffed, “Only you, Jack, could make an innuendo out of muffins.”

“You’re kidding, right? Baking is sexy,” Jack grinned, and the Doctor rolled his eyes.

Rose swiftly plopped another bit of machinery between them as a distraction. “Here. I found this. What do you think?” Both Doctors started investigating her find, commenting back and forth as Rose strolled over to Jack. “There. That will keep them busy for a bit.”

Jack slung an arm around her shoulders. “How are you holding up?”

She leaned her head on the shoulder of a man she loved like a brother. “M’fine, really.” At his skeptical look she smiled, “Yes, it’s a bit confusing, and hard, but I’m not giving up.”

“Here’s the all-important question: do you know what you want?” Jack rubbed a hand up and down her arm as they watched the Doctors go through the various parts. 

“I want them both to be happy, and I want me to be happy,” Rose quickly replied. For his part, Jack said nothing, giving her time to think about her response.

“Jack? Am I being selfish wanting them both?” Pain and uncertainty threaded through her voice.

With a sigh, Jack leaned his head against hers. “You know, doll, that depends on who you ask. In the 51st century every kind of relationship goes, nobody judges who you love—or how.”

“It’s not about—” Rose fumbled for the words to say. “It’s not like that. Well, I mean obviously for me and John, but the other Doctor . . .” Her voice trailed off, unable to organize her thoughts into speech.

“The important part is what happens after we get Donna back for him and he’s stable enough to leave. If he wants to go, you have to let him,” Jack responded gently.

“What if I can’t let him go?”

“Rose, would you really hang on to him if it was making him miserable?”

When she didn’t respond, he squeezed her with the arm that lay across her shoulders. “Just think about it; nothing is being decided today. Today we are relaxing and finding the parts that those two crazy kids need to build their machine. So let go of that worry for now. I think part of the problem is you _all_ are so tied up in what’s hurting. Just relax and have fun.”

Taking a deep breath, Rose deliberately put a smile on her face. Then she stretched up on her toes and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Jack. I will.”

She drifted over to the two Doctors as Jack watched. A tactile person, she gave a light touch and a comment to each of them before she drifted off to find more parts. The two men had very different reactions to those touches. John lit up inside with a warm inner glow as he leaned towards her, an immediate smile and a comment on his lips. The fully Time Lord Doctor tensed before he relaxed. He smiled quietly, but a guarded look remained about his face. Yet when she left, the Doctor followed her with his eyes, while John seemed content to concentrate on the parts in front of him. Jack carefully filed away their reactions for later thought before he drifted over to join the two men. He hadn’t really flirted with either one of them yet today, and he had a reputation to uphold, after all.

They had a pretty decent pile of parts and were about to wrap things up, when Rose placed something new between them, disgust flitting around the edges of her careful expression as she stared at the odd contraption. “Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.”

Wordlessly, the two Doctors looked from her down to the contraption between them. The central device had leads on either side that attached to broken circlets. Their expressions darkened as both went to work, sonics in hand. Jack took in Rose’s pale expression. “Rose, what’s wrong? What do you think it is?”

“This,” John said onimously, “is exactly what Rose was afraid of.”

“A psychograph. Highly illegal,” the Doctor stated evenly.

Jack gave a low whistle, “I’ve heard of those. What’s one doing here?”

“That’s what I would like to know.” John’s expression remained a little cold.

The Doctor scooped up the bits and advanced towards the location of the yard manager’s office. His expression rapidly turned thunderous, and both John and Rose scrambled after him. With each step he took, they could see his anger increase. Reaching the office, he kicked the door open, startling the very orange humanoid inside. He dropped the contraption in front of the man and leaned towards him. “What is this doing in your possession?”

Raising his hands in a gesture of conciliation, the manager sputtered, “How am I supposed to know? People dump whatever is useless to them here, and I pay them by the bulk weight. I don’t exactly catalogue all of it.”

“You let people dump dangerous equipment here, and you don’t check it?” The Doctor’s eyes flashed as he swelled with anger.

“Practically anything people dump could be turned into something dangerous. That’s why I have a security system for when no one’s here to watch the place. Do you have any idea the size of the loads that get dropped off? I’d waste my time trying to identify everything when most of the stuff is being dumped because it is beyond repair,” the manager retorted defensively. “People come here to do exactly what you are doing—strip things apart for components. What do I need to know about with what the things do, if they aren’t actually functioning anymore?”

The Doctor growled and took a step towards the manager. Jack and John flanked him, each putting a restraining hand on his arms. “Whoa there, Doctor!” Jack interrupted. “Just calm down a little.”

“I will _not_ calm down. What he is doing is highly irresponsible and dangerous!” 

“Doctor.” At Rose’s hand on his chest, he stilled. “Let me handle this, yeah?”

He didn’t respond, continuing to glare at the manager, even when John leaned in to whisper something in his ear. Rose ignored them, giving the manager a sympathetic smile. “M’sorry he’s so hostile. See, awhile back someone used one of those things on me and almost compressed my mind into nothing. So he’s a bit sensitive about it.”

“Oh,” the manager softened, “that is understandable. But still, it’s not right for him to take it out on me. I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Rose ignored the Doctor’s angry whispers with John and concentrated on the manager. “Of course, it isn’t. The thing is, whoever is doing this is really hurting people. Now, I know you don’t want people to be hurt.”

“Of course, I don’t!” The orange man looked almost affronted and then relaxed. “Tell you what, if you can tell me where you found it, I’ll try and remember who dropped that batch of stuff off.”

Rose gave him a bright smile. “That would be wonderful. Thank you.”

She continued to ignore the men as she chatted with the manager. After a few minutes, she triumphantly walked back with a name and an address written on a scrap of paper. “Okay, let’s go outside. John, can you bargain for our parts, please, and then we can be off?" John nodded, and with a friendly, upbeat smile, moved to negotiate with the manager. 

Rose took his place as she and Jack herded the Doctor out of the office. Once outside, she rounded on the glowering man dressed in brown pinstripes. “Doctor, just what were you doing in there? That man hadn’t done anything wrong. Yeah, he should be a bit more careful, and he probably will be from now on, but that doesn’t excuse your behavior!”

“What was I doing!? What were you doing? You just batted your eyes at that irresponsible man to get what you wanted. I’m surprised you didn’t stay in there to add him to your collection of pretty boys.” He spat the words out, glaring at her.

Color flooded Rose’s cheeks, even as she matched him glare for glare. “Oh no, you don’t. How many times have you used the same method to get information out of people? You are a bigger flirt than I am, and you have no call to treat me like this!”

“Me? Ha! Don’t make me laugh,” the Doctor snarled. “You get what you want, and then you saunter off, leaving other people hanging without a care in the world.”

Jack lightly squeezed the Doctor’s shoulder. “You might want to stop before you say something you are going to regret.”

“Regret? Why would I regret this? I’m only speaking the truth. The truth is that _none_ of you care—not really—that there is someone out there, probably kidnapping and killing people so someone can have a new body. Oh, their physical form is still there, but what makes them an individual is all gone, erased. But what do you care, after all, that man in there did 'nothing wrong.' So what if people are getting hurt.” The Doctor tried to shake off Jack’s hand as he ranted.

Rose took a deep breath, forcing herself to stay calm in the face of the Doctor’s angry words. “The fact is, Doctor, _he_ isn’t the one that is hurting people.” Rose paused for emphasis. “Once I started treating him nicely, he was very helpful. Now we have a lead to try and track down whomever is using these things. So yeah, maybe I flirted a little, but it is nothing _you_ haven’t done in the past. I’ve seen you do it in front of me, so don’t you dare be angry at me for being nice to someone to get some information. You aren’t the only person that cares.”

“It’s a psychograph, Rose. Do you remember what Cassandra did to you?”

“Yes, it happened to me, Doctor. It’s not something I’m going to forget anytime soon.” 

“She almost compressed you to death, and somebody out there is doing that same thing to other people!” He growled, this time he shook off Jack’s hand and started to pace.

“And we’ll stop them, just like we stopped her last time.” Rose tried to keep her voice calm and level.

“Ha! Last time you wandered off and got caught.”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “As I recall, Doctor, I was misled because you left me behind. The way I remember it, almost every single time I got hurt, it was because you left me behind trying to keep me safe.”

“And you never stay put,” the Doctor roared. “No, not you! You have to wander off and get into trouble. Why can’t you ever stay where I put you and just be safe for once?”

“Because that’s not the life I choose to lead, or are you forgetting your own words to my Mum when we were in Downing Street?” Rose retorted, rapidly getting fed up. “This is _my_ life, and this is the way I choose to live it. So no, I’m not going to stay put. I’m not going to live a life without risk, because someone needs to stand up and say no to people. It’s not smart and it’s not safe, but someone has to make the difficult decisions. Sometimes _you_ are the one that needs to be stood up to. So get your head out of your arse, and then we can go find out who’s doing this and stop them.” Rose started to stalk off. “Jack, I’m going to clear my head. Keep an eye on him, won’t you?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jack gave her a breezy salute. When the Doctor made a move to follow her, Jack grabbed his arm firmly. “Oh no, you don’t. She needs to cool off and so do you. I was there the last time you were really angry, remember? I think half of her walking off is that she needed to get away before your anger hurt her.”

The Doctor stared at him and then at Jack’s hand on his arm. “Get your hand off me.” When Jack just looked at him, the Doctor scowled. “I won’t follow her, okay?” Finally letting go, Jack made a point of keeping an eye on the Doctor, who stomped off and began to pace again, just a few feet away.

John came out of the manager’s office a few minutes later with a satisfied look. “Okay, that’s all taken care of. He’ll set everything to the side so we can come back and pick it up. He would really prefer if the git wasn’t the one doing the pick-up. His words not mine. Weeeelll, maybe a little bit of mine, and by a little bit I mean I called him a git to make the manager happy, and where the heck is Rose?”

“Jack let her wander off on her own,” the Doctor replied with irritation.

“Is that wise? I mean, she is jeopardy friendly, and someone out there was using a psychograph.”

“See,” the Doctor gestured in John’s direction. “The clone gets it!”

“Oi, watch it! I can think of plenty of nasty names to call you, but I’m better than that. Wait, no I’m not, wanker.”

“Boys, you are both pretty, now stop it. Though, if you really want to compare things I have no problem being the judge.” They both gave Jack an irritated scowl. “Rose just needed some space. She and the Doctor got into it a little.” 

John’s lips twisted into a wry smile. “I thought that is what happened. Still, I’m uneasy. I’m going to check on her.” 

As he started to head out, Jack interrupted him. “We’ll go with you. There is no point in us splitting up and losing track of each other. The Doctor’s cooled off.” When John shot him a dubious look, he amended his statement. “Alright, he’s mostly calmed down. Either way, if you are worried, then we should stick together.” While he didn’t like it—the Doctor’s emotional state would block him some from mentally sensing Rose—John waited just long enough for them to fall in step together.

When they didn’t find her in the first fifteen minutes, they started to worry, but not by too much. After thirty minutes, however, John tried to reach out to her mentally, and when he didn’t get a response, real concern and panic started to set in.

“I knew this was going to happen. Never, ever, let Rose Tyler wander off when there might be danger around,” the Doctor fumed.

“That’s not helping,” Jack replied. 

“I’m not helping? You’re the one that let her wander off,” the Doctor snapped indignantly. 

“Right,” Jack answered, “I did that right after you drove her off because of your anger management issues.”

“That’s not the point!”

“Stop it!” John rounded on the Doctor. “Jack’s right. Your anger isn’t helping things. I’m just as worried about her as you are. The fact is you need to calm down because I can’t find her past your anger.” The half-human reached up, and seized the Doctor’s head between his hands. He pulled the other man in, until their foreheads touched. “Now focus. If you calm down and focus, we can find her. I know we can. But you have to focus.”

The Doctor half-growled at him, “How can you possibly be this calm?!”

To his utter surprise, John smiled. “Because I believe in her. Rose Tyler is many things, but never just a victim. She’s a fighter, a survivor, a friend, a daughter, a hunter, a teacher, and so many, many more things. That is how I can stay calm; because wherever she is, Rose Tyler will never give up. And neither will I.”

Utterly silent, the Doctor stared at John. Finally, he closed his eyes, and his whole body shuddered. He stilled, becoming quiet. Then, he opened his eyes again. His eyes were still dark, but the anger within remained leashed, rather than running wild. “Let’s find her.”

John’s smile sharpened as he straightened up. “Good. Now concentrate. Can you feel her?”

The Doctor’s gaze turned inward. A few moments later, he refocused on John. “Yes.” His hands curled into white knuckled fists. “She’s not conscious, but I can feel her.”

Without any further word between them, both men turned and started moving quickly. Jack followed along behind. He knew how the Doctor got about Rose when she was in danger—only having two of them around didn’t mean his negative reaction would be halved, it would more likely be increased exponentially, even with one of them more stable than the other. 

~~~~~

Rose had stalked off, her anger simmering just below the surface. She needed some space away from the Doctor to clear her head, as the only reason his anger wasn't currently battering her psyche, was because she was shielding herself with her own. She hadn’t gotten angry for that purpose; it had been a simple by-product of their conversation. The Doctor, he was just so, so . . . insufferable! He thought he always knew best, even when it had been proven that he didn’t! Despite how she felt, she made sure to stay fairly close to the junkyard. Rose didn’t want to worry her friends, after all. 

Once she started to calm down somewhat, she realized that part of his anger stemmed from his fear. He had been angry the last time they had an incident with a psychograph, and at that time, he had better control over his anger. At some point, his control over his anger and impulses had eroded. Since he either couldn’t, or wouldn’t, admit his fear, he channeled everything into anger instead. The only thing she could have found that might have set off his anger and fear for her more would have been bits of a Dalek.

Thoughts ran through Rose's mind as she wandered. She remembered the incident with Cassandra all too well. She shuddered, reliving the feeling of being compressed—shoved down under the other woman’s mind. It had felt horrifying, and she had been grateful when the woman had left her body for good. Rose had worried about the Doctor too, but he had appeared to be fine. She had spent a longer time with Cassandra in her head than he had. Yet, perhaps the incident left scars that ran deeper than either of them realized. 

Still walking aimlessly, something caught the edge of her awareness, and she looked up, but it was already too late. Everything went black—far too fast for her to call out mentally or physically. One moment there, the next she woke up strapped down to some sort of table. Her training made her instinctively hold herself very still, even in a disoriented state of being. Rose could sense people in the room, talking, and she strained to hear what they said.

“Are you sure this is wise? We can’t even classify her, nor can we tell where she came from. What if she’s someone, or something, important, and someone comes looking for her?” This first voice was female; it sounded young and high-pitched.

“Are you kidding me? This woman is a gold mine. Look at her healing factors and resiliency, let alone her lack of cellular degradation. Figuring out her race doesn’t matter; she’s human enough to pass. There just seem to be minor differences. If she was important, what was she doing wandering alone like that?” The second voice was also female, but older and slightly lower.

“I don’t like this,” the first voice continued. “We should have stuck with clones. We are supposed to be helping extend lives, not killing people.”

“We aren’t killing them,” the second voice argued, exasperated. “They are just getting new personalities. We’ve been over this before. The clones never stayed stable; for some reason they all would rapidly age, which is not what our clients want. They want young bodies—a fresh start on life.”

“Yes, but . . . everything that makes them who they are is gone. It’s a new person. No, it isn’t even that—it’s another person that takes over.” The first voice sounded pained.

This didn’t look good at all. Rose slotted the pieces of information together, and they formed a picture she really didn’t like. The implication that they tried to use clones and failed—that alone slipped them from the grey area of ethics into darker intent. Well, she didn’t want them getting close enough to John to figure out what made him different, and not a twin. They took people who they thought wouldn’t be missed, basically wiped their minds, and implanted someone else’s. 

Subtly, she tried to see if she could move at all. Her wrists had been tied down, and she had straps across her upper chest, around her waist, and binding each ankle. Additionally, she could feel something digging into her temples and across her forehead when she tried to shift her head. So much for the subtle attempt—they had secured her too well.

Rose would have to wait until everyone left the room or try an alternative. She didn’t really know if they would leave her alone in there, or if they would try to use her in their transplant process soon. With her limited options, she decided to attempt to reach out mentally to John to see if he could hear her. Centering her thoughts on him, she stretched her mind, searching for him. 

Immediately chaos broke out around her. An alarm sounded, and people swarmed her bedside. She gave up the pretense of still being asleep and jerked hard on her restraints. 

“She’s a telepath! Shit!”

“Why didn’t anyone check for this?!”

“She registered as human first. Humans aren’t telepathic!”

“Well, someone should tell her that!”

“Get her locked down and knocked out right away!”

Frantically, she yanked at the bindings with all her strength, and felt them start to give. “Let me go! I’m only going to warn you once. Let me go, or you are going to be in so much trouble. My friends will find me, and if you have hurt me, there will be no stopping them.” They ignored her words; instead, hands pressed down on her arms and legs, preventing her from breaking free.

“Get her knocked out now!”

She felt John’s mind grab at her, and she frantically tried to convey information to his. A flow of what had happened, the conversation she overheard—all of it she thrust in his direction. Rose felt his alarm, his fear and anger, as he tried to mentally keep a hold on her. But then they pumped her full of something, and darkness began smothering the edges of her consciousness. Then, a different, yet familiar, mind stretched around hers, trying to help. Rose let it take in the same information she sent John. It seemed to bracket her consciousness between it, no, his, mental hand, and John’s. 

Rose’s body felt heavy, sluggish, and she tried to fight, but whatever they were doing sapped her strength away. Yet another alarm went off as she felt John’s loving, worried presence, along with the other mind, wrapping around her. They seemed to be building some kind of wall around her mind. Her energy continued to diminish, and she could no longer fight the darkness that surrounded her. So she let go, her mind secured in their mental grip.

A male attendant looked at the two women standing at the foot of the bed. “It’s no good, Ma’am. She’s out, but I’ve never seen activity like this. I don’t think it’s a good idea to use the repressor on her.”

Both women wore long white coats, and appeared to be human. The older one had her graying hair cropped short. Next to her, the younger had blond hair scraped back into a tight bun. While the older woman looked annoyed, the younger had a pinched, worried look to her face. The older woman made an exasperated noise, “Well, that’s unfortunate.” She eyed Rose’s unconscious form. “Pity. We could have made quite the profit off this one. We’ll have to dispose of her, then.”

“No, Dr. Jenna. Wait!” the younger one protested. “She still could be useful. If . . . if I could have a chance to study her, I might find a way to stabilize the clones based on her unique cellular regeneration. Think of what we could do with that! We wouldn’t have to run the risk of finding the . . . forced volunteers. Plus, many of our clients would love to just have a younger version of themselves. It would help prevent awkward questions.” 

A calculating look shifted across Dr. Jenna’s face. She pursed her lips and then nodded. “Fine, but she’s your responsibility. Keep her sedated and restrained at all times. If there is any sign of trouble, or you don’t make any progress, she is to be disposed of. Am I clear?”

The younger woman bobbed her head, a relieved look coming to her face. “Yes, of course. I’ll make sure everything is perfectly safe.”

“See that you do,” Dr. Jenna commanded. She swept out of the room, and most of the attendants left with her, leaving the younger woman behind with just one other person.

When the door closed behind her, the attendant shook his head. “You are going to get yourself into trouble, Serra.”

Biting her lip, Serra had a scared, but determined look. “I know, Tom, but this has to stop. If I can just figure out how to fix the cellular degradation in the clones, then she’ll have no need to do this anymore.”

“And I agree with you.” Tom moved around Rose’s still form, adding additional restraints and checking the monitors. “The thing is, if she finds out what you have been up to—or worse—one of the ones you’ve been trying to help escapes, she’s going to use you for her next project.”

If anything, Serra just looked more determined as she took her place at the side of Rose’s bed, her fingers tapping over the machinery. “I don’t care. Everyone deserves a chance to live their life. Even the ones she thinks don’t count or won’t be missed.”


	13. Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John, the Doctor and Jack infiltrate the facility Rose is being held at and rescue her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to my beta and grammar goddess veritascara.

It took the trio of men about thirty minutes to locate the building they thought Rose was held in. The intense single-minded pursuit radiating off both Doctors unnerved Jack a little. A splinter of fear shivered down his spine at the thought of what they might do if Rose had been hurt in any fashion. Whoever had taken her may not get much, if any, warning. 

They had just about reached the building when John stopped abruptly. He stood completely still, his eyes closed in a mask of concentration. Jack wasn’t sure what was going on, but he didn’t dare interrupt, especially when John’s hand flashed out to grab the Doctor’s wrist. “Help me help her.” This wasn’t a question; it was a sharp demand. 

The Doctor stood there motionless, indecision momentarily warring on his face. It only lasted a few seconds, and then he nodded. Closing his eyes as well, he concentrated, one hand rising to touch the half-human’s temple. No more than five minutes passed before they both opened their eyes, and the Doctor’s hand fell away from John’s head. 

Banked fury glowed so intently in their eyes that Jack almost took a step back. “Guys, I can guess whatever it is, it isn’t good, but you both need to stay calm,” Jack cautioned, holding his hands up as he spoke.

The pair exchanged a glance, and both made a visible effort to calm. A mask slid across their features and wiped them clean. Only someone who knew them would see the hidden spark of fury still lurking in the depths of their gaze, contained, but not entirely smothered. When they spoke, they finished each other’s sentences in an odd synchrony.

“Jack’s right for now . . .”

”She’s safe. If we act too rashly . . .”

“They might hurt her, and we don’t want that. So we go in . . .”

“. . .bluff our way in, but we are good at that. Those machines . . .”

“. . .need to be destroyed. We can represent . . .”

“. . . some wealthy clients—be an inspection team for them. That should get us in . . .”

“. . . past the front door, and we can find her.”

Jack followed their conversation, getting the feeling they were talking out loud for his benefit. “Okay, that was both really cool and incredibly creepy.” The former Time Agent could sense the tension that tied them together—the air felt thick, like a living breathing creature coiled around the pair.

The Doctor shook himself; he took a deep breath, and attempted to step back from John. The half-human still had his hand on the full Time Lord’s wrist, and he didn’t let go. “You can’t—not completely. We’re protecting her between us and need that connection.” 

John continued to grip the Doctor’s wrist until the other man gave a short nod. Only then did his grasp loosen, allowing the full Time Lord to step away. The tension binding the two together lessoned, but only by a small fraction. Inside the Doctor a minor war raged. First and foremost, he struggled to throttle down the urge to level everything between himself and Rose. They needed to get her back, quickly and unharmed, or he may not be able to keep the storm within on a leash. 

Secondly, a part of his mind held fast to the link that had sprung up between him and his brother. Between them, they had wrapped Rose’s mind in layers of protection to help in case it was threatened again. Each held one end of the cradle that kept her safe, and he dared not let it go. The two of them working together had fashioned it into something far stronger than either of them could have accomplished alone. 

A part of himself, deep down inside, screamed at him to hold fast to both and not ever let go. Only his iron will prevented him from attempting to take that sip of sparkling light, the love that bloomed underneath the rage, and bind it more fully to himself. The light, love, and compassion that they shared didn’t belong to him. He had thrown it all away, and he didn’t deserve it—any of it. Even though the starved parts of his mind and soul wished to lay a greater claim, when they got back, he would be forced to let go. He took the agony he knew he would be forced to endure and focused it on the ones who had taken his Rose away. That, of course, only fed the rage he struggled to control. 

The Doctor drew the tattered shreds of his self-control together. At the Mars base, they had snapped when he couldn’t stand to walk away and let people die yet again. He had allowed his pain and anger to take control of his choices. Yet, if he allowed them to rule him now, the person who paid the price could be Rose. He could not let that happen—he would not let it. The Doctor needed that control, or he could not keep Rose safe.

Internally, this battle seemed to rage for ages; externally, it only took a few heartbeats. His strong will encased the fragile threads and turned his self-control back into a thing of iron. The Doctor’s head cleared, and his focus returned. When he took a deep breath, he felt clean in a way he hadn’t in a very long time. The link between the three of them hummed around him, and a sensation of approval and support from John buffered him. A tiny part of him shuddered, and he ruthlessly pushed it aside. Later he would deal with the consequences of all of this. Later. 

“I hate to admit it, but perhaps Jack should do the talking,” scowling, the words reluctantly dragged out of John. “Don’t let it get to your head. I’m just worried things will echo while we are connected this way to help protect Rose.” He shot a mock glare at the now-grinning Torchwood agent.

The Doctor gave a short nod. “It’s probably best. Here, Jack, take my psychic paper.” He dug into the pocket of his jacket and handed it over.

“I’d ask if you guys are feeling okay, but I’m not going to pass this chance up.” The Doctors’ glares failed to dim the grin on Jack’s face. “I got the cover story, so in we go.”

John let the Doctor follow Jack, making a conscious effort not to mirror the full Time Lord’s movements. The last thing they needed was to draw suspicion to themselves. 

Stepping inside the building, the found themselves in a light and airy reception area full of greenery and some comfortable-looking seating. The plants faintly perfumed the air. A beautiful young human woman looked up from the reception desk. “Can I help you?”

Flashing his grin, Jack stepped forward. “Well, I certainly hope so.” Behind his back, the Doctors couldn’t help but roll their eyes as the receptionist blushed. “Hi. Jack Harkness. I’m here on behalf of my employer, who is interested in your company.” Pulling the physic paper out, he flashed it at the receptionist. “I have to say, if the rest of the place holds up to the standards here, I’m sure she’ll be very pleased.” The captain gave the blushing woman a wink.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Harkness. I don’t see an appointment scheduled here. I’m sure it’s just an oversight. Just give me a moment, would you?” Slightly flustered, the receptionist tapped something on the terminal in front of her.

“For you, I have all the time in the world.”

Content that Jack had things in hand, both John and the Doctor moved around the reception area, looking things over. There was a door set into the wall behind the receptionist, but nothing more worthy of note. Discretely, the Doctor pulled out his sonic and scanned for readings. John shadowed him to help hide his actions.

A few minutes later the door behind the receptionist opened. An older woman with short, graying hair dressed in a long, white coat stepped out. She gave the three men a sweeping look, before turning to the receptionist. “Thank you, Lena. I’ll take it from here.” 

“I understand you represent the Bad Wolf Company?” She gave Jack an expectant look, and somehow he managed to keep his surprise under wraps as he flashed a gleaming smile at her.

“Yes, ma’am. I am Jack Harkness, and behind me are John and James Noble. My employer couldn’t be here, so she asked that we take a look at your company on her behalf.” He turned the full wattage of his charming grin on her, and the older woman softened slightly, managing a smile. 

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Harkness. I’m sorry your employer couldn’t make it, but I would be happy to show you around. My name is Dr. Jenna.” Her gaze then drifted over to John and the Doctor. “She sent all three of you?”

Both Doctors had tensed slightly at the name, but since Dr. Jenna’s attention was on Jack, she hopefully hadn’t noticed. They managed to paste on polite smiles, giving her a nod hello. Jack looked back over his shoulder at them before turning back towards the older woman. 

“Yes, they are her personal assistants, and she sent them along with me.” Leaning in towards Dr. Jenna, Jack dropped his voice to a conspiratorial tone. “Just between you and me, she has a fondness for pretty things, but they are a bit scatterbrained—easily distracted. So she’s making them feel important while I make sure everything is properly taken care of.”

Both the Doctors made a scoffing noise, one echoing the other as they rolled their eyes. The Doctor felt the exasperated affection for Jack flow from John to himself and back again. It may have been oddly comforting; however, a feeling of bitterness lanced through him. John shot him a look, but the brown and pinstriped Doctor shook his head. He took a deep breath and steadied himself. The sooner they got Rose out of there, the sooner he could pull away, and the less it would hurt in the end.

“Very well. This way, please.” Giving them a smile, she led the trio through the door behind the receptionist’s desk. The young woman behind it gave Jack a little smile and wave, to which he responded with a wink. 

“This state of the art facility helps give individuals a second lease on life. Our product is grown on site using a varying template in order to create a unique vessel for our client’s use,” Dr. Jenna started lecturing as she led them down a hallway. They passed several clean rooms with technicians attending mechanical equipment. The bright lights seemed amplified by the whiteness of the hallway. The air had an astringent quality that scraped against the back of the throat. “I’m afraid that I am not allowed to show you that area, as it is a delicate process. However, I can show you some of the finish product that is simply awaiting a purchasing client.” 

Each of the men tried to cover their reaction to her lecture and this place. Jack somehow managed to keep the flirtatious grin on his face even as his stomach rolled. Between John and the Doctor, their control was stretched tight as they tried to bolster each other’s strength. The Doctor stuck his hands in his pockets to hide the fact that he was clenching them into fists. 

As he did so, his knuckles brushed against the crystal wolf that still occupied his pocket. A small zing of warmth flowed up his arm from the contact. He inhaled deeply, and on his exhale the warmth spread across him, helping him to relax. The sensation was similar to getting a hug from Rose and hearing her say it would be all right. John shot him a questioning glance as the warmth flowed through the link, soothing the half human as well. With a minute shake of his head, the Doctor managed to convey the impression that he would not talk about it, at least not right now. John studied him and then turned his focus back to Jack and Dr. Jenna.

“Well, my boss isn’t as interested in exact uniqueness, as you can see by the twins back there. Could she say, I don’t know, get a younger version of herself?” Jack shot a questioning look over to the scientist.

Her smile appeared pasted on as she answered, “Unfortunately, as you should be well aware, regulations regarding that possibility state clones are considered entirely separate individuals with their own rights. In time we may discover a way to tweak our templates to provide the approximate physical appearance. We are avidly researching that area, as well. Our templates do not fall under the regulation as they are simply blank bodies. They never had a consciousness; one needs to be inserted into them.”

A thought flowed from John to the Doctor. _~ So even the one that seemed to be having trouble with what was going on here had to have known even what she promoted was illegal. ~_

The words twisted in the Doctor’s stomach; his seething anger wanted to break free of his self-control. _~ This place needs to be completely destroyed. ~_

At that point, they found themselves standing in front of a door with a palm scanner for gaining entry. Dr. Jenna placed her hand on it, and the door obediently opened. She stepped through, and Jack followed. Beyond her could be glimpsed a number of individual capsules that appeared to line a hallway. When Jack stepped through the threshold, the door frame seemed to brighten a small amount. 

When the Doctor went to follow, it blazed up brightly, and Dr. Jenna’s smile froze in place. “I’m very sorry, but I just realized that there is a special decontamination process you should go through before we let you in here. These vessels are still a bit vulnerable to exposure from undesirable elements. I’m going to have to escort you back to reception.”

Jack’s expression didn’t slip, not even a notch, as the sound of pounding feet echoed down the corridor. “But we haven’t had a chance to see any potential product my employer might wish to purchase. I promise you, we haven’t been exposed to anything that might endanger the well-being of anyone or anything.”

Dr. Jenna’s smile vanished, and she gave Jack a pointed look. “If I may be frank, that device your associate set off detects psychic ability. This is unused product and as such is vulnerable to being imprinted by a telepath. Now you and your associates need to leave.” Ice coated her tone.

John stepped through the doorway, pulling it shut just in time to shut the guards out. He whipped his sonic out and aimed it at the electronic access pad. It sparked, and John smiled grimly. “Oh, I think we have heard just about enough. Don’t you?”

The Doctor paced towards Dr. Jenna, his expression dark and forbidding. “I certainly have. What you mean is that these poor people have had their selves squashed to death to make room for someone to be downloaded into them. Now most people wouldn’t be able to pick up on that; why should they, after all? But a strong telepath—oh, that’s someone that could hear and feel the lingering screams from your murder victims.”

 

”We didn’t kill anyone!” Dr. Jenna glared back, her tone defensive as she took a step away from the advancing Doctor. 

“Oh, they might be breathing still—their heart beats—but everything that made up who they were, all gone, thanks to you. In fact, what you did is worse than death in many cultures. You erased these people and just left their shells behind. Now you have one chance, just one, to save your life. I don’t mean I’m going to let you go—oh, no. You are going to be turned into the authorities and tell them exactly what you did, so they can try to help these poor people. I mean that you have one chance to keep on breathing. Where. Is. Rose. Tyler!? You will give her back to me,” the Doctor spat, unleashing the full oncoming storm at her—the wrath that toppled monarchies and brought the wicked to their knees. 

Dr. Jenna felt the weight of it, and her composure cracked. She backed up one step, and then two. “I don’t know who you are asking for!” 

Jack came forward to put a hand on the Doctor’s arm. John stood back at the door, using his sonic to thwart the guards’ efforts to enter. Keeping his hand lightly on the Doctor’s arm, Jack addressed the older woman, “I suggest you think really hard about that. Rose is a blonde in her mid-twenties, and would have arrived within the last couple of hours.”

Recognition, then disgust and fury flowed across her face. “The telepath,” she bit out. “She did manage to call out for help. I should have . . .” Dr. Jenna cut herself off, taking another step back. “I can take you to her, but not from here. We have to go back out.” 

“Right into the arms of all your security guards,” John commented with contempt from his position by the door.

She crossed her arms in a defensive gesture. “It’s not like I can take you through walls. It’s out that door, or we stay in here.”  
“Fine, but if you try to pull something, I really don’t think you are going to like what happens. I’m not sure I’ll be able to hold him back,” Jack warned her as he urged the Doctor to back up with gentle pressure on his arm.

John glowered at the scientist, but soniced the door open. Straightening her lab coat, she stalked through the door. They followed closely behind, but as soon as she reached the hallway, she started sprinting ahead. “Guards, detain them! They are attempting sabotage.” The three men suddenly had their hands full.

Dr. Jenna raced down the hall, an angry snarl frozen on her face. She skidded to a stop in front of a door, and hastily punched in a code. The door slid open, and she scooted inside. Serra looked up at her in surprise as the older woman swept into the room. “Change of plans. We wipe her, now.”

“But I’m not finished, and she’s a telepath—it won’t work correctly on her. You might just kill her. Either way, the body will be completely unusable for your purposes,” Serra sputtered a protest.

“Good.” A vindictive smile graced Dr. Jenna’s lips. “This is all her fault. We’ve been infiltrated, and we can’t risk her calling for more help.” She shoved her younger associate aside, and moved towards the machinery.

Serra stared at Dr. Jenna, and then her gaze fixed on Rose. A mixture of emotions ran across her face—concern, fear, relief—and then it settled into resolute lines. “No. I won’t let you do this. This woman did nothing wrong. We are the ones in the wrong here.”

The graying woman snorted, continuing to set up the machinery. “Far too late for you to decide that. If someone shuts us down, you are equally guilty here. You will pay the price alongside the rest of us.”

“I know, but I can’t do this anymore. It’s not right, and you know it.” Serra moved herself in-between Dr. Jenna and the unconscious Rose. “I won’t let you do this.”

Dr. Jenna laughed, “Do you really think I would allow you to stand between me and my freedom? You may not care about being locked up or worse, but I do. Now stand aside.”

Lifting her chin in defiance, Serra stayed between Rose and the threat. “No.”

The older scientist sized Serra up, and then to the young woman’s surprise, delivered a strong right hook to her jaw. Caught off guard, Serra went flying backwards. Dr. Jenna took advantage and closed the remaining distance to jam the circlet on Rose’s head. Swiftly, she turned the machine on with a satisfied smile. 

Rose’s eyes flew open, and her back arched as she screamed. In the hallway, the commotion from the fight suddenly got louder, before it fell completely silent. Next, the door flew open in a spray of sparks. The Doctor in blue came through the door first, and John launched himself at Dr. Jenna, shoving her back away from the bed. The full Time Lord entered next and went straight for the machine, sonic out. With a burst of sparks, the machine went dark. On the bed, Rose’s body slumped back, and she stopped screaming. 

Jack skidded into the room, looking a little dazed. He took in the scene, and to his surprise, saw that it was John who had Dr. Jenna pinned against the wall, his hands around her throat. His eyes were completely black, and the older woman flailed, trying to pry loose his iron grip. On the other side of the room, the Doctor ripped the machine off Rose and scanned her. Against another wall, a younger woman pushed herself up and moved hesitantly to help the Doctor. Jack took the few short steps towards John and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t. Just let her go. Rose wouldn’t want you to kill her, and you know it.”

For a moment, it looked like he might not have heard Jack. But then John’s body shuddered, and he took a step back, releasing Dr. Jenna from his grip. The older scientist sucked in a breath and coughed. Her hands massaged her neck as she glared in their direction. Jack leveled his blaster at her. “You just stay right where you are.” She leveled a cold look at him, but complied.

At Rose’s bedside, the two Doctors examined Rose, their expressions stormy. Serra timidly offered an explanation. “The machine, it’s designed to completely wipe the brain of all stored information. The involuntary controls are left in place, but all memory—anything like that is wiped. But it doesn’t work properly on telepaths, their pathways are structured differently.” She swallowed hard, “Sometimes it just scrambles them completely, and sometimes . . . it causes brain death.”

“Not going to happen,” the Doctor snapped.

“Not to her—we won’t let it,” John added.

“We kept what makes Rose, Rose, safe,” the Doctor continued.

“Now we just need to make sure her brain is undamaged,” John finished.

Wide-eyed, Serra backed away from them after their exchange. The Doctor and John shared a glance, and John took a deep breath and stepped back from the bed. “We need to make sure this place is dealt with, and we pick up the parts we need for Donna.” His eyes stayed on Rose’s unmoving form. “But Rose needs immediate attention.” 

A look of resolution firmed up on his face, and he unbuckled the vortex manipulator on his wrist. Moving back to the bed, he fastened it on Rose’s arm and checked the coordinates. When he looked up, he latched his intense gaze onto the Doctor. “I’ve set the coordinates; it just needs to be activated. You take her back to the TARDIS and makes sure she’s okay.” 

Something passed between the two. Then the Doctor nodded and scooped up Rose. “I’ll take care of her.” He adjusted his grip on her and activated the vortex manipulator on Rose’s wrist. They both vanished.

“Doc, was that wise?” Jack called from across the room.

John lightly touched the table Rose had been laying on. He could feel the residual heat from her body. “Maybe not, but you have to give trust to get trust, and I know I can trust him to make sure Rose is okay.” He looked over to Jack, and the former Time Agent could see that the storm had yet to leave his face. “Besides, do you think you have a better chance of keeping him from going too far?”

Jack replied, his voice skeptical, “I don’t know, Doc. You seemed rather intent on preventing Dr. Jenna here from breathing.”

The human Doctor’s stony glare slid down to the still-silent scientist. “All bets are off when someone hurts Rose.”


	14. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor examines Rose, and finds something surprising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeep sorry, I'm so sorry for how long this update has taken. I'm excited about what will happen next, so, you should get the next update for this fic shortly. As a teaser, the chapter will probably be titled Donna. Anywho thank you so much for the wonderful support and reviews, you guys amaze me. Big thanks to my wonderful and patient beta, Veritascara the grammar goddess.

_Something passed between the two. Then the Doctor nodded and scooped up Rose. “I’ll take care of her.” He adjusted his grip on her and activated the vortex manipulator on Rose’s wrist. They both vanished._

_“Doc, was that wise?” Jack called from across the room._

_John lightly touched the table Rose had been laying on. He could feel the residual heat from her body. “Maybe not, but you have to give trust to get trust, and I know I can trust him to make sure Rose is okay.” He looked over to Jack, and the former Time Agent could see that the storm had yet to leave his face. “Besides, do you think you have a better chance of keeping him from going too far?”_

_Jack replied, his voice skeptical, “I don’t know, Doc. You seemed rather intent on preventing Dr. Jenna here from breathing.”_

_The human Doctor’s stony glare slid down to the still-silent scientist. “All bets are off when someone hurts Rose.”_

~~~~~

The vortex manipulator landed the Doctor right outside of the TARDIS. A startled Mickey looked up from where he sat working on the equipment. “Call Martha. She can help,” he barked at the younger man. 

The time ship must have sensed their need, because the door flew open, and he rushed inside, Rose cradled in his arms. The infirmary had been moved right outside the console room, and he thanked the TARDIS silently as he laid Rose out on the table. Rose looked so pale and still lying there, he couldn’t help reaching out to stroke a shaky hand over her hair. 

It hit him then, that he happened to be alone in the TARDIS with Rose Tyler. His duplicate was literally in another time and place, and Mickey was outside calling Martha—no one could stop him if he tried to leave. The possibility existed . . . With Rose on board, the TARDIS might let him leave. The temptation lay in front of him, ripe for the picking, virtually begging him to take it. Yet, as he studied Rose, he knew he couldn’t do it. No matter how much a part of him wanted nothing more than to whisk her away and keep her for himself, it would make her unhappy. She and his brother needed each other, as much as he needed her. He couldn’t do that to her. Or his brother. 

The Doctor stared at her until a nudge from the TARDIS made him spring into action, quickly bringing over monitors and scanners. He needed to know exactly how much damage they were dealing with. He still had a corner of her mind protected within his grasp. Even without his brother present, he could help restore that bit of consciousness. And oddly, he could still feel the half-human Time Lord, despite the difference in time and space. He could even pick up on the other’s frustration and impatience to join them. 

Filing that fact away to examine more closely later, he started the scans. The information immediately lit up on the monitors, allowing him to see the full scale of the damage done. A sinking sensation filled the pit of his stomach as he saw that the machine had caused some fairly extensive damage to her brain. A low growl emerged from his chest, and he had to throttle back the urge to go back and punish the woman who had dared to do this to Rose. Getting angry wouldn’t help Rose Tyler, so he chose to focus on what he could do. He started running additional scans, including a full body scan, to make sure that a secondary injury didn’t exist. There didn’t seem any danger of her actually dying, so he took the time to be thorough to ensure he wouldn’t hurt her by rushing in. 

When he placed the last scan up on the monitor, he noticed a small inconsistency. Really, it was just barely there, but a difference existed between the first scan he had taken of Rose’s brain, and the larger scan he had done last. Frowning, he repeated the scan of just her brain and compared it again to the first: the same results, only the difference had increased a miniscule amount. The injury seemed to be ever-so-slowly shrinking, all on its own. 

The Doctor knew that Rose had mentioned an increased healing factor, but this happened to be neurological tissue. Healing fast enough that he could see a noticeable difference in scans taken minutes apart? Just an increased healing factor alone didn’t cover it, not unless she had deliberately understated the degree it had increased. Mind whirling, he started more scans, gathering more information.

Thirty minutes later, Martha’s quick steps announced her presence before she arrived in the infirmary. She found the Doctor sitting by the exam table, where he held Rose’s hand and stared rather blankly at her. Fearing the worst, Martha moved closer to him, and set a hand on his shoulder. “Doctor?”

His gazed bounced up to her face and then back down to Rose. “Oh hello, Martha. Sorry if you rushed to get over here. It looks like she’ll be just fine.” 

“Really? Because you look . . . well, like you are in shock about something.” Pulling over one of the rolling stools, Martha sat down next to him.

“That’s because I am, I think.” Reaching over, he pulled over one of the monitors for Martha to see. “This is a scan from when I first got her here.”

The human physician sucked in a breath as she evaluated the degree of injury to Rose’s brain. This didn’t make any sense. If Rose had that extensive an injury, the Doctor should be frantic. But the Doctor hadn’t finished. He took the scanner, and ran it one-handed over Rose’s head. The Time Lord pulled up a second monitor and brought up the display. “That is the scan I just did now.”

Martha’s mouth opened slightly, comparing the two scans. “That is a great deal of neuro-regeneration. Whatever you used on her is working quite well. Why aren’t you more happy?”

“Oh, I am happy. Believe me, Martha; I’m very happy.” He looked over at her, his expression still carefully neutral. “Here’s the thing: I didn’t do anything.”

The medical doctor looked from Rose back up to the scans, her eyes widened. “She did this? All on her own?”

“Yep.” 

The Doctor’s quiet voice held none of the normal, almost manic energy that it typically had. “If she was a Time Lord, I’d say she’s in a healing coma and repairing herself. But she’s not a Time Lord. I did check by the way. She only has one heart. I have a few other tests running, but they keep coming back inconclusive.”

“You checked to see if she was a Time Lord?” Martha blinked in shock, before focusing on the most important information. “But she’s healthy, right? Isn’t that what is important?” The Doctor’s eerie calm disturbed Martha a little. She couldn’t tell what he might be thinking. 

“True. She’s very healthy. She should be completely healed and will probably wake up on her own in the next ten minutes. If she doesn’t wake up, when John gets here we can help her wake up.” 

The Time Lord had kept his hand in Rose’s the whole time, doing everything one-handed so he didn’t have to let go of it. Now he just sat there, his hand in hers, with an utterly blank expression on his face. Only when another set of feet, quickly moving, sounded in the corridor, did he pull his hand free and start to back away.

Emerging through the doorway, John rushed to Rose’s side. He settled on the stool the Doctor had vacated, leaning in to press a kiss to Rose’s forehead. To his surprise, he heard his full Time Lord brother in his mind.

_~ She’ll be alright. ~_

He would have expected him to shut him out, especially since they were both in the same room and the crisis apparently over. Not that he minded—he thought the mental contact would be good for both of them, not unlike having a light to focus on, instead of staring into the darkness. Complete mental isolation—not a good thing for anyone of their race. _~ You could repair whatever damage they did to her? ~_

After a long silence from the full Time Lord, he finally got an answer. _~ I didn’t need to. ~_

Wordlessly, the Doctor directed the half-human’s attention to the monitor’s display before moving to the other side of the bed. He pulled up a chair and took Rose’s other hand, his expression still rather blank. 

“What? What?!” John stared at the displays with an open-mouthed expression. Much like the Doctor had done, he kept one hand in Rose’s and used the other to switch through scans and displays. “This is remarkable, brilliant even, but how?” His gaze flicked over to Martha and then back to the full Time Lord.

The Doctor gave a small nod before responding. “Several theories, but until more results come back, I couldn’t tell you how, what, or even why. Who and where, we obviously already know.” His gaze settled on Rose’s face. _~ Why doesn’t she want to know? That is the real question. ~_

John nodded at the Doctor’s spoken and unspoken comments. Burning curiosity threaded through him as he reached with his free hand to rake it through his own hair. “Then we wait for answers.”

“No,” Rose groaned as her eyes fluttered. “No tests. Don’t want ‘em.” 

Both men’s heads snapped to her face. “Rose?” John gently asked.

“My Doctor?” 

Her head turned in John’s direction, blinking her eyes as she tried to focus. Her hands flexed, and when the full Time Lord tried to pull his away, she squeezed his hand, and he stopped. 

“I’m here, love. They tried to hurt you, and we took care of it.” John reached to brush hair back from her face as he continued. “Jack’s sorting through the equipment with Mickey, and then he’ll be here to check on you. The Doctor brought you back and made sure you were okay.”

“Doctor?” This time Rose’s head shifted to focus on the other man sitting by her side. 

He swallowed before answering her. “Yes, Rose?”

“Ta for the help, but . . . am I going to be okay?”

He quickly nodded to reassure her. “Yes, you are healing up nicely, and it looks like you’ll be perfectly fine.”

“Then no more tests. Shut ‘em down, please.” When staring at her was his only response, she frowned and asked again. “Shut them down. I’m not a lab rat. If I’m healthy, then that is all I care about.”

“But, Rose,” John chimed in, “there is something going on with you—something important.”

“Am I going to die? Is it going to be harmful to me?” Rose’s expression combined both obstinacy and a trace of belligerence.

“Well, no. But we are concerned about you, Rose. Don’t you want to know what is going on?”

“No.” Rose turned her head to look at the Doctor, responding to his question, her tone short. “I don’t. I just want to be me, Rose, and not worry about anything else.”

Both men might have persisted, but the link, while subdued, had not been broken between the three of them yet, and they could sense burgeoning panic from Rose. They didn’t know why, but neither could stand to upset her more. So John began turning off the displays. The Doctor pulled away and went to the counter where he flipped off several other machines. “There,” he said softly. “They are off.”

Rose relaxed, before squirming in the bed. “Can I get up now?”

The two Doctors exchanged a silent glance, and then John nodded. “Alright, but take it easy, okay?”

Nearly forgotten in the back, Martha’s voice held surprise. “You’re really going to let her get up?”

“Oh, I’ll be staying right with her, and if she gets dizzy or anything, it is straight back to bed.” John gave Rose a stern look.

“Of course.” Relaxed now, Rose smiled at him. 

The Doctor stayed silent until the pair had left. He then went and switched every single machine running a test back on. 

“Doctor, Rose said she wanted them off.” Martha took a step towards him as she admonished him.

“She didn’t say they had to stay off,” he retorted, carefully checking over the equipment.

“Doctor, that is a technicality. You know what she wanted.” Martha’s arms crossed over her chest.

“I don’t care. I need to know she is going to be okay, Martha. I can’t just take it on faith and hope.” His hand slammed down on the counter.

Martha sighed, shifting so most of her weight rested back on one foot. “You are the one that is going to have to tell her sooner or later. It’s a violation of her privacy.”

“Then stop me.” The Doctor spread his hands wide while facing her. “If you think what I am doing is so horrible, stop me. That is what you are here for, isn’t it? Isn’t that why you all are trying to baby-sit me—to keep me from going too far?”

Martha studied him, taking another step forward. “Doctor, if I thought you were going to actually do something to Rose, I would stop you. I want to respect her privacy, but I also think we do need to know what is going on with her. I think you should find out _why_ she doesn’t want to know, and _then_ conduct your tests.” She gave him a searching gaze as she let him process what she had said. “But this is _your_ mistake to make.”

Spinning on a heel, she left the infirmary. The Doctor watched her go before turning back to his instruments, a stubborn set to his jaw.

~~~~~

It happened to be the middle of the night, and by all rights, Rose Tyler should have been in bed asleep. Instead, she sat cross-legged in the cool grass of her lawn, wrapped in a dressing gown over her nightwear. Her hands curled around a warm cup of tea, which delicately scented the air in front of her nose. With her head tilted back, Rose’s eyes searched upwards to pick out the stars. The light pollution from the city meant that not all of them could be seen, but she could still find a few. 

“You’ll get a crick in your neck if you keep doing that.” Quietly, the Doctor spread a blanket out next to her, and tossed a pillow on top of it. “That should be more comfortable.”

Without looking, Rose knew instantly which one of them stood behind her. It didn’t matter that their voices were identical. She could feel it, deep inside. She could always tell the small differences between the two of them. So when she turned her head towards him, she wasn’t shocked to see brown pinstripes, instead of John's dark blue dressing gown. The Doctor straightened up and turned to leave.

“Stay.”

Rose’s quiet request halted his steps. He turned back towards her, his gaze searching her expression. After a moment, he nodded. Silently, he moved over to one side of the blanket. Rolling up his overcoat to use as a makeshift pillow, he lay down and looked up at the stars scattered across the night sky. Without glancing over at him, Rose downed the last of her tea, and stretched out next to him, tucking the pillow under her head.

“Can’t sleep?” The Doctor broke the silence with a careful question.

“Nope. Slept enough today, I suppose. I slept for a couple of hours, and now I’m wide awake. Thought I would go out here for a bit. Ta for the blanket.” 

The cool night air gently covered them. Combined with the quiet of the night, it felt like a small bubble of isolation, cutting them off from the rest of the world. Again, the Doctor broke the silence. “Rose?”

“Hmm?”

“Why don’t you want the tests run? I’m trying to understand why you wouldn’t want to know what is going on with you.” Silence fell between them. The Doctor could feel each second that slipped away before she spoke up again. 

Rose picked her words carefully. “John told me that he sent you back with me alone, to make sure that I was okay. So there was a brief time when you could have taken off in the TARDIS with me. Why didn’t you?” 

This time the Doctor let the silence take over as he considered his answer. Finally, he admitted, “It wouldn’t have made you happy.”

“An’ way back when, at Downing Street, when I told you to go ahead and do it, do you know why I said that, without knowing what you were planning?”

“You trusted me.” The Doctor swallowed hard as a knot of emotion tried to lodge in his throat.

“It was a bit more than just that, but yeah. When you figure out the all of it, you’ll have your answer as to why I don’t want those tests run.” Her words were calm, with a bit of finality to them. The Doctor sensed she wouldn’t say anything more on it, so he didn’t speak. 

Instead, he reached over and tentatively brushed his hand over hers next to him. Rose immediately spread her fingers, and he laced their hands together. Together, they stared up at the night sky, watching the stars.


	15. Donna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised, the return of Donna!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long, I'm suffering a bit of mental burn out, as it has been about sixteen months since my last proper vacation. So while I am doing a few things to keep me from going nuts. Don't worry though, I am not stopping, if I do the lovely veritascara my beloved beta and grammar goddess has all my permission to yell at me.
> 
> Many thanks to her, and to all the wonderful reviewers/supporters. Seriously, you guys keep me inspired to keep this story alive.

Finally, _finally_ they were ready. The equipment had been built, tested, and the last step would be to get Donna and actually use it. An air of nervous energy bounced between the two Doctors, a kind of gleeful excitement. They both wanted Donna back, as much for the fact that they had missed her company as for the chance to restore her memories. 

It had cut deep—that she had begged the Doctor not to make her forget. He had been carrying the weight of that guilt around with him since that day. The half-human Doctor carried his own share of the guilt. His creation was what had doomed their friend. This gave them a common goal to focus on and aided their ability to work with each other without other details getting in the way. They occasionally still became testy with each other as they worked—although more on the Doctor's part, rather than John's. 

Neither of the Doctors, nor Rose, sought to break the light linkage that had been forged between them. Rose and John’s telepathic link to each other had already been in place, so it remained strongest. It lacked the full strength of a real mental bonding, but it sufficed for their needs. And both of them cared about the Doctor and wanted to be there for him. John enjoyed the additional mental contact, remembering all the years he’d only had the TARDIS, and the Doctor, most likely, couldn’t bring himself to break it for the same reason. A light tenuous thing now—it retained an awareness of the others, nothing shared, unless it had been deliberately sent. But it did mean that they could use telepathy with each other without requiring touch to initiate it.

There had been a great deal of debate about how to best get Donna to Rose and John’s home. In the end, they agreed that Gwen and Ianto happened to be the least likely to trigger Donna’s memories, and that it would be best if Donna did not actually have any sedatives in her system prior to the transfer, as it might cause problems during the process. So they needed to get her to Cardiff without using anything to put her to sleep. Thus, the two Torchwood agents took on the job of getting Donna there, enlisting the help of Donna’s Grandfather Wilf, who enthusiastically supported the idea of giving Donna her memories back. The old man had nearly wept for joy when they approached him. Wilf wanted his granddaughter to remember everything she had been through and how she had grown.

The two Torchwood agents sat at the kitchen table, drinking tea with Wilf. He had timed it so that Sylvia wouldn’t be home. The older Noble had mellowed some since the Doctor had admonished her about letting Donna know how important she actually was. Still, no one really wanted to explain to her why and what they were doing. Donna had to have inherited her stubbornness and feisty spirit from someone, after all.

The brash ginger made her entrance with a loud swirl of noise. “Oi, Gramps, you would not believe what they are charging down at the market. It’s a giant conspiracy, I tell you. Trying to pick our pockets because they know we don’t have much of a choice. People have to eat, so they feel free to charge whatever they want to.” She bustled in the kitchen and stopped when she saw he had company. “Oh, I didn’t know you were having friends over.”

“Yes, this is Gwen, and the gent here is Ianto. Some new friends of mine—really nice.” Wilf waved a hand in their direction as the pair greeted her with polite smiles.

“Nice to meet you both. So how did you meet?” Donna asked congenially.

“Stargazing,” Gwen answered at the same time that Ianto said, “from his newspapers.” 

Donna cast them a suspicious glare, and Wilf hastily tried to clarify. “What they mean is that they buy their newspapers from me . . . and we got to talking about the stars. In fact, Donna, they have quite the set up at their house. They invited us to come see it.”

“Well, that ought to be fun for you, then.” She flipped a hand at Wilf as she moved to make her own cup of tea.

“He talks about you so much. We’d love for you to come too, Donna,” Gwen spoke up, smiling easily at the other woman.

“Who, me? No, you don’t need me along. Besides, I was going to meet some of the girls at the pub later.” Donna dismissed the idea out of hand.

“But I would really like for you to come with me. I’ve been telling them how brilliant you are. Please, Donna?” Wilf wheedled, trying to get her to agree.

“Me? Oh, I’m nothing special, and I certainly don’t know a lot about a bunch of stars.” With a self-deprecating shake of her head, Donna sipped her tea while still standing at the counter.

“Please, we’d really like you to come, if nothing else for the company,” Ianto gently cajoled. 

The ginger eyed them with suspicion. “This isn’t some sort of set up, is it? Because I told you, Gramps, I’m not going on any more blind dates! I don’t care who your friends think would be good.”

“No, no, that’s not it at all! Please, we really would just enjoy it if you came with Wilf,” Gwen gently assured her. 

Donna looked from them to Wilf’s pleading face and sighed. “Well, alright then, but you owe me.” She pointed a finger at her grandfather, not quite able to hide her smile.

“Thank you,” Ianto answered her. “We can leave whenever you both are ready.”

“Now? The stars won’t be out for ages,” Donna complained, rolling her eyes.

“Well, we invited Wilf for supper too. Plus, it is just a little bit of a drive,” Gwen quickly invented. “Not too far, but this way we will have plenty of time and not feel rushed with anything.”

Donna looked down at Wilf, who nodded eagerly. “Oh, alright. Just give me a few minutes, and we can be on our way.”

Donna peppered them with a few questions in the car, in between her grousing, while enlightening them on various points of gossip. The Torchwood agents were able to engage her with some of the current celebrity antics, and Gwen found herself rather surprised that Ianto knew a bit more than she did—not that either of them wanted to admit to such a thing. But it allowed them to pass the time and keep the ginger woman occupied until they reached the house.

Donna got out of the car and stretched. “That was quite the ‘just a short ride,’” she complained.

“Sorry about that. We think of it as short, but please, won’t you come in?” Gwen coaxed, as Wilf headed for the door. Donna followed him, looking all around. “So which way to where ever you have the star stuff set up?”

“Actually, some of it is down in the cellar. Just this way.” Ianto moved in the direction of the stairs.

“Why would you keep it in the cellar? Seems kind of counterproductive to me,” Donna complained, but followed.

The trio looked away, keeping up their deception. 

~~~~~

The Doctor’s mouth spread in a grin to hear Donna complaining at Wilf as he and Ianto lead the way down the stairs. _~Same old Donna~_

The Time Lord felt his half-human brother’s agreement as the two waited for her. Taking her by surprise, he popped up in front of her with a bright “Hello,” reaching up to touch her temples quick as a flash as she gaped at him. John slid in behind her and caught Donna as her body sagged into unconsciousness; then he carried her into the console room, where everything had been put into place.

It had been necessary to perform the transfer within the TARDIS. The ship would hold the Matrix, creating a brand new repository of knowledge. Fleetingly, and strictly under his own tight mental shields, the Doctor couldn’t help but to wonder about the significance of that. If John and Rose had children, would it be possible for the Time Lords to start over again as a race? Hope and envy twisted inside him at the consideration. Ruthlessly, he squelched down that thought process, shoving it away. He couldn’t consider it. They had their own lives to live, not a mandate to bring back an extinct race of people. If tucked away in his own consciousness the lingering question of Rose having _his_ children existed, he didn’t acknowledge it.

As they settled Donna into the reclined chair set up for her, Rose brought over the thin half-circle and placed it on her head. Wilf trailed behind, giving the console room a wide-eyed look. “I thought it would be cleaner.” 

Rose smothered a laugh at the Doctor’s affronted expression. “Oi! It’s just fine. Would you rather wait outside?” He absentmindedly gave a nearby coral strut a soothing stroke. 

“No, no, no, go right ahead. You just . . . fix Donna. Bring my granddaughter back to me.” Wilf gestured towards the ginger. 

The Doctor’s expression softened at the old man’s remark. “Has it been that bad?”

Worry, concern, and just the smallest shadings of sorrow took hold of Wilf’s face. “She’d get so sad sometimes, like she knew something was missing, but she couldn’t figure out what. Donna was so much more when she was traveling with you. Just bring her back, please.” 

John and the Doctor exchanged a glance, the former looking back to Wilf with a nod. “That’s what we hope to do."

Quietly, Rose continued to set things up. She attached all the physical components, turning it on and testing the settings. Martha stood by the monitors that displayed the readings from Donna’s brain. The medical doctor had been completely fascinated from the beginning by the set up Rose had created and insisted on helping, which Rose had gladly accepted. It couldn’t hurt to have an additional safeguard in place. None of them wanted to put Donna at more risk than necessary. 

The Time Lord brothers moved to start the process, and they bracketed Donna, standing on either side near her head. Each reached to place two fingers on her temple, and they closed their eyes in unison. The telepathic link hummed—a symphony of minds working together—two very similar ones, both version of the Doctors, differing only a little. Together they formed a two note harmony. Behind them, ancient and primal like a chant, the adult TARDIS wove its strength around them, watching over both their minds. A fourth voice blended in, harmonizing with the TARDIS’ voice, yet carrying something new, something different. Rose had joined the mental song, and her voice lightly threaded through, touching on the brothers’ but also reaching for the last mind to join the mix.

In comparison, Donna’s mental voice merely whispered. The human’s non-telepathic mind didn’t carry the strength to project its voice and had to be listened to carefully. Muffled within it, a note clashed and threatened to overwrite and destroy the human’s tune. 

The Doctor moved in first towards the shields that muffled the discordant noise, protecting the human’s mind. Behind him the golden voice of Rose hovered on the edges, a careful guard. The matching tone of John's music lay in wait, and as soon as the dampeners lifted up, it called to the out of place melody within Donna's mind. Freed from its confinement, the sound of it swelled forth. If not for the Time Lord’s careful work, it would shatter the fragile song that contained everything that was Donna. But a strong barrier of sound stopped it. Scraping along the surface, the discordant tune automatically drifted towards the enticing song of the half-human’s mind. It twisted through the paths now open to it, leaking out to reach towards the temptation.

The last tendrils started to release from the tangle of the human’s whispering tune, when the chant of the TARDIS filled in around the broken chord. It pulled it, and the Time Ship’s primal strength somehow started to change how the misplaced voice sounded. No longer did it clash with the sounds around it. Instead, the pattern shifted, the chant guiding it into a new shape and location. Briefly, it flowed by the bright voice of Rose. When it did so, tendrils immediately shot out, trying to grasp that voice and bind the sound together. The two note harmony thundered, reacting to the move and reaching to bar its way. Yet, they need not have worried. Rose and the TARDIS simply nudged the tendrils back on the right path, their two voices nearly harmonizing as much as the Time Lord brothers’ did. So ancient and new, powerful yet fragile, the two simply acted as one, binding up the superfluous melody into its new place, a safe place. They deposited it where its worth could be nurtured and grown, a treasure for the future.

Four voices resonated together, protectively encircling the whisper of the human’s mind. The TARDIS’ primal chant began to drop out, leaving Rose’s mental voice to twine with the two brothers. Both reached for her, one with confident assurance, the stronger with a more tentative touch. Its grip remained tenuous, while the slightly duller tone wrapped up Rose in a joyful sound. Even with the hesitation, the sound nearly reached a level of contented bliss. The trio reluctantly retreated from the immersion, knowing the human mind that they cherished needed waking soon. 

The non-telepaths in the room could only stand back and observe the readings on the monitors. Of all of them, only Jack could vaguely feel something, like the heaviness in the air right before it rained. The way Rose’s eyes started glowing gold five minutes into their work made them all nervous, but none of them dared to interfere, merely watching with worried expressions, as time slowly ticked by. Ten minutes swiftly became twenty, and then forty. Finally, when seventy-three minutes had passed, the glow faded from Rose’s eyes and both Doctors blinked, their hands falling away from Donna’s temples.

Though equally worried about Donna, John studied the full Time Lord and took a step back from the reclining Donna. He didn’t go far, just a few steps, and Rose moved around the machines to his side. The room stayed quiet as all eyes stayed on the ginger woman. “Did it . . . did it work?” Wilf broke the silence.

“We’ll know as soon as she wakes up,” Rose answered him. Both the Doctors had stiffened at the question, equally hopeful and afraid. 

They didn’t have long to wait because Donna began to stir. “Oi, someone better be telling that bloody band to shut up. I’ve got a splitting headache.” Her hand went up to her head as the Doctor gave a rusty chuckle.

“Weeeeeeell, I would, except there’s no band here. Well, technically, I suppose it could have been considered a band, but really, is that how you interpreted it, Donna?” Eyes bright, a grin spread across his face. 

Donna’s eyes flew open and latched on the grinning Doctor in the brown, pinstriped suit. “You!” Her hand flew out, and she swatted him on the arm. “Don’t you ever do anything like that to me ever again!” 

Looking suddenly crestfallen and a bit shocked, the Doctor rubbed his arm before Donna pulled him in for a hug. “And thank you. I missed you, you idiot.”

Wide smiles broke out around the room. The Doctor wrapped his arms around Donna, hugging his best mate tightly. “I missed you too.” A hoarse undertone to his voice betrayed the depth of his emotion.

To the side, Rose wrapped an arm around the half-human Doctor, and John reciprocated, pulling her close and pressing a kiss to her temple. Spiraling joy flowed from the both Time Lords, and Rose’s eyes started to overflow with the building emotion. Knowing that joy caused her tears meant that the other two in the faint link did not feel any alarm or apprehension about their appearance.

When Donna and the Doctor finally pulled back, she beamed a smile at him. “So how did you do it?” The ginger frowned slightly, a trace of sadness on her face. “It’s all gone, though—that lovely knowledge.”

“Sorry, Donna. We had to. It took both of us, with the TARDIS and Rose helping,” John spoke up, and Donna’s head whipped around to see him and Rose there, her eyes widening as he continued the explanation. “The only way to give you your memories back was to remove the Time Lord stuff that was clogging up your brain and overloading it.”

“Wait, you two, but I thought we . . .” Her voice trailed off as she looked back to the full Time Lord for an explanation. 

The Doctor’s shoulders stiffened. “We did. Bit of a long story, that. But they are back in our universe to stay.” He gave her a tight-lipped smile. 

A wave of apprehension came from the Doctor, causing Rose and John to frown. Rose took a step towards him but stopped at the flash of warning in his eyes. Donna missed the look, as she had turned her head towards Rose. “Oi, glutton for punishment, are you?” 

The couple’s focus turned to Donna, with John giving her a half smile. “Why do you think we worked so hard to get you back?”

She grinned and moved to hop off the chair. “Oh, you get a hug too, you plum.”

That seemed to be the cue for everyone to move in, giving Donna hugs and chattering away. Overjoyed, Wilf hugged his granddaughter and then both Doctors tightly. Jack, Mickey, and Martha all beamed with happy smiles, joining in for hugs of their own. 

Rose, however, kept her eyes on the Doctor, watching as his expression started to close off. He felt oddly cold to her, and she moved over towards him. “What is it? Doctor, what’s wrong? Aren’t you happy?”

He offered her a tight smile. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be? Well, you should be too. Look at it, Donna’s back; she can take over keeping an eye on me, so you all aren’t obligated to keep me out of trouble. No more trapped in one spot for me.”

With a frown, Rose picked out her words carefully. “Doctor, you still have to give Donna time to adjust and actually ask her. Plus, I’m not entirely sure you are ready yet to just be running off.”

The underlying worry for him didn’t escape the Doctor, nudging at his consciousness through the light link that remained. He took an unsteady breath. The overflow of emotions from today, from the link he hadn’t been able to shut himself off from, put cracks into his emotional armor. He stared at Rose, struggling for a moment as a part of him wanted to ask her to come with _him_. To stay with _him_ , and he knew he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t bear to hear her reject him in favor of his double. So he did the only thing that made any sense to him at this particular moment: he walled himself off and severed the link to Rose and John. 

The pair both flinched, reaching for their heads, and Rose made a sound of distress. Silence descended for a moment. At least until Donna braved the question, “What was that? What’s going on?” 

“Well, answer me!” the ginger woman demanded.

John took the hands away from his head, settling them on Rose’s shoulders in a gesture of comfort. Eyes dark, he attempted to keep a tight rein on his temper as he looked over to the full Time Lord. “He’s shutting himself off again. Shutting us out. What I want to know is why?”

“Why? What do you think? That you can just keep me here like a kenneled dog? So you can punish me by making me watch your happy life together?” the Doctor spat out, his voice hard. “So far you have all been making the bloody rules, and I’m sick of it.”

Inwardly, it burned in a way he didn’t understand. The pain seared at him, and he didn’t dare show it to John, or Rose, or anyone really. But he could push them away so they couldn’t see it, couldn’t take pity on him, and couldn’t bind up their lives in babysitting him. “You all said I shouldn’t travel alone. Well, look. Donna’s here. If she wants, she can come keep a bloody eye on me. I don’t need you.” His voice harsh, the Doctor met John’s gaze and then Rose's before looking away. “I don’t want you, any of you. I’m fine.” 

“Well, you don’t look fine to me, Sunshine. Just what the hell is this all about?” Donna spoke up, the rest seemingly in shock at the sudden outburst ruining the happy moment.

“I’ll tell you what’s going on. They've been keeping me here because they don’t approve of what I’ve been doing. Well, it’s not their place to tell me how to live my life.” The Doctor’s gaze moved back to the face of his furious double and to Rose’s pained expression. “None of you have that right.” His gaze took in their faces: Jack's and Mickey’s were set, Martha’s held a firm look that bordered on anger. He skipped over Donna’s and Wilf’s. 

“None. Of. You.” 

Turning on a heel, he stalked out of the console room and deeper into the ship. He waited until he could be sure no one had followed him; then his shoulders drooped and his steps slowed. Finding the door to the library open, he flung himself inside it.

Back in the console room, most had expressions ranging from furious to shell-shocked. Donna finally broke the silence. “Okay, what the bloody hell crawled up his ass?” 

“Donna, I’m so glad you are here.” John gave a laugh that contained equal parts of humor and a release of tension.

“Too right, Spaceboy. You lot need me around to help keep everyone’s head on straight.” Donna preened slightly, giving a smile as the tension eased around her.

Eyes bright, Rose got up and threw her arms around the brash ginger woman. “Oh, I think we definitely do.”

~~~~~

Eventually, Donna went looking for the Doctor, finding him in the TARDIS library. He sat in his favorite chair, feet planted apart, and elbows on his knees, chin resting in his hand. He stared into a fireplace that, for the life of her, Donna could never figure out if the flames happened to be real, or simulated. The ginger woman settled in her favorite overstuffed armchair near him. When he didn’t even bother to acknowledge her presence, she finally broke the silence. “You want to tell me what that temper tantrum really was all about?”

With a long, drawn out sigh, he pulled himself to an upright seated position. He just knew—knew—that Donna wouldn’t let it go. She always had pestered him before to get things off his chest. Why would he expect her to change now? He flicked a look over at her before leaning back into his chair. “I just . . . I just need to go. I’ve been stuck here too long, and I’m just so tired.”

Her brows knit in confusion. “If you were tired, wouldn’t you want to stay and rest?”

“Not that kind of tired, Donna.” Fondness and exasperation threaded his warm reply. “I feel like everyone is hovering over me, and I’ve been stuck here for far too long. I need to get out, to go somewhere, anywhere. But none of them will trust me on my own. I thought once you were back, I could just go. Apparently, they don’t quite trust me yet, even with you around.” Bitterness coated his last words. 

“What did you do, Spaceman? ‘Cause that lot, they love you. So if they don’t want you going somewhere, something must have happened.” Hearing the matter-of-fact tone Donna used, the Doctor’s shoulders slumped.

“I almost did something very bad. Rose . . . she stopped me, and she somehow showed me what would have happened if I had been allowed to continue. But Donna, I was so tired . . . tired of watching people die, tired of losing everything that matters to me. For once, just for once, I tried to throw out the rules and do what I wanted.” He twisted around to look at her, his tone defensive. “But I’m the Doctor, the last of the Time Lords, and it’s never about what I want. I am so tired of following the rules only to have the universe spit in my face.”

“But you’re not the last anymore, are you? There’s the other one. Maybe he’s not a full Time Lord but he’s here now. He can help.” Donna’s chair sat close enough to the Doctor’s that she could reach over and gently touch his arm.

He stiffened, before relaxing again. “That’s not quite the same.”

“From what you just said, you did need someone to stop you," she gently added.

“And that’s the other thing.” The Doctor jumped up out of his chair to pace. “I am tired of holding myself back, just watching them be together. It, it _hurts_ to see them like that. And I know, I know that I’m the one that pushed them together, but it still hurts, Donna. What makes it even worse is what I suspect might be happening to Rose!”

“What do you mean, ‘might be happening to Rose’?” Donna interjected, halting the Doctor’s flow of words.

“Er, forget I said that, okay?” The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, looking everywhere but at Donna.

“Hold on there, Sunshine. If something might be happening to Rose, isn’t that important?”

At her demand, the Doctor finally looked over at the ginger woman. “Well, the thing is, Rose doesn’t want to know. She wants it left alone.” When Donna continued to give him a hard look, he hastily added, “It’s nothing bad, nothing bad at all. Well, I suppose it would depend on your definition of bad. From particular points of view it could be considered slightly disturbing news. It would be an awful lot to deal with, so I can understand why she might not want to look into it. Granted, eventually it would become an obvious issue. Still, who am I to blame her for wanting to have secrets. Look at me, I’m the king of secrets.”

Donna patiently waited out his rambling. “Did you ever think she might be afraid of whatever it is? That’s what happens to a lot of people; they are afraid to face the consequences so they ignore the problem, hoping it will go away or resolve itself on its own.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Donna. Rose Tyler is the bravest woman I know. Why would she be afraid . . .” The Doctor’s voice trailed off as he froze in place and his eyes widened. “Oh, but surely she couldn’t think . . . Then again, I did after all just, and there was that, but I can’t see why . . .” The Doctor got very quiet.

Finally Donna ventured, "Did you figure it out?”

He hesitated and then nodded. “I think so. Humans, you like knowing that when someone cares about you, they are willing to take a risk without any guarantees. They want you to be able to take a leap of faith.”

“Well, yeah.” Donna shrugged one shoulder. “It is about trust as much as it is about willing to take a risk. We can’t all read minds, so actions often mean a lot more than words do. Sometimes, though, the words are the action that’s needed.”

“Donna?” The Doctor looked over to her with a smile.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad to have you back.” 

Donna flushed with pleasure at his words. “Go on now.”

“No, really, I missed you. I’m so very glad to have you back.”


	16. Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has his say, and the Doctor takes a chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, vacation over, mind recharged and back in the game. A bit slow because RL has kept me busy but still actively working on it with the assistance of the lovely veritascara my beloved beta and grammar goddess. Many thanks to her, and to all the wonderful reviewers/supporters. You all keep me inspired to keep this story alive.

_He hesitated and then nodded. “I think so. Humans, you like knowing that when someone cares about you, they are willing to take a risk without any guarantees. They want you to be able to take a leap of faith.”_

_“Well, yeah.” Donna shrugged one shoulder. “It is about trust as much as it is about willing to take a risk. We can’t all read minds, so actions often mean a lot more than words do. Sometimes, though, the words are the action that’s needed.”_

_“Donna?” The Doctor looked over to her with a smile._

_“Yeah?”_

_“I’m really glad to have you back.”_

_Donna flushed with pleasure at his words. “Go on now.”_

_“No, really, I missed you. I’m so very glad to have you back.”_  


~~~~~

By the time the Doctor ventured back out of the TARDIS, the hour had grown late. Donna had indeed taken up her old room, which brought a wash of relief over him. A part of him feared that she wouldn’t forgive him for the steps he had taken to save her life, or that she would be so entrenched in her life now that she would not want to come with him. Both fears laid to rest, he left her to settling in as he ventured outside. 

Darkness painted the inside of the house, and only sounds from the outside marred the quiet. The Time Lord had no trouble seeing as he maneuvered his way up the stairs and into the living room. When he swept his gaze around the room, it settled on his barefoot double, sitting on the couch nursing a glass. His nose told him some kind of beer made up the contents, and his eyebrow lifted. He debated internally as to whether or not John could perceive him in the darkness, or if he should call out and announce his presence. 

John put a swift end to his musings in a dry voice, “I do know you're there. Why don’t you come over and take a seat. Or am I not good enough for you to consort with now?”

Both the Doctor’s eyebrows shot up, and he shoved his hands in his pockets as he sauntered over towards the couch. “What? When have I ever said anything even remotely like that to you? And besides, I left you with Rose. Do you really think I would have done that to anyone I didn’t think would be worthy of _her_?” he replied as he settled himself in the armchair next to the couch.

John nursed a sip of his beer and watched his counterpart with a slightly wary expression. “I think you would have left a trained monkey with Rose if you thought it would make her happy. Let’s get one thing straight and out in the open here: you left me with Rose because you thought that would make her happy.” An acidic bite to his words indicated a simmering temper, which until now, had been mostly absent. “My happiness has been mostly incidental in all this to you. You haven’t seen me as an individual.”

Stung, the Doctor retorted, “I have too! When have I treated you as anything less than a person?”

“All the time.”

With a twisted grin that didn’t quite match the dark look in his eyes, John saluted the Doctor with his glass of beer. “You have seen me as a rival, a substitute for yourself to give to Rose, a genocidal maniac, a guardian of Rose, and a copy of you. Maybe, just maybe, you start to see me as something else, something separate . . . maybe a brother to you. Then something happens, and you don’t really see me as an individual again.”

The Doctor remained quiet, digesting his double’s . . . no, digesting _John’s_ words. The man had a point. When had the full Time Lord considered this man in front of him as anything more than an appendage, the extra variable in an equation? Had he still not looked at him on his own terms? It tilted his point of view, altering the dynamic in his head. Taking a deep breath, he spoke the first question that popped into his mind. “So, how are you handling all this? How do you feel about Rose, and well, me?”

“Oh, now he finally asks; he finally gets it.” John completely relaxed back into the couch. “Honestly? It hasn’t always been easy. But one of the things that has gotten me through all this is that Rose still sees me as the Doctor. She calls me _her_ Doctor, in part because I took a leap of faith when she asked and went with her. Because I listened, and because I talk to her—I mean really talk—about the important things.”

Over in his seat, the full Gallifreyan flinched slightly at the emphasis of John being Rose’s Doctor. Otherwise, he remained impassive, letting John have his say.

“So, how can I be upset about the fact she loves you, when you are the Doctor as well?” He raised an eyebrow as he took another sip of his beer. “The core of who we are—the memories, thoughts, past feelings—is absolutely the same. Now, the variables that make us different, the human parts of me, also let her see me as myself. I am the Doctor, but I’m also not you. You are the Doctor, but you bloody well aren’t me. And I can see that identification in her mind. I can feel it.”

The Doctor stiffened slightly in his seat at the reminder that John had something he longed for. Yet the little voice in the back of his head, which sounded a bit like Donna, reminded him that he could have had that. And the voice that sounded like Jack reminded him that both Rose and John had been implying he still could have that. Inhaling, he balled his hands into fists before he relaxed them again. “How do you feel about the fact that I, well . . .” The Doctor’s voice trailed off, not quite able to voice the words.

“Love Rose?” John raised his eyebrows, giving him a knowing look as he finished the sentence for him. “Well, I can’t very well blame you for that, not when I feel the same.” 

He winced, but the Doctor didn’t deny the statement. Instead, he studied the other man carefully. “That didn’t exactly answer my entire question. How do you feel about it?”

Silence stretched between them, as John finished his beer and set the glass on a coaster on the end table. “Look, I can’t say I’m entirely thrilled about the idea of sharing her with you. But the fact is, this isn’t just about what I want. Besides, while I do know Rose is perfectly capable of looking after herself, she’ll need you when I’m gone.”

“What?” The world slipped out of the Doctor’s mouth as puzzlement contracted his features. 

A wry smile twisted on the half human’s face. “Are you really surprised that I haven’t figured it out by now? I mean, really, I’m almost insulted. I still have a Time Lord brain, thank you very much. It’s not that difficult to put together what I already know, add in Rose’s reactions, and draw my own conclusions.” 

Frozen in his seat, the Doctor’s gaze fixed intently on John’s face. The other man didn’t seem distressed, more . . . accepting. Still, it took the other’s words to really drive it home for the Time Lord.

“Rose isn’t aging. I am. So eventually she’ll outlive me.” The bald words hung in the air between them—something both had suspected, but neither wanted to put out in the open. “And before you ask, yes, I double checked. I really am aging at, well, slightly slower than a normal human rate, but still, I am aging.”

“That’s why you are okay with this?” The Doctor still looked baffled.

The half human laughed. “No, I’m not entirely okay with all of this, but I will be. One thing, though, do you really think that I—or you—should be so narrow-minded as to not accept that she loves us both?” It remained clear that the Doctor struggled to understand. John sighed and then continued. “We both know that Rose is rather remarkable, so I have no problem accepting the fact that she loves us both, and that she wants to make sure we are both happy. I’ve been living with the idea you would come back into the picture almost from the start.”

Slowly, the Doctor nodded. “So, really, you would accept me as a part of her, no, your lives.”

“Don’t forget, I care about you too, as strange as that might seem," John pointed out. “Besides, it is nice to have the company, after being alone in our head for so long.” He lifted his left eyebrow. “Can you really tell me you don’t enjoy it?”

“I . . .” 

The Doctor’s voice trailed off as he ducked his head. “I haven’t been allowing myself to,” he quietly admitted.

“That’s because you take that stupid self-sacrificing act too far. Bloody hell, Theta, you are allowed to enjoy things, and you are allowed to keep things. We aren’t rejecting you, you moron. You are the one that keeps pushing us away," John scolded the full Time Lord in a lazy tone.

Now the Doctor took a turn at lifting his eyebrow. “You really were influenced by Donna. And, hang on, did you call me Theta?”

With a smirk, John gave him a lazy salute. “Well, I need to call you something, and I’m also the Doctor, so it's just weird calling you that.” 

“So you picked a name from our childhood?” A small grin of amusement tugged at the Doctor’s lips despite himself. 

“Do you have any better ideas?” John shot back.

“Well, I suppose it will do.”

Relaxing, the full Time Lord sat back in his seat, only to stiffen and lean forward again a moment later. “Going back to the Rose not aging thing: why do you think she doesn’t want us to know, or rather, to find out?”

At that John lifted both eyebrows. “Seriously? You really don’t get that? Are we really that dense?”

“Oi! The Doctor protested. “I’m not that . . . Fine, I probably am. Care to explain it to me?”

The half human swallowed his chuckle at the petulant look on his counterpart’s face. “Since you seem to be so incredibly thick about it, I will. It’s simple, Theta. She wants an act of faith.”

“What?”

At the Doctor’s continued confusion, John sat up and explained. “She wants to be loved the way she loves—without reservation, without fear, and with acceptance. To Rose, it’s never been about the details we get hung up on, like race and lifespan. She wants whatever time we have, because really, she’s right—something could kill any one of us at any time. Secondly, she doesn’t want your love if you are only going to allow it because she really can stay with you forever.”

John paused, but the Doctor remained silent, quietly contemplating. “Rose is so human, no matter what her biology says now. She needs both the words and the actions. What have we done in the past? Sent her away or left her behind for her own protection. Pushed her away because we were afraid. You need to see her and treat her for what she is—our equal.” 

Sighing, the Doctor rubbed a hand over his face. “She wants me to make the same leap of faith for her as the one she did for me at Downing Street. She trusted me, without knowing what would happen. Rose wants me to trust in her, even if I don’t know what will happen with her.”

John waved a hand in his direction. “Now you are getting it.”

“I’ve really mucked things up, haven’t I?” the full Time Lord asked, his voice now weary.

“Oh, yes, but it’s Rose. She’ll forgive you, you just need to—”

Suddenly, John sat bolt upright, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. He swore colorfully and launched himself from the couch, headed for the stairs.

“What? What is it?” The Doctor rose, his voice alarmed and his muscles tensed. 

“I bloody took too long and she fell asleep. Rose has nightmares, horrible ones, especially if I’m not there," John called back as he rushed towards the room. The Doctor only waited a heartbeat before he made up his mind and went after him.

When he reached the door to the bedroom, he hung back a moment in the opening. Across the room, John had gathered Rose to him, and the blonde’s face was buried against his chest. “It’s okay, Rose. I’m here. You are safe and with me. It’s going to be okay.”

The Doctor could see the wet tracks on her face, and the faint scent of the salt from her tears tinged the air around him. John stroked a hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her. When he picked up his head to look at the full Time Lord, he held his gaze and then gave a small nod.

Slowly, the Doctor moved into the room and shrugged off his suit coat, draping it across a chair. Rose and John were at the far side of the bed. So he sat on the edge of the empty side, and reached down to loosen and pull off his trainers. He then cautiously scooted across the bed, his gaze switching back and forth from John’s face to Rose’s body. The half-human made no move to stop him, so he reached out to place a hand on the slightly shaking blonde’s shoulder. “Rose? I’m here too, if you want.”

Rose went utterly still as he watched. The Doctor swallowed, but started to lightly run his hand up and down her arm. “I mean it. I’m not going to go anywhere.”

John had been watching Rose, but his head moved gradually up at that, his eyes fixed on the Doctor’s. 

Reluctantly, Rose twisted around, and John’s arms loosened so she could do so. Red rimmed her eyes, and dark shadows smudged underneath them. She kept close to John as she stared at the Time Lord. “You left—again, and you’ll leave—again. You always do.”

The Doctor flinched at the sting of tired bitterness in her tone. But he also looked beyond that to the pain she carried. “Not this time.”

Putting a hand in the center of his chest, she pushed him back. “Yes, you will. You don’t want me. You don’t want to be here; you’ll just leave.”

He let her shove him, rocking back a little before he reached to place a hand on the side of her face. “Oh, Rose, I’ve always wanted you—too much, I thought. I just couldn’t . . . wouldn’t . . . let myself believe that I could keep you, and keep you safe.”

That only seemed to make her wary, and she pulled back, closer to John and away from the Doctor’s touch. “I didn’t care about that. There is danger no matter where anyone goes. I just wanted to be with you," she sniffed. “It doesn’t matter, because you are going to just leave again.”

“No, I won’t. Not anymore. Not even if you try to make me.” At John’s lifted eyebrow, the Doctor looked up at him, and then back to Rose before he continued, “I mean it, because, well, I’m pretty sure I need you, and I’m really tired of trying to pretend otherwise.”

Rose eyed him, and he could see the grief from the nightmare that had ensnared her and from what he had done etched into her face. 

“That’s not what you were saying before,” she whispered.

“I know," the Doctor acknowledged quietly. “Lets just say Donna and John helped me see what a bloody idiot I’ve been.”

John’s voice cut in dryly, “I used moron, but yes, idiot will work.”

“Regardless,” the Doctor continued, eyeing his counterpart before looking back down to Rose. “I was an idiot, and I’m sorry for hurting you, and John, and even myself.” 

She studied his eyes with an rare intensity, almost as if they held all the answers to the mysteries of life within their depths. Perhaps they did. Then she twisted half around to John, who leaned forward to press a kiss to her temple. “It’s alright. I’m not going anywhere.”

With a small sigh, Rose turned back towards the Doctor. She looped her arm around him and bent her head forward to rest against his chest. He obligingly scooted a bit closer so she didn’t have as far to reach. John’s arm stayed tucked around her waist, and the pair kept Rose sandwiched in between them. 

“Go back to sleep, Rose. We can always talk more tomorrow, John urged her gently. With the smallest of nods against the Doctor’s chest, she reached down so she could put her hand over John’s around her waist. 

The Doctor had shifted so he laid on his back, and worked the one arm under and around Rose. When it lightly brushed against John, he looked over to see a somewhat twisted smile on the other man’s face. “And you better stay put,” John warned him.

With a swallow and a nod, the Doctor answered him, “I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.” They kept their voices soft, and Rose’s slow, even breathing told them she had started to slide back into sleep.

“Good, because I’m not going to let you mess her up anymore. Just stay, and we’ll work on figuring this out.” John shifted to get more comfortable. “Now go to sleep. You probably need it too. If I know you, and I should, you haven’t been sleeping properly.”

The Doctor just nodded again. He reached with his free hand to loosen and pull off his tie, setting it to the side as he opened the top buttons of shirt. It would seem he had made his decision. They could work out the details tomorrow.


	17. Regarding my long hiatus

Dear Readers, I apologize profusely for the very long gap without an update. I am currently working on one, I do not have an eta for you, but I am working on one. I have not forgotten this fic, or you all, and I hope to finish it. Thanks for bearing with me.


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